Tamzin Lightwater

I do want to believe there’s more to life than money but it does seem a bit — well — impractical MONDAYI do want to believe there’s more to life than money but it does seem a bit — well — impractical. Mummy is furious. Says if Dave would care to pay our vet’s bills for the two months Sesame has been malingering with horsey colic, then she will happily admit that money isn’t everything. In the meantime, if it’s OK with Dave, we’ll just go on working our fingers to the bone for hard cash. ‘It’s all right for them,’ she rants. ‘If their horses get sick, I expect they just sell another painting.’ Daddy says we are going to have to tighten our belts.

TuesdayHateful, horrid Tessa Jowell. Things have gone mad at Tory headquarters since the stupid row over her silly husband. Everyone sweating over share certificates. I’ve been put on to a new unit monitoring ‘outside interests’. Poppy wrote ‘Jose Mourinho’ on her form and had to start again. Childish, really. We have to ask our MPs whether they ‘or their spousal partner of choice’ have an ‘offshore’. They’re all being jolly rude about it. I don’t think any MP, no matter how closely related to Winston Churchill, should be able to tell a press officer to forcibly insert their official brief ...Well, anyway. Wednesday amMore misery. We have to find out who has put money into ‘hedge funds’.

ThursdayOnly my third day, and I must say that it isn’t so easy being a Tory press officer in the AD era — that’s After Dave (My joke!). People may think it’s all frappaccinos and solar panels at Victoria Street but the reality is pretty shocking, actually. There’s the District Line, for a start, with all those horrible smells (whoops! Memo to self: must be more ‘odour inclusive’). But Nigel says the real problem is we don’t know what to do with all this ‘popularity stuff’. Today I have every national daily and most of the Sundays on the phone demanding the first interview with Sam about the new baby. Nigel says she is the Madonna of the modern Tory party.