Remember the Coldplay kisscam couple? Loved-up Andy Byron and Kristin Cabot were caught embracing at a Boston concert, only to pull away and duck for cover once they realised, with horror, that they had been spotted. The drama, intrigue and cringe-factor surrounding the pair, who were both married to other people at the time, ensured the 16-second clip became last summer’s viral hit. Concern about the invasion of their privacy was tempered by the fact that, well, they were at a Coldplay concert.
Cabot claims she still cannot find a job, while suggesting that Byron has received ‘lots of interest’ from employers
Being thrust into the limelight, particularly for being caught in flagrante, can’t have been pleasant. So it is perhaps surprising that, eight months on, Cabot has popped up on Oprah Winfrey’s hugely popular podcast. She wants the world to know that she has been treated very differently from Byron.
In the immediate aftermath of Kisscam-gate, Byron resigned as CEO of Astronomer, a Boston-based data infrastructure start-up. Cabot, likewise, resigned as Head of Human Resources. But that, according to Cabot, is where the similarities end. She received hate mail and even death threats, which Byron, apparently, did not. But as he has not released any public statement, it is surely difficult to know for certain.
Cabot claims she still cannot find a job, while suggesting that Byron has received ‘lots of interest’ from employers, including several job offers. Cabot’s explanation for these double standards appears to be sexism. But sexism with a twist. Cabot says she was told that ‘90 per cent of the online comments and hate came from women and all the in-person comments came from women.’ So not just sexism but women’s own internalised misogyny. ‘I had no idea how unwell we are as a gender,’ Cabot laments to Oprah.
I know the whole kisscam viral moment would not have happened were it not for TikTok, but Cabot’s story gives very 2016 vibes. It’s not just that Coldplay were all over the airwaves that year, hyping their Glastonbury appearance and promoting their album A Head Full of Dreams. But about this time, ‘girl boss’ feminism was all the rage. Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg taught women to ‘Lean In’ to their careers and own the boardroom, and snappily titled female empowerment books offered instruction on breaking the glass ceiling. ‘Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers’, a classic of the genre, became a New York Times bestseller. It was all very ‘You Go, Girl!’ and, frankly, exhausting.
Clearly, something went awry because not all women now spend their days girlbossing. Plenty of us have far better things to do with our time than climbing the corporate ladder. But some women who leant in and stopped making unconscious career-sabotaging mistakes still didn’t make it to the top table. Or, like Cabot, they successfully bagged the corner office only to struggle to hold on to it.
Luckily for them, by 2017, feminism had morphed from girl boss to #MeToo. Didn’t get the corner office? Misogyny! Gender pay gap? It’s not that women tend, on average, to put in fewer hours or take time out of work altogether after having babies; it’s sexism, stupid. Men who challenge the feminist narrative prove that sexism is rife. Women who raise questions stand accused of internalised misogyny. It’s heads I win and tails you lose for the girl bosses.
But Cabot’s story does warrant questioning. For a start, we only have her word that Byron has been inundated with employment opportunities in the wake of kisscam. He has made no such declarations. If he has had job offers, there may be a rational, non-sexist explanation. As a successful CEO with leadership roles in several technology-focused ventures before his two years at Astronomer, Byron presumably has experience and skills that are in demand. Just maybe, Cabot’s skills in Human Resource management are more readily available.
In any case, reputation matters in HR. This is not just about viral videos and the moral rights and wrongs of workplace relationships; in many companies, particularly in America, relationships between members of staff are strongly discouraged. For the Head of HR to be spotted embracing her boss may be a bridge too far for Cabot’s potential employers. Unfortunately for Cabot, her Oprah appearance – just like the interview she gave to the Times in December – only reminds future bosses of her public profile.
There may be more than job opportunities for Cabot’s refusal to let things lie. Whereas she has now filed for divorce from her husband, and is, as she tells Oprah, ‘raising my kids alone’, Byron was spotted with his wife, both wearing wedding rings, just days after the kisscam incident. Crucially, Byron never did as Cabot might well have wanted him to do and issue a statement declaring that ‘My wife and I were separated at the time of the concert.’ One would be tempted to say, ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,’ were it not for accusations of internalised misogyny and betraying the sisterhood.
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