Bernie

‘I’ve lost my taste for alcohol, but I’m determined to get it back.’

‘You’re going on a long journey.’

‘Smarten yourself up. It’s on in five minutes.’

‘At last – a successful reparation.’

‘Weird.’

‘I want you to alter the way you calculate my debt.’

‘Still no sign of a ceasefire.’

‘Goodness, I remember when you were just carefully targeted airstrikes.’

‘Well, it won’t be the glow of a warm fire.’

‘I’m drinking to remember.’

‘I can’t get a dentist, but then again, what is there to smile about?’

‘Oh dear. I was hoping our fuel allowance would pay for our Oasis tickets.’

‘Thank heavens for the right to switch off.’

‘When the turbine is rotating it means the King is in residence.’

‘Actually, we’re Van Gogh supporters.’

‘Disappointing summer, isn’t it?’

‘I’m sorry Rishi, but the “ex-Tory prime minister after-dinner speech” market is saturated.’

‘What do you mean you don’t want kids?’