Eriquette

Q. A woman I have known for many years and who helped look after my mother has just had her leg amputated. One Saturday this month, she is out of hospital and is throwing a late birthday party at her farm with a hog roast etc to celebrate. However, I have invited a schoolfriend to stay that weekend, and she has pancreatic cancer. Would it be very rude to go to the party for a short time? I have a charming, polite, gay man as my other house guest to keep my schoolfriend company. – E.S., Sussex A. Never underestimate the fun of spending unsupervised time in someone else’s house. Your guests would be delighted if you went out to a party. However, don’t be tempted to raise the topic of rival health conditions and which one trumps which. There could be no useful outcome.

Q. When guests are leaving our house they sometimes ask: ‘Would you like me to strip my bed?’ The truthful answer is often: ‘No, because you are very clean and only stayed one night and I may decide to reuse your bed for one of the hulking slob friends of my son who stay.’ But if I say this, the guest might wonder if they went into ‘pre-used’ sheets. Worst-case scenario, they do not ask and turn up downstairs with an armful of bedding. What should I do? – C.W., Stoke Abbott, Dorset A. When asked by a guest if they should strip the sheets, reply: ‘Please don’t. Our daily has such little self-esteem as it is, she would really mind if you cheated her of the whole job.’ Q.

Q. A gang of us have rented a house in Portugal. We have all been friends since school, but one of the boys has a girlfriend, whom we like except for the fact that she is in the habit of treating waiters badly. There is nothing that makes a table more uncomfortable than one member of the party being rude towards the people who are trying to help, and we are looking at a week of dinners in restaurants with her making us all nervous. Whenever we have begged her to stop, she ploughs on anyway saying that no one should let poor service or substandard food ruin their evening and we all need to be like her and ‘kick ass’. What can we do? – P.T., Streatham, SW16 A. Nowadays when you make an online booking there is an option to add a message for the restaurant in advance.