Georgia is always on her phone, and who can blame her when there are just so many messages coming through? Largely it’s her own fault because there is nothing she loves more than setting up a group chat.
Every social occasion, however minor, deserves its own forum. Which is why her WhatsApp is a graveyard of past events: Year 3 Christmas Fair. Padel 4 Hot Mums. Mykonos 2024. Flo’s baby shower. Jilly Cooper Book/TV Club. Name India’s baby. One is simply called Apples and she has no recollection of creating it.
She is forever adding people to groups, or removing them, should she feel the need. Her groups, her rules. Back in her single-gal heyday, she presided over girl boss-themed literary evenings, safe spaces for basic bitches, sexy supper clubs, and, her absolute fav, hen-dos. God, she misses those days.
But now, as a mother, she is truly in her element. They say it takes a village to raise a family. Well, WhatsApp is Georgia’s village. And she is the chieftain.
She takes particular pride in her children’s school groups, as well as the local family networks she created. The rules, listed at the top, pinned, re-pinned and occasionally rewritten in bold, are extremely simple. It baffles her how often people get them wrong. No going off topic. NO POLITICS. And most importantly: BE KIND.
It is a full-time job policing it all, and sometimes, usually at 11.47pm while removing someone who has posted an inappropriate link about council parking restrictions, she wonders why she bothers.
Yet she is known locally for running it all, which is its own sort of power. She absolutely loves being asked, ‘Can you add me to the WhatsApp?’ Everyone seems pleased to be included in her digital worlds.
Her favourite part, though, is the breakaway group.
Ideally, these elite groups should contain no more than three people. Four is risky. Five might as well be public. Within the confines of this tiny, highly trusted group, Georgia and her fellow conspirators can screenshot, discuss and dissect the dramas and sagas unfolding in the other groups. Who said what. Who liked what. Who keeps getting it wrong. (There was, of course, the terrible incident when Georgia accidentally sent that message to the entire local mothers’ group, rather than her best friend. But the less said about that the better. Everyone has moved on. She certainly has.)
She has strong views on the difference between a thumbs-up and a heart emoji. A thumbs-up is for logistics. Yes, I can volunteer for the school fair. Message received, etc. A heart is for genuine emotion e.g. baby pictures, engagement announcements, first-day-of-school pics. A heart on a logistical message is weird.
Polls are another weapon in her arsenal, and she deploys one at every available opportunity. It gives people the illusion of democracy while ensuring that someone (her) gets to make the final decision.
Georgia hates the term ‘playdate’ (so American, so transactional) but as there is currently no acceptable English alternative, she is constantly messaging other mothers to arrange them. ‘Would your tribe like to come round after school one day. Picky bits for them, vino for us?’ she writes, deliberately avoiding the word. She loathes the term ‘picky bits’, too, so deploys it with heavy irony.
One day, the moment will arrive when she can finally give her tribe the independence to organise their own schedules. But this, of course, will mean that the dreaded screens will enter their innocent little lives.
Which is why, like every other sensible mother, she is already doing all she can to mitigate the damage. She is obviously thrilled about the incoming social media ban.
As is the school’s Screen-Free Childhood group, her most frenetic WhatsApp group by a long way. Every few minutes, it seems, yet another parent has discovered another dumb phone, encountered a new statistic/article/podcast about ADHD, or is concerned about whether a Fitbit is a gateway to their child becoming a murderous incel. It gets quite boring after a while, so she often puts the group on mute.
Georgia knows, though, that teaching her children about the dangers of screen time is one of the great challenges of modern parenting. So, this morning she set up a new WhatsApp group, specifically for fun mums who want to raise ‘Little Luddites’ but also don’t want their children to be social outcasts: Mamas vs Big Tech.
It already has 27 members. She is the only admin.
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