They say being honest in the face of adversity can help save your neck. British Prime Minister Keir Starmer this afternoon proudly told the House of Commons, “I am a gooner.”
Cockburn must be charitable to Starmer (someone has to) and note that his word choice offers an example of two nations divided by a common language. In American English – very online American English – a “gooner” is someone who indulges in extensive bouts of self-gratification. Thanks to Harper’s magazine for making the term more widely known.
In British English, however, “gooner” is a variation of “Gunner,” meaning “fan of Arsenal Football Club.” This is only slightly less embarrassing.
Back in March, Leader of the Opposition Kemi Badenoch referred to Labour MPs as a “sea of orcs and goons.” In today’s Prime Minister’s Questions, Starmer quoted the remark and said, “Mr. Speaker, I am a Gooner, and so, as usual, she is less than half-right.”
Other prominent “gooners” include Idris Elba, Adam Friedland, Anne Hathaway, Tom Hiddleston, Piers Morgan and Reese Witherspoon. In the world of politics, Starmer goons alongside Jeremy Corbyn, Zohran Mamdani and… Osama bin Laden. (He’d be proud of how they behave at corners.)
In Cockburn’s native Washington, the sports bar Franklin Hall hosts the “DC Gooners” supporters’ club, though a sign above the entrance declares the venue the “home of the DC Armory.” That’s not as widely used a nickname for Arsenal fans, but presumably is part of an attempt to ensure the wrong sort of person isn’t drawn in off the street.
Arsenal seem to be on a glide path to winning their first trophy in six years. They lead the Premier League with two matches remaining and will play Paris Saint-Germain in the Champions League Final at the end of the month. Starmer, on the other hand…
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