The latest media palpitation about Donald Trump concerns his just-announced “Board of Peace.” Unveiled as an initiative to manage the introduction of tranquillity and physical reconstruction of that pile of rubble formerly known as Gaza, the Board of Peace seems to be filling all the empty space in the parking lot reserved for international relations. Think Big! The BoP now seems to take as its mandate international conflict more generally. Reporting on the fledgling enterprise, a story on ABC News mournfully told the world that “Critics and government leaders are decrying the board, saying it undermines the United Nations.”
Is that a promise? And more to the point, how would anyone be able to tell whether that monstrous, superannuated magnet for spies and Third-World grifters had been “undermined?” Inquiring minds want to know.
I will come back to Trump’s latest action idea in a moment. First, I have something to propose for the United Nations. Many countries have the sads about the United States. Their leaders think Trump is a bully. They hate it that he plucked the dictator Nicolás Maduro and his wife from their bedroom in Caracas and flew them, free and for nothing, to New York. They are weepy about his talk of appropriating Greenland and making its 56,000 residents rich. All the Danes had to offer was forced sterilization for the ladies, but we’re not supposed to talk about that.
But back to the UN. Why should New York get all the glory? I know the assorted despots like to come to Manhattan in their cloud of all-expense-paid diplomatic immunity to rail against the evils of Israel and the United States. But shouldn’t we take a page from that great Kenyan Barack Hussein Obama and seek to spread the wealth around?
Here’s my proposal. Untether the UN from the US. Beginning next year, let’s locate that august (in its own eye) body in various spots around the world for a term of, say, 3 years. Since everyone is so keen on Somalia at the moment, let’s move the UN to Mogadishu for three years beginning in January 2027. Then it might go to Ukraine for 3 years. Then to Gaza, where its great moral authority might help restore the tissues of that unfortunate stretch of beach front property.
Meanwhile, the hideous Corbusier structure in New York can either be demolished outright or taken apart piecemeal and shipped to Brussels, where it can be reassembled and open as a museum commemorating the unique combination of corruption and hectoring utopian blather that the UN has always specialized in. As for its site on the East River, that’s prime real estate. I suggest transforming it into some useful for once, a golf course, for example, or putting green.
And what about the Board of Peace? I think that the proposed charter for the Board of Peace is correct that it might well be “a more nimble and effective international peace-building body” than the UN. I know that is not saying much, but one has to start somewhere. Trump has been issuing invitations to various nations to join in the new enterprise. He has also proposed himself as chairman of the board, possibly for life. The anxious chihuahuas of the press are yapping hysterically about that. Among those invited to join are Argentina, Canada, Australia, Egypt, Hungary, Pakistan, Jordan, Turkey, Israel and India. The price of admission is $1 billion. In cash, thank you very much. Some countries are reluctant to join. Emmanuel Macron is reported to have retired to his boudoir to pout. He doesn’t want to play. That’s OK, said Trump, but I will impose a 200 percent tariff on French wine and champagne if you don’t.
There will be more to say about this week’s stunning idea from the fountain of new ideas that is Donald Trump. Just now, though, I have to pop round to my local wine shop to stock up on champagne. There will doubtless be plenty to celebrate in the coming months and I want to be sure to be well supplied.
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