In the past few days, the good people of Football Twitter have rediscovered a Guardian article from 2014. Dick Bate, former manager of the England Under-17s, recalled an occasion from the 2002 European Championships in which a young Wayne Rooney, at a meal with the entire squad, stood up and read a self-composed poem called When Saturday Comes. In this poem, Rooney expressed his pride in representing his nation. This has got me thinking: are footballers truly thick?
Have we judged Rooney unfairly?
That is certainly the prevailing sentiment. Admittedly, I have not been able to obtain a copy of When Saturday Comes, to determine whether it is actually any good. But regardless, the Rooney who not only writes poetry but also desires to read it to his teammates is not the Wayne Rooney that has been presented for 20 years in the media. Have we judged Rooney unfairly based on a mixture of tabloid headlines, granny shenanigans and his unavoidable Scouse accent?
This is actually not the first anecdote of Rooney from recent years that has shifted my opinion of him. Football journalist Henry Winter has told the story of when he went to Auschwitz with the England squad in 2012 and he was amazed at the level of perception shown by Wayne Rooney in his questions to the tour guide. When he quizzed Rooney on the bus back, he discovered that Rooney was a huge fan of the seminal Laurence Olivier World at War series.
As mentioned, he is not an articulate man. Perhaps the issue is that we mistake inarticulation for being unintelligent. We certainly mistake the opposite; many people who are highly articulate are mistaken for being intelligent (many politicians spring to mind).
Rooney is not alone in his smarts. His England contemporary Frank Lampard, during his time at Chelsea, was reported to have scored 150 on an IQ test, making him a certified genius and eligible for Mensa. He achieved 12 GCSEs, all at A or A*. Graeme Le Saux was also considered something of an outlier amongst his fellow players. In fact, Le Saux has blamed the homophobic abuse he received throughout his career, despite being married to a woman, on the fact that he went to university and read the Guardian. At this point, the writer feels it important to clarify that reading the Guardian does not make you a homosexual, but it also does not necessarily make you intelligent.
Now, I am, of course, cherry-picking. For every Wayne Einstein, Frank Newton, or Doctor Socrates (the Brazilian already named after a philosopher who decided to get a medical degree and enter politics), you have your… less well-read players. David Beckham, for instance, once remarked that he would like for his son to be christened; he just didn’t know into which religion. Kevin Keegan once was so bold as to call his opponents the second-best team in the world, and “there’s no higher praise than that”. Michael Owen, of course, drove football fans insane for years with his statements of the obvious, including “when they don’t score, they hardly ever win.”
But it is truly unfair to tarr all footballers with the same brush. Intelligence can be measured in many different ways. Being able to express oneself coherently and in a way that makes one seem thoughtful is a great skill which can get you far in life, but not as a footballer. These are not skills which help one perfect their dribbling, make you faster or hone your ability to produce a perfect slide tackle that might break an opponent’s leg without giving away a foul. But they are traits that make for good coaches and commentators. This may well explain why Frank Lampard is currently experiencing greater success as a manager post-retirement than Wayne Rooney who, as we’ve established, may be a secret genius but does not possess a way with words. This is also why Michael Owen will continue to be ridiculed by spectators until the day TNT finally stops paying him to spout nonsense.
I may have opened Pandora’s Box. Wayne, Frank, Graeme, if you are reading this, please do not take my endorsement of your vast intellect as any indication of my desire to hear your thoughts on political issues. Gary Lineker, who falls into the lower tier of intellectual footballers, has done quite enough to convince me we never need to hear a footballer speak on foreign affairs, economics, or “social justice” ever again. As a private citizen you are more than welcome to hold your own views and vote if you so wish. Just don’t think because you’re smarter than other footballers that the population benefits from hearing from you opine on every matter of the day.
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