2024 presidential election

No one in politics gets football

Fumble! Everyone is dropping the ball when it comes to mixing sports and politics. President Joe Biden tried to relate to former Democratic senator Martin Heinrich with a ham-fisted football reference, telling him, “I’m glad I was a flanker back. I’m glad I didn’t have you on the other side as a tight end.”  https://twitter.com/greg_price11/status/1689355172957323265 Unfortunately, the term “flanker back” is only known to anyone under the age of eighty as a wide receiver. Plus a flanker would never be squaring off against a tight end, since they’re both offensive positions. Oh, Uncle Joe!  Meanwhile, one of Biden’s potential 2024 opponents, Florida governor Ron DeSantis, clearly should have stuck to baseball.

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Mike Pence makes the Republican debate stage

The list of attendees for the first GOP presidential primary debate keeps getting longer. Former vice president Mike Pence has apparently just succeeded in reaching the 40,000 unique donor milestone, granting him a spot in Milwaukee on August 23 alongside Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, Tim Scott, Nikki Haley, Vivek Ramaswamy, Chris Christie and a governor from one of the Dakotas (not the one you like looking at). Trump may or may not attend, but whatever he chooses, Cockburn expects him to be at the center of the debate. The RNC also gave candidates some prompts about what to expect: some pre-taped questions from student members of the Young America's Foundation, one minute for answers, thirty seconds for follow-ups, forty-five seconds for closing statements, no opening statements.

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It’s Hot Divorced World Leader Summer!

Are you a NATO member, single and ready to mingle? Following former Finnish prime minister Sanna Marin’s split from her husband of nineteen years, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau announced, via a heartbreaking Instagram post, that he and his wife Sophie were set to separate. Rumors that two of the world’s most photogenic leaders could shack up appear to be jumping the gun — but Cockburn is somewhat curious that Sophie, a close pal of Meghan Markle’s from her Suits-taping days in Toronto, is set to ditch her powerful hubby. Needless to say, the leaders of Finland and Canada could have existed in marital bliss had they only considered the very French option of marrying your schoolteacher, as Monsier le President Macron did... Jared Kushner’s uncle donated to... Chris Christie?

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Florida versus California is the election we should be having

National elections should be about contrast and choice — and those choices should offer the clearest opportunity for parity in the candidates and the parties. If the polls are to be believed, the 2024 election as it stands now, before any debates or primaries, does not offer that. Instead the country currently faces the prospect of two senior citizens clashing, both with low approval ratings, personal and legal baggage and questions of mental acuity.

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The only way Ron DeSantis prevails

I wonder if Ron DeSantis’s favorite mot these days is from Mark Twain: “Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” Maybe so. But let’s face it, the reports are many and deafening.  They are also damaging. Consider, to take one recent example, the report, conveyed by Semafor, on the DeSantis Meme Team that works under the rubric of “War Room Creative Ideas” on the encrypted message app Signal.   Among the “creative ideas” were videos, insinuated anonymously onto Twitter (as it then was), that smeared Donald Trump by including a fascist symbol — get it? Another attacked Trump for pro-LGBT rights comments. Both were instantly attacked by the Trump base.

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RNC ups qualification requirements for second GOP debate in California

The Republican National Committee is increasing the requirements for presidential candidates seeking to qualify for the party’s second debate next month at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California.  Candidates will need to reach at least 3 percent in two national polls or one national and two state polls in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina or Nevada to qualify for the September 27 debate, according to Politico. For this month's upcoming debate in Wisconsin, candidates only need to hit 1 percent to qualify. The RNC has also increased the total number of donors from 40,000 to 50,000 with 200 individuals in at least twenty states. The polls must be "conducted with large sample sizes and by firms that are not affiliated with any of the candidates.

The very stable primary

Is Donald Trump unbeatable? That has been the big question hanging over the Republican presidential primary ever since the former president announced his candidacy last November. And, even before the first debate has taken place, it is a question to which “yes” looks like an increasingly plausible answer.  Since the early campaign got underway in earnest, the contest for the Republican nomination has been remarkably stable. Trump has held a commanding lead, Ron DeSantis has lagged behind him in a clear but distant second, failing to breakthrough as many thought he might after declaring his candidacy. Meanwhile, no one else has registered enough of a polling surge to announce themselves as a serious alternative.

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Nancy Mace’s hot summer

South Carolina congresswoman Nancy Mace has been floated as a potential vice presidential pick for Donald Trump. If her remarks at a prayer breakfast this week are anything to go by, she’d be a great fit, as she shares the Donald’s knack for scandalizing evangelicals. “I woke up this morning at 7,” Mace told the group Thursday morning. “Patrick, my fiancé, tried to pull me by my waist over this morning in bed and I was like, ‘No baby, we don’t got time for that this morning. I gotta get to the prayer breakfast, and I gotta be on time.’” An online furore followed, with some puritans pearl-clutching over the fact that Mace, a divorcée, was bragging about having premarital sex. “I go to church because I’m a sinner not because I’m a saint!

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DC outsider Doug Burgum at the Capitol Hill Club

North Dakota governor Doug Burgum is used to being counted out — and he brought that underdog energy to a meet and greet to Washington, DC, just in time to celebrate his surprising qualification for the Presidential Republican primary debate stage. At the swanky Capitol Hill Club he made his case. He was surrounded by his state’s congressional delegation along with Senator Susan Collins, former senator Norm Coleman and a room of curious onlookers, many of whom told Cockburn they first learned of his campaign when he launched a clever scheme to mail out $20 gift cards in exchange for a $1 donation—a way to reach the 40,000 donor threshold to make the stage.

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Is Ron DeSantis the new Kamala Harris?

What if the problem for Ron DeSantis isn’t that he resembles the spiraling candidacies of the past, but that he’s emulating someone who had a great start, then turned a plateau into a cascade? The general experience in Republican presidential flameouts over the past decade and a half has been the very obvious crash and burn. We have Rudy Giuliani in 2008, who botched his Houston abortion speech then said he would wait until Florida and dropped from a 44 percent lead into utter ignominy. We have 2012’s Rick Perry, who surged to a 29 percent lead over Mitt Romney’s 17 percent in the summer of 2011, only to drop out in the same place he announced, South Carolina.

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Francis Suarez’s Messi debate stage ploy

As Miami mayor Francis X. Suarez looks to dribble onto the presidential debate stage in Milwaukee, he’s raffling off front-row tickets to soccer superstar Lionel Messi’s American debut to anyone who Venmo's his campaign a single dollar — but campaign finance experts warn that the gimmick could pave the way for an influx of illegal foreign cash. Suarez is shooting his shot, banking on Messi’s star power more than his own to vault him past the required 40,000 donors the Republican National Committee is requiring in order to debate.  https://twitter.

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The GOP’s tribal warfare

Open any national publication, and you’ll read all about a cultish, fire-breathing MAGA majority in the Republican Party, slavish in its devotion to Donald Trump. Nothing will shake their conviction that Trump was the rightful winner of the 2020 election. This is the group that fumbled the ball on the one-yard line in the 2022 midterms, nominating unelectable kooks who could not perform the most basic of political tasks: winning undivided control of Congress amid 8 percent inflation that Americans largely blamed on the incumbent Democratic president. And now they’re poised to do it again. The front-runner for the Republican nomination in 2024 is (at present) the twice-indicted Donald Trump.

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The once and future president?

Donald Trump is having a better year than Joe Biden, notwithstanding an indictment or two. Both men hold commanding leads in the race for their parties’ presidential nominations. But the comparison works to Trump’s benefit: he isn’t quite an incumbent, while President Biden most definitely is. Not since George H.W. Bush in 1992 has an incumbent president faced a challenge within his own party as serious as the one Biden faces from Robert F. Kennedy Jr. After weeks of unceasingly hostile press coverage, RFK Jr. still holds onto 15 percent of the Democratic primary vote. Meanwhile, polling averages show Biden barely beating Trump in a prospective rematch next year.

joe exotic OE EXOTIC BY GONZALO LANZILOTTA. PLASTIBOY AND EL PLANTEO

Joe Exotic’s presidential plans from prison

“Do you have any advice for other presidential candidates who might end up in federal prison?” I ask Joseph “Exotic” Maldonado-Passage, of Tiger King fame, on a recent phone call. And I say “other” candidates because Joe Exotic is running for president. “You know what, Trump ought to stop bashing the Mexicans too bad on that border crisis stuff down there because when he gets in here, he’s going to be outnumbered. He’s going to find out they’re going to be his best friend,” Exotic says. “And he better stock up on Big Macs because they don’t serve that shit in here.” After claiming he’d spent two-and-a-half years in solitary confinement, Exotic was recently released back into general population.

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What would Trump’s second-term foreign policy look like?

Former president Donald Trump is in a world of legal trouble. Not only is he the first president in history to be impeached twice, he holds the unenviable distinction of being the first president to be indicted. He doesn’t do things by half-measures — he’s been indicted twice. So far he faces a total of seventy-one criminal charges of various severity in two separate investigations, from falsifying business records and retention of national defense information to obstruction of justice. And as this magazine goes to press, we still haven’t heard from Fani Willis in Georgia, or from the second Jack Smith investigation. Yet despite his legal woes, Trump remains a top contender for the highest office in the land.

Care for a little roleplay?

Welcome to Thunderdome, where this week we finally got to hear some fundraising numbers from the candidates and campaigns who were none too eager to share them... including a number who may not make it to even the first debate stage. The guys discussed this by engaging in a little bout of roleplay in the latest podcast, because who hasn’t wanted to pretend to be Doug Burgum for a day? Listen and learn, and stick around to hear why Democrats should be very nervous about RFK’s independent path... The Carolinians overperform One of the biggest questions heading into this quarter’s fundraising reports was what the performance would look like among the top three non-DeSantis candidates — Mike Pence, Nikki Haley and Tim Scott.

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Which candidates are set to qualify for the first Republican debate?

High-profile candidates are on track to meet the Republican National Committee’s new debate requirements for the first showdown on August 23 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The rules require that a candidate reach 1 percent support in three national polls (or two national polls and one early-primary state poll) conducted from July 1 onwards and have 40,000 individual donors, with at least 200 donors in twenty different states. Donald Trump, Ron DeSantis, Vivek Ramaswamy, Mike Pence, Tim Scott and Nikki Haley, who have all polled consistently over 1 percent in the past two polls, will likely qualify for the debate when the third is released. All but Pence have stated they have met the 40,000 donor threshold, according to Politico.

Desperate GOP candidates hatch schemes to reach debate donor threshold

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and we are seeing that truism play out in real time with what C-list Republican presidential candidates are doing to qualify for the presidential primary debates. While it’s increasingly unclear if former president Donald Trump will even appear on the debate stage himself, candidates such as North Dakota governor Doug Burgum are trying something new out: paying people to recruit more donors. The routes being taken by these also-ran candidates are slightly different. America Strong & Free PAC, which is backing former Arkansas governor Asa Hutchinson, is offering to make some small-dollar bundlers contractors by paying them for every new donor they recruit, Cockburn can first report.

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Caitlyn Jenner insults DeSantis fan’s man boobs

The Trump-DeSantis Twitter wars are raging on — and now some real celebrity is involved. Caitlyn Jenner, the transgender woman formerly known as Bruce, previously said in 2021 that she would support Donald Trump if he ran for president in 2024. The Olympic champion in the decathlon also said in an interview in April that the country needs an "alpha male" like Trump in the White House. The DeSantis camp drew the ire of Jenner and other LGBTQ+ Republicans with a new ad attacking Trump for various statements he made in support of Pride month and trans people using the bathrooms of their chosen gender.

Caitlyn Jenner attends the Pre-GRAMMY Gala (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for NARAS)