One of the least successful operas in history received a revival at Westminster this week. ‘Die Frau ohne Schatten’ – the woman without a shadow – tells of betrayal, moral weakness and a mad emperor, all taking place around a group of southern islands, and was not a hit for Richard Strauss. Its revival at Westminster had a new title, however: ‘The Man with No Shame’.
Inevitably, given the news, the Chagos featured heavily at PMQs, as did the situation in Greenland. The betrayal of south sea, or rather Indian Ocean, islands, no longer seems to be the preserve of opera, or even operetta, but instead the active policy of the man squatting in Downing Street. ‘The future of Greenland should only be decided by the people of Greenland’, began Kemi Badenoch. Did the President agree or disagree? Cue – not for the first or last time – a round of initial stammering ejaculation from Starmer. ‘Well – erm – um’ he blathered. Eventually he found his feet and made a grubby little speech about security in the Arctic. To this tinpot attempt to sound like a sort of Churchill for polar bears, his MPs all nodded and cheered. This is a rare sight these days, but all the more sickening given their contemptible voting on the Chagos islands the previous night. Starmer isn’t the only one devoid of shame.
He grew more heated, doubtless imagining himself as one with other Great War leaders. Presumably he thinks Pitt and Churchill would admire his statesmanship. In fact it seems unfair to associate even Anthony Eden or Lord North with the PM’s efforts. He did, however, criticise President Trump, in a marked change from being so far up his bottom he could see Marco Rubio’s feet. That said, it was hardly a Catiline denunciation. Indeed, the strongest oink Starmer could manage in a Transatlantic direction was when he accused Trump of ‘deploying words’. This sort of construction is peak Starmer. He makes Tinky Winky sound like Cicero.
Things got even more embarrassing as his answers progressed, ‘I will not yield,’ cried Starmer, like an adenoidal Ulysses. Though the initial questions were about Greenland, the utter magnitude of the hypocrisy meant that it was only a matter of time before the Chagos were mentioned. ‘Here it comes,’ yelled someone from the Labour benches, as Badenoch began asking about the great betrayal. Again, it’s impossible to emphasise just how shameless Labour are being with their double standards here. One minute Starmer is winning cheers for his Churchill impression, the next he’s getting them for his take on Quisling with a head-cold.
Sir Keir accused Badenoch of ‘naked opportunism’, then claimed that asking about Chagossian self-determination was somehow undermining UK efforts in Greenland and ‘the national interest’. This wasn’t just embarrassing for the Man Without Shame but for all the Labour party, who for reasons known only to themselves and the mental health professionals who should have power of attorney over them, have decided that betraying the Chagossians is the great moral cause de nos jours. ‘Absolutely right’, snapped Wes Streeting across the despatch box. Presumably his panto work is drying up at this time of year and he’s calculated that the Chagos islanders are, in the words of Henri of Navarre, worth a mass. The gnomic MP for Banbury Sean Woodcock cheered as if he were witnessing the moon landings.
‘I’ve been clear and consistent,’ cried Starmer. Instead, he informed us, the inconsistency was all Mrs Badenoch’s. He accused her of having ‘three different positions on Greenland’. In fact, she was merely following the logic of Starmer’s own pronouncements, that self-determination should equally apply to the Chagossians. Starmer then heavily implied, and I am not exaggerating this, that his sellout of the Chagossians was somehow necessary to defend the people of Greenland from US aggression. You do reach a point where the layers of absurdist deceit become almost impossible to pick through. It is genuinely hard to think of a more shameless display in Starmer’s career, which given what that entails is saying something.
There was fortunately some light relief. We were treated to the presence of Loughborough MP Dr Jeevun Sandher, a man who believes himself to be a great orator but in fact is addicted to vocal onanism. To be notable for one’s massively inflated and completely disproportionate sense of self-worth among this group of Labour MPs is a serious achievement, and yet Dr Jeevun manages it. In his rambling introduction, he managed to time out his own question complaining about the ‘aftershocks of Thatcher’.
Mrs Badenoch had a bad week
Other Labour MPs sought to exacerbate their day of shame by pure rudeness. Emily Thornberry gabbled away, a sort of RP Ena Sharples. Much heckling came from Harlow MP Chris Vince who will, if polling is to be believed, soon be returning to his actual vocation as an out-of-work Gareth Southgate impersonator.
Frustratingly, given the PM’s overt lies at the despatch box, Mrs Badenoch had a bad week. She allowed Sir Keir’s lame jokes to land and wasn’t quick enough in calling him out for the steady, effluent stream of pomposity and deceit which he inflicted upon the Commons. Annoyingly, his ability to get away with shameful inconsistency on the Chagos and Greenland without proper scrutiny emboldened him to yet more shameless behaviour. The Greens’ Ellie Chowns asked about the state of Britain’s waterways and received a lecture about Vladimir Putin. Alicia Kearns was fobbed off with his usual porcine patronisation when she asked about a pub in her constituency suffering a 2,000 per cent increase in business rates.
The problems of today’s world require courage, authenticity and honesty. Instead we are destined – presumably by some curse worthy of a symbolic opera – to be led at this most critical of times by this, the man with no shame.
Comments