Cockburn

President Biden must not be feline optimistic about his paltry poll numbers, particularly after his landmark Build Back Better Act died on the Senate floor. But he’s finally delivered on one campaign promise: he’s got a cat. The First Family circulated pictures of Willow, a two-year-old gray and white short-haired tabby cat, on Friday morning. According to Politico, Willow first met Jill Biden “when she jumped on stage and interrupted her remarks during a 2020 campaign stop.” The New York Times reports that "Willow is named after the first lady’s hometown, Willow Grove, Pennsylvania." The cat hails from western Pennsylvania, which could prove useful for the Democrats as they try to claw back some credibility in the run-up to the midterms.

Long live the gerontocracy: Nancy Pelosi will seek reelection in 2022. The House speaker, who turns eighty-two in March, announced her move in a Twitter video. “While we have made progress much more needs to be done to improve people’s lives,” Pelosi said. “Our democracy is at his because of assaults on the truth, the assault on the US Capitol and the state-by-state assault on voting rights.” “This election is crucial: nothing less is at stake than our democracy,” the speaker continued. “But as we say: we don’t agonize, we organize! And that is why I am running for re-election to Congress and respectfully seek your support.

Cockburn has never been a fan of White House chief of staff Ron Klain. The man simply inhabits a different universe: Klain thinks inflation is no big deal while Cockburn is currently subsisting off of the free peanuts at his local bar; Klain's favorite hobby is Twitter while Cockburn's is seeing how long he can drink gin on the White House Ellipse before the cops chase him off. Yet even Cockburn has been surprised at the ferocity with which Washington has turned on Klain over the last week. A slew of articles, most of them from mainstream media sources, have identified Klain as the reason the president's policy agenda has stalled.

Was there an ayahuasca retreat for normie Democratic pundits last weekend that Cockburn didn’t get an invitation to? He asks because recent days have seen the proliferation of hot takes best explained by the ingestion of psychedelics. In particular, Cockburn is confused by a series of kooky suggestions as to who might make good Democratic presidential and vice-presidential candidates next time around. In the Wall Street Journal, Douglas E. Schoen and Andrew Stein say that Joe and Kamala have become too unpopular to run again and that it might be time for a “change” candidate: a tough broad who goes by the name of Hillary Clinton. Yes, that’s right: Hillary could be back.

Ted Cruz’s thirteen-year-old daughter Caroline found herself in the sinister gaze of a blog called LGBTQNation this week. Cockburn is very disappointed in its writer Bil Browning, clearly another graduate of the Jeffrey Epstein School of Journalism: a well-funded progressive institution whose students consider it perfectly acceptable to treat teenagers as if they’re adults. The reason for Browning’s story is to further spread the deeply newsworthy information that Cruz’s daughter “has reportedly come out as bisexual on social media” — and has condemned the Texas senator’s “far-right political views.” A teenager rebelling against her parents? Stop the presses!

Cockburn realized this January 6 commemoration stuff was serious when he saw that even Lin-Manuel Miranda found time in his schedule to put in an appearance at the Capitol today. Actually, who knows if he was free? Miranda, the creator of Hamilton and high priest of Obama-era cringe, delivered a pre-recorded message to the American people and performed, with other cast members from the show that made him famous, the song “Dear Theodosia.” You might be wondering whether this struck the right tone for what was Cockburn was told was going to be a somber commemoration of one of the darkest days in American history.

Cockburn is eagerly anticipating a number of clashes in the 2022 midterm elections in under a year's time. Chief among them is the battle Congresswoman Liz Cheney faces with Trump-backed challenger Harriet Hageman to hold onto Wyoming's sole seat in the House of Representatives. So how is the incumbent presenting herself to her voters? Cheney has sought to bolster her reputation as "the Last Honest Republican in Washington," by periodically challenging former president Donald Trump in TV appearances with NBC, CBS and Fox News's friendlier faces — Bret Baier and freshly departed Sunday host Chris Wallace. But most significantly, she has raised her national profile through her role as vice chair of the January 6 committee, upon which she and Adam Kinzinger are the only two Republicans.

They say a dog is for life, not just for Christmas. Clearly that’s another old adage Joe Biden no longer remembers, as this week his White House announced the unsanctimonious jettisoning of Major, the president’s German shepherd, in favor of Commander, a younger, friendlier pup. “Welcome to the White House, Commander,” a tweet from the official POTUS account read. The president’s social media flacks then posted a video of the new First Dog playing with Biden. In the clip, Commander sits in order to earn a treat from the president: clearly an upgrade in the behavioral stakes. https://twitter.com/POTUS/status/1473057147017744390 Major, you may recall, was a rescue taken in by the Biden family in November 2018.

Cockburn has never been quite sure what to make of Republican House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. Previous GOP skippers have been easy for this Washingtonian workhorse to understand: John Boehner was an old-school cigs-and-digs backroomer, who frequently used to stop by Cockburn's table at Shelly's and rant about Ted Cruz apropos of nothing. Paul Ryan was a libertarian wonk in both the best and worst senses of the term. But McCarthy? Other than accidentally blurting out the Republicans' entire anti-Hillary Benghazi strategy on a cable news bender several years back, he's never really stood out. Thankfully, though, McCarthy isn't totally devoid of Washington intrigue. Six years ago, rumors surfaced that he'd had an affair with fellow Republican rep Renee Ellmers of North Carolina.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, Cockburn is deeply skeptical of progress. Barely a day goes by without the evidence contradicting the idea that we are emerging from the bad old days into a bright, enlightened future. Quite the opposite: all around him, Cockburn finds evidence that our forebears had it figured out in ways we have somehow forgotten. The latest reminder that everything is getting worse is the almighty row between Marjorie Taylor Greene and Nancy Mace. The two first-term Republican congresswomen have spent days insulting one another on Twitter and in interviews with unusual ferocity even by the standards of Washington in 2021.

Cockburn always thought Thanksgiving was the holiday designated for sharing madcap political views that one day you'll regret saying aloud. So kudos to Fox Nation's Lara Logan for extending the tradition into advent, by offering a comparison between Anthony Fauci and Nazi doctor Josef Mengele on Monday's edition of Fox News Primetime. Logan, a former war correspondent, was invited on to discuss the Omicron variant. Presumably the logic behind the booking was that the variant emerged from her home country, South Africa. Here's the expertise she chose to provide: On Dr. Fauci, this is what people say to me. He doesn't represent science to them, he represents Josef Mengele. Dr. Josef-the Nazi doctor who did experiments on Jews in the second world war and in the concentration camps.