Q. My husband worked in an office for 25 years and now works from home. As well as the interaction with colleagues, he clearly misses hearing the sound of his own voice. I sympathise, but during the day I obviously need to tell him various things, and almost as soon as I begin to speak he starts interrupting with fatuous prompts such as ‘And then what did he say?’ or ‘And did you tell him you were wondering when he was going to ring up?’ When he keeps interrupting, I lose the thread of my message. How can I keep things pleasant?
– S.R., London W12
A. Next time you have some facts which need to be conveyed, open a file on your computer and type out what you would say were you not to be interrupted. You can then bypass frustration by telling your husband there is a new message for him in his inbox.
Q. What to do when subjected to an unwarranted verbal attack at a social gathering? This week, at an 80th birthday party, someone I have known for years made a sneering remark about my ‘humble’ background to me in front of two others. I have never made a secret of my background, indeed I am proud of it, and although the man in question may come from a technically higher rank in society his family has plenty of skeletons in its cupboard. I didn’t want to spoil the evening for our hosts by retaliating so I just changed the subject, but felt he should not have got away with this. What should I have done?
– W.M., London W8
A. Do remember that at your age many of your contemporaries are not necessarily being deliberately rude – dementia may be at play. Either way, it would be wise to respond to uncharacteristic outbursts as though it was. Kindly squeeze the hand of the offender and say: ‘Are you all right, dear?’
Q. I have discovered that there are some very good deals for pre-theatre menus in the West End. I have no intention of going to the theatre but I do like to take girls out to restaurants and this way you can go for a prix fixe at £19.95 for three courses. My problem is that girls don’t want to go straight from work to a restaurant. They love the ritual of getting dressed up and photographing themselves and don’t want to turn up before 8.30 p.m., which is much more pricey. How can I persuade them to join me for an early supper at 6.30 p.m. without them finding out that I am being a cheapskate?
– G.C., London SW3
A. Don’t persuade – be firm. Just say you are following doctor’s orders and eating early. Girls would prefer to be asked for an early supper than not at all.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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