Steerpike

There I was, enjoying a liquid lunch with a senior Tory who is long beyond accepting any front bench job, when we were interrupted by his vibrating iPhone. He raised an eyebrow at the private number. Could this be the call of which more ambitious men have been dreaming all reshuffle-day? Apparently not. ‘Hello... yes, yes it is. Oh BBC or Sky? Sky eh, who is it? … No, no not her. Anyone else. Well can’t you try someone later on? … Why not? … I will tell you why not: because Kay Burley is a thick as two planks and there is no point in being interviewed by her ... Ok ... Yes, see what you can do. Thanks. Bye.’ Poor Kay.

The saying goes that the only silver lining at the end of a political career is the chance to read your own obituary without actually dying. For Giles Coren, the speculation that he had 'quit Twitter' was the twenty first century equivalent. It was not all good news though. After a characteristically bad tempered exchange with a rival critic, Coren's account promptly disappeared for twenty-four hours. The obvious speculation that he had stormed off in one of his signature rages quickly brewed. His last words seemed to be: ‘F**k off Marina. It's hurtful and bitchy and pompous. When I want career advice from you I'll f**king ask for it.’ Not bad for a epitaph.

Who said posh youths don't riot? Head down to South Kensington tonight for some Bullingdon-style antics: the nightclub Boujis is inviting loyal regulars to smash the place up before closing time. Guests are invited to leave their mark by scribbling over the walls before literally pulling down the decor - all aided by 'construction girls'. But panic not, Prince Harry! Doors open again at the end of September. All will be fully redecorated and minus the graffiti. In fact Mr Steerpike might have to pop by tonight to see the destruction of the dance floor on which William famously wooed Kate…but strictly in an observational role, of course.

Over the pond journalists are one by one being accused of plagiarism, while here our old friend Johann Hari popped back up on my radar. Though the Indy columnist was eventually disgraced for conducting mythical interviews, he never properly addressed other accusations of smearing rivals and colleagues on Wikipedia and in comment sections across the internet. But has he finally apologised to Cristina Odone, one of his more unfortunate victims? She certainly deserves an apology given Hari's alter ego David Rose falsely accused her of anti-semitism and homophobia. According to Guardian columnist Patrick Strudwick, she has finally received one.

Now that everyone has stopped moaning about a lack of Olympic gold, focus has returned to another burning issue issue - why is Team GB’s kit so terrible? Designed by Stella McCartney, critics have pointed out the blue-and-white stripes look more like a Saltire than a Union flag. Don’t even get me started on the gold and white tracksuits donned by our stars for the Opening Ceremony... With her customary chippiness, McCartney has hit back at the naysayers, declaring that anyone that does not like the kit is clearly just stupid: ‘It’s taken me three years to do this, it’s not as easy as it looks and I think we need to be cut a little bit of slack.

News reaches No. 22 that rising star of the right Milo Yiannopoulos, of Catholic Herald and tech-world fame, is to be nominated for Stonewall's 'Homophobe of the Year'. The news has come as a surprise to the flamboyant Yiannopoulos, who, despite arguing forcefully against gay marriage on Channel 4's risible 10 O'Clock Live, has never made a secret of his own sexuality. Then again, headlines such as 'The lingering stench of gay marriage', published after an appearance on Newsnight earlier in the year, may have contributed to the nomination. But the waspish columnist, recently dubbed the 'pit bull of tech media' by the Observer, need not worry about winning: Mr Steerpike understands that he's up against Ken Livingstone.