Ed West

Robert Tombs, author of the majestic 'The English and their History', has written in the latest Spectator about how Brexit has become the trigger for a new culture war in Britain. He likens it to the sectarian arguments of the 18th century, pointing out that: ‘When I hear prominent Remainers unquestioningly supporting the demands of the EU Commission, however incoherent and excessive, I cannot but remember the opposition leader Charles James Fox happily admitting during the Napoleonic Wars that ‘The Triumph of the French government over the English does in fact afford me a degree of pleasure which is very difficult to disguise.’ ‘Is this just coincidence?

I love the Christmas season, so friendly and wholesome and filled with evocative memories – but don't the machine guns and anti-terror bollards seem to go up earlier each year? Look at the touching festive scenes in Manchester, and Edinburgh, and we'll see the police and barriers across the country from Liverpool to Lincoln. It's not quite Bedford Falls is it? I've noticed these 'diversity bollards' popping up everywhere, without a word spoken about it; a few weeks ago I spotted them at Hyde Park Corner opposite the Duke of Wellington's house. How would one explain that to Old Nosey?

'The sea is in my blood. My father made his living as a fish merchant, as did his father before him. Generations of Goves have gone to sea, harvested its riches and fed families with the healthiest — and most renewable — resource on the planet, our fish.' So begins Michael Gove's passionate call to arms, inspired by Blue Planet II, to save the oceans from mankind. Gove is one of the most intellectually original people in politics, and a very likeable man. But if British politics is a box set series, he also has the best character arc of any politician – like Jaime Lannister after he loses his hand or Prez in The Wire when he becomes a teacher, Gove always seems to be developing and surprising the audience.

Q: How many Remainers does it take to fix a light bulb? A: Why should we fix it? It's Russia's fault it's broken An old joke; I think the original concerned Arabs and Israel, but then there are numerous parts of the world where all manner of events are attributed to historic enemies. I remember a few years ago, after reading an article about how Poles tended to think the Russians were behind everything bad, a journalist explaining that this is the historic result of being ruled by tyrannical regimes, low social capital and little trust in government. That's eastern Europe for you; luckily we north-west Europeans, with our long history of open government and self-rule, were not susceptible to such second-world paranoia.

Giles of Rome, the great 13th century author, once noted: 'Considered in absolute terms it would be preferable that the King be elected; but the corrupt desires of men and their manner of acting must make heredity preferable to election.' There's little that would dissuade him of that view today. Britain's politics are in a worse shape than they have been for at least a generation. None of the mediocrities making up the current government seem capable of exercising authority, or of seeing past the next election cycle. In contrast, the Queen and her descendants at least seem interested in the long term, in that strangely alien concept 'posterity'.

One of the strange things I keep on hearing about this feeble government is that it has been spurred by Brexit to launch a culture war and reverse the Cameron-era detoxification of the party. They're taking us back to the 50s, or the Victorian era, or maybe 1065. It's one of those things one sees being written so often that it must surely be true – except if you actually read what government ministers say, or study their policies. Just this week, for example, it's already been announced that prisoners could now get the vote, and that returning jihadis might get priority in social housing.

I think it's fair to say that Theresa May did not have a cracking conference, but the sympathy vote might even help her. I certainly felt sorry for the Prime Minister, and instinctively don't like the nasty playground teasing from the Men of Twitter. (She does have diabetes, too, which can't help.) But she has to go nonetheless, not because she's unlucky but because she has a tin ear; why else would she choose to raise such issues as racial discrimination in mental health, sores that can't be healed but which invariably paint the Tories as the 'Nasty Party' - a Ratnerism she coined. Ditto with tuition fees.

The Tory party has a new youth wing called Activate to try to win over the kids with 'memes' - I believe they're called - similar to the way that Momentum has built a sort of cult around Jeremy Corbyn. This is in response to the dismal recent Conservative youth vote, which bodes ill for the party. As a party member rather optimistically put it, ‘we’ll only be fine when a Conservative politician can go to Glastonbury and not be booed’. https://twitter.com/Activate_uk_net/status/902284187687780353 Yeah, I wouldn't be too hopeful on that one to be honest.

It seems a long time ago that Jeremy Corbyn made an impassioned defence of immigration from both within and outside the EU, telling his party that: 'Migrants that have come to this country make an enormous contribution to it. Our conference understands that and Tom Watson put that case very well about the work that migrants have done in the NHS and education and other industries ... we should live with that but also understand the number of British people.' That was last September, yet it seems to sit ill at ease with what he told Andrew Marr recently, that under his rule: 'What there wouldn't be is the wholesale importation of underpaid workers from central Europe in order to destroy conditions, particularly in the construction industry.

To everyone's huge surprise, Jeremy Corbyn has come out as being quite a hard-line Eurosceptic, despite his tireless campaigning last year during the referendum. He has also further cemented his party's newfound respect for immigration restriction, attacking the importing of cheap labour from abroad. Whether any of this makes any impact on his legion of supporters, who seem to project their own vision of what he should be onto reality, I don't know; the Labour coalition already seems so incoherent but then I've given up trying to understand how politics work; it's like there's been a writer's strike up in heaven and nothing makes sense anymore.