Jawad Iqbal

It is safe to say that there is very little chance of the Elgin Marbles turning up for sale on eBay anytime soon. Even those charged with running the British Museum, currently embroiled in a growing scandal over stolen and missing artefacts, would presumably spot them on the site. That is why it is simply laughable for Greek experts to claim the precious sculptures are at risk after the embarrassing disclosure of a series of thefts from the institution. Leading the charge is Despina Koutsoumba, the head of the Association of Greek Archaeologists, who argues the marbles would be far safer off in Greece. Well, she would think that, wouldn’t she?

It is absurd to suggest that Prince William’s non-attendance at the Women’s World Cup final in Australia on Sunday is some great public scandal. He faces growing pressure to cut short his family holiday and jet over to Australia pronto. Some critics have even gone as far as to claim that, if William doesn’t do so, he will somehow be guilty of letting the side – and by implication the nation – down.  The argument goes something like this. As president of the Football Association – the suits who run the English game – the heir to the throne is responsible for promoting the sport nationally and internationally at all levels. There is nothing awful about William watching the match on television alongside millions of other fans Well, so what?

Anurag Thakur, India’s information and broadcasting minister, is hopping mad about a sex scene in Christopher Nolan’s new blockbuster film Oppenheimer. The offending segment shows Cillian Murphy, who plays the American physicist Robert Oppenheimer, reciting a famous line from the sacred Hindu scripture the Bhagavad Gita while making love. 'I am become death, destroyer of worlds,' he declares, the same words he reportedly used after the first atomic bomb was detonated in 1945. The angry minister, turned film critic, wants the scene cut from the movie because he deems it disrespectful to Hindus and their faith. The Gita is revered among Hindus and its teachings are passed down through the generations, largely through word of mouth.

The world of cricket suffers from an unjustified moral superiority complex. This explains the periodic howls of outrage when a player or team is caught acting in a manner summed up by the phrase ‘it’s not cricket’ — a catch-all sentiment that purports to speak of some higher purpose than just winning. The self-appointed cricket purists really need to put a sock in it The latest example is the overblown reaction to the Australian cricket team’s controversial stumping of Jonny Bairstow when the England batsman appeared to believe the ball was not in play during the final day of the second Ashes test. Even Rishi Sunak couldn’t resist the temptation to wade in.

Some of football’s biggest names are revealing themselves to be shameless mercenaries on a scale that is staggering even by the sport's abysmally low standards. Karim Benzema, the Real Madrid striker, is the latest superstar to answer the siren calls of one last big pay day plying his waning talents in Saudi Arabia. Benzema will receive a reported £86 million a season playing for the Saudi champions, Al-Ittihad. He will play in front of an average home crowd of just 30,000 supporters. Benzema joins his former Madrid teammate Cristiano Ronaldo who earns a reported £175 million a season playing for rival Saudi club, Al-Nassr. All eyes now turn to Lionel Messi and whether he too will take the Saudi shilling.