Paul Wood

‘What do you suggest for my dad who’s now my mother?’

‘Before I give you my answer, can I ask you to subscribe...’

‘Simon might say, Mother, but AI thinks different.’

‘I cut the nose off the brie.’

‘So, how long have you been an intimacy co-ordinator?’

‘Apparently in the UK you can smell skunk on every street corner...’

‘It’s a boy who will transition to a woman.’

‘It’s OK, the internet isn’t down – the government have just banned it.’

‘The charge is offendaphobia. How do you plead?’

‘Brexity books? What Brexity books?’

‘It can go from 0 to a stolen phone in under eight seconds.’

‘Unfortunately, you’ve won the car…’

‘It’s no good, I can’t clear my head of thoughts about Trump.’

‘Yes Mr Musk, if Daisy doesn’t present a list of her completed chores she can’t have any pizza...’

‘Oh, that’s by Ed Miliband.’

‘Homework was hard – I couldn’t decide whether to use ChatGPT or DeepSeek.’