All political careers end in failure
‘All political careers end in failure, but this is getting out of hand.’
Kipper Williams
Wednesday
Wednesday
At last – a safe seat
‘At last – a safe seat.’
Wednesday
I can boycott 500 literary festivals a day
‘If I put my mind to it, I can boycott 500 literary festivals a day.’
Wednesday
Venice tourist tax
‘It’s €5 to get in and €50 to get out’
Wednesday
Wednesday
The Garrick club
‘If I’d known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have bothered with the gender-reassignment surgery.’
Wednesday
Treat myself
‘I’m going to treat myself to Garrick membership’
Wednesday
Tuesday
What IS a woman?
‘What IS a woman?’
Thursday
Wednesday
Left at the Turkish barber
‘Left at the Turkish barber, right at the Turkish barber, cross the road at the Turkish barber...’
Wednesday
You must feel terribly isolated in the Conservative party
‘You must feel terribly isolated in the Conservative party.’
Wednesday
Chin up, Methuselah
‘Chin up, Methuselah – the state pension can’t be far off.’
Stay clear
‘Stay clear of Piers Morgan.’
Wednesday
He’s incredibly disciplined
‘He’s incredibly disciplined – he doesn’t vape for 36 hours at the start of each week.’
I’m only fasting
‘I’m only fasting so I’ll have more soup to throw at the Mona Lisa.’