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C’mon man! That was Joe Biden’s message to the country on the Friday before his holiday weekend. Joe Biden is just a dude. He’s the dude for this time and place. He just wants to get home, crack a cold one, spend some time with his cars, his dog (RIP Champ) and his grill. Why is this so hard to understand, America? Today the last of the US forces stationed at Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan were making their final departure, as the Biden administration began the handover to a fragile alliance. But who really needs to answer questions from the press on that kind of monumental foreign policy decision when there is a giant cooler of 16-cent hotdogs waiting in the yard in Delaware?

John McCain's foul-mouthed blonde scion is leaving ABC's housewife daytime program, The View. The show's token conservative firebrand, Meghan McCain, announced Thursday she would depart as a co-host at the end of the season. Cable junkies will remember McCain for her combative commentary and entertaining rows with her post-menopause colleagues. 'I'm just going to rip the bandaid off,' McCain declared. 'I am here to tell all of you, my wonderful cohorts and viewers at home: this is going to be my last season here at The View.' After four years of service, McCain revealed it was not easy to leave the show and exchanged bland girl-power pleasantries with her coworkers.

What kind of man was Donald Rumsfeld? A successful one, by almost every measure. Ivy League scholar-athlete, captain of Princeton’s football and wrestling teams. Successful candidate for office, easily reelected to Congress twice before he left to join the Richard Nixon administration. There he proved a success at navigating both the federal bureaucracy and the internal politics of the scandal-consumed administration. He survived Nixon’s resignation and soon became Gerald Ford’s chief of staff — and after that, the youngest man ever to serve as secretary of defense, taking charge of a newly-minted all-volunteer force whose morale and discipline were in shambles after Vietnam.

Joe Biden has released a new statement on gun control and it’s about as concise and coherent as you would expect. Here’s an excerpt per a White House transcript: ‘Those who say the blood of lib- — “the blood of patriots,” you know, and all the stuff about how we’re going to have to move against the government. Well, the tree of liberty is not watered with the blood of patriots. What’s happened is that there have never been — if you wanted or if you think you need to have weapons to take on the government, you need F-15s and maybe some nuclear weapons.’ There’s the silver-tongued devil we all know and love.

Former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin was sentenced to over 22 years in prison by Judge Peter Cahill on Friday for the murder of George Floyd. Prosecutors had asked the imposing punishment be closer to 30 years. State guidelines recommend a 12-and-a-half-year sentence for a first-time offender. Cahill went beyond the guidelines, citing Chauvin’s ‘abuse of a position of trust and authority and also the particular cruelty’ to Floyd. A 22-year sentence tends to be associated with more grizzly offenders. Last year, 17-year-old Jered Ohsman was sentenced as an adult by a Hennepin County District Court — the same court that sentenced Chauvin — for killing 39-year-old Steven Markey during a botched robbery.

We did it, Joe! After weeks of pressure, Vice President Kamala Harris is finally going to visit the US-Mexico border. The administration's border czar will travel to El Paso, Texas, on Friday. 'Earlier this year, the President asked the Vice President to oversee our diplomatic efforts to address the root causes of migration from El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras,' VP spokeswoman Symone Sanders said in a statement Wednesday. 'As a part of this ongoing work, the Vice President traveled to Guatemala and Mexico earlier this month and will travel to El Paso on Friday.' Harris long resisted taking the trip down south, but her position became increasingly untenable with each disastrous interview and skyrocketing numbers of illegal border crossers.

Surely they can’t keep getting away with it. Oh, who is Cockburn kidding? Of course they can. Tuesday was a glorious day for karmic Houdini acts. Over at the New York Post, yet another story of Hunter Biden’s escapades landed with a graceless thud. Throughout Miranda Devine’s 1,300-word piece, one can sense her desperate desire to overwhelm with enough salacious details for the public to care. The First Son hired a Russian prostitute for an $8,000 weekend sex romp! He smoked crack! They made a porno! He balanced a line of M&Ms on his phallus! And Joe Biden, the current President of the United States, might have paid for it all! No, really! A literal ex-Secret Service agent texted Hunter about issues with 'Celtic’’s account. Celtic was Biden’s codename.

Score one for unexpected nominative determinism! All this time, people figured Sheldon Whitehouse’s name must foretell a quixotic attempt at the presidency. Instead, it turns out he just likes sitting in a giant house full of white people. Last Friday, as part of the nation’s Juneteenth ebullience (at least eight dead so far!), some enterprising reporter decided to ask the Rhode Island senator about his membership in the Spouting Rock Beach Association, better known as the Bailey’s Beach club. Whitehouse was asked if the club was still all-white — and if he was still a member. Whitehouse was apparently unprepared for the question, which is fairly inexcusable for a politician who has spent a year seeing others consumed by America’s racial 'reckoning’.

A clip showing a New York City Council candidate gagged and in nipple clamps as a dominatrix poured hot wax on him caused an uproar Saturday. But details surrounding the video's release raise questions that could implicate the alleged victim. The Spectator has discovered the full-length footage of the candidate's BDSM session posted on an anonymous, now suspended, OnlyFans account. In the footage, Weiner, 26, is subjected to various forms of humiliation by a dominatrix in leather chaps, who is his ex-girlfriend. The 30-second scene was posted on Twitter last week by an account named '@smart_mistress', the tweet reading, 'My magnificent domme friend played with Upper West Side city council candidate Zack Weiner, and I'm the only one who has the footage.

Joe Biden signed the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act this afternoon, which designates June 19 as a federal holiday. In recent years, the date has been a cause to commemorate the end of slavery in the United States. On June 19, 1865, Union Maj. Gen. George Granger assumed command of 2,000 federal troops on the island of Galveston in Texas and transmitted the news of the Emancipation Proclamation to the state's residents, freeing the slaves at the end of the Civil War. But in 2021, June 19 falls on a Saturday. According to the US Code (specifically 5 U.S. Code § 6103), 'Instead of a holiday that occurs on a Saturday, the Friday immediately before is a legal public holiday for...employees whose basic workweek is Monday through Friday.