Q. I have a good relationship with a neighbour. She has a labrador and I have a Jack Russell. If I cannot walk my dog she will do it and vice versa. Yesterday my daughter visited unexpectedly and was at the top of the house when she heard my neighbour open the front door and call my dog for his walk. Five minutes later she heard the dog being returned to the house. I don’t want to fall out with my neighbour but I would always walk her labrador for at least 45 minutes and my dog needs a proper walk every day. How should I proceed?
– N.B., Stockbridge
A. Fitness trackers for dogs are all the rage – attached to the collar, they count steps and provide GPS tracking. Buy one (roughly £60) and show it to your neighbour, along with the wall diary on which you are now going to be recording his step count. Suggest she buys one for her own dog. This measure should pre-empt any future temptation to ‘short change’ your Jack Russell.
Q. I was recently ticked off by a lady of some status for saying that I had been invited grouse shooting. She led me to understand that the expression is ‘to shoot grouse’. Is this, in fact, correct? If so, I have been in error for more than 40 years. Does the same rule apply to pheasant, partridge, duck, snipe, etc. Perhaps it exempts vermin? Please might you advise.
– N.C., Stanton Saint Bernard, Wiltshire
A. I addressed your question to two sportsmen of status. One, aged 70, says he talks of being invited to shoot grouse, pheasant, duck, etc. His son, aged 30, says he talks of being invited grouse, pheasant, or duck shooting. The two agree however that both expressions are these days acceptable. This kind of pedantry, while enjoyable, is now irrelevant where shooting is concerned since the bulk of those who can afford to take a shoot were never familiar with what was, or was not, a solecism.
Q. I’m thrilled to be invited to a Scottish house party next week but I hear my hosts have a tradition where after breakfast guests are given baps and a choice of fillings and invited to make their own picnic lunches. I don’t want to draw attention to myself by just taking the meats and salads but I am desperately trying to avoid wheat. What should I do?
– Name and address withheld
A. Load a bap like everyone else but secretly bring a supply of Nairn’s gluten-free original oatcakes and a disposable spoon. Discreetly leave the bap behind for local seagulls and use the oatcakes to add bulk to your fillings. No one will notice.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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