This week, there has been a brutal murder. I speak not of one in the many wars in faraway lands, but one that has happened in every decent pub in this country. Timothy Taylor’s brewery, in their eternal wisdom, have decided to kill the Jovial Landlord that adorned the pump clip of their famous Landlord ale. This was apparently part of a wider campaign to attract Gen Z to the real ale scene, but I, a member of Gen Z that actually drinks Landlord, am furious about it.
They have replaced the proud, slightly balding, patriot of a landlord, pulling a pint of the good stuff in a red rugby shirt, with a skinny-looking fella in a top far too big for his frail frame. Not only does he wear his dad’s clothes, but in an age when sensitive young men are already being made insecure enough, he has been blessed with a full beard and a full head of hair. This happens to be a blessing that I also share, but still I would not trust this man to serve me a pint. He looks like he should be charging me an extortionate amount for a pulled pork burger with sweet potato fries served in a skillet, before asking whether I want to add a slice of halloumi for another £4.50. Alongside this, they have stolen the Boltmaker’s hat and given him a gormless smile in place of the wry little smirk drinkers have become familiar with.
Of course, I’m being completely dramatic, but surely this is what Timothy Taylor’s wanted? It was obviously the slightly old-timey pump clips that were stopping under-29s getting on the Landlord. Surely with this rebrand, it’s the end of the road for Guinness’ renaissance, game over for alcopops, curtains for lager. Young people will presumably now flood into the public houses of this great nation, stare approvingly at the softened lines and contemporary typography, and order four pints of this delicious ale.
Why companies seem to think the only way to win over Gen Z is to infantilise us is genuinely beyond me. The idea that we’re apparently incapable of buying anything unless the branding has been stripped of any personality is so tiring. I have never met anybody, let alone a young person, who has refused a pint because the illustrated man on the pump clip looked insufficiently contemporary.
So where has the old landlord gone? You wouldn’t normally expect a comrade like me to be arguing this passionately in defence of a landlord, but alas, these are strange times. They have either killed him, or they have sent him to Turkey for a hair transplant and makeover, or he has retired early. Who knows in this economy. Is this new version still jovial? I don’t think so. The old one looked like a guy who had been behind the bar since 1987 and would let you have a packet of crisps on tick. The new one does not.
Perhaps I am overreacting. In fact, I am definitely overreacting. But brands spend years building up tiny bits of character like this, then seem genuinely surprised when people notice that they’ve thrown them away. We become attached to these things precisely because they are unnecessary. Nobody drank Landlord because of the little bloke on the pump clip, but he was certainly an extra bonus. His little familiar face sitting there while the student behind the bar struggled around the long spout of a cask pump, a little glint in his eye.
Is this new version still jovial? I don’t think so. The old one looked like a guy who had been behind the bar since 1987 and would let you have a packet of crisps on tick
That’s surely the strange contradiction of trying to modernise a beer like Landlord. Part of the reason younger drinkers have rediscovered proper pubs, Guinness, cask ale, and all the rest of it is precisely because they do not feel newly invented for us. They have a bit of history and slightly unfashionable bits of character that survived long enough to become fashionable again. Sort of like boot cut jeans. You do not make them more appealing by pretending they’re this great modern invention.
The Jovial Landlord looked like he belonged on a beer pump whereas the new one looks like he should be podcasting with me. And all in the name of a Gen-Z strategy that will not work. I do not know a single person my age who didn’t drink Landlord before but will now they’ve had a rebrand. Anyway, in the meantime, this Gen-Zer will be waiting for them to reverse this awful decision, drowning my sorrows in several pints of a different reasonably priced cask ale.
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