Paul Wood

‘The charge is offendaphobia. How do you plead?’

‘Brexity books? What Brexity books?’

‘It can go from 0 to a stolen phone in under eight seconds.’

‘Unfortunately, you’ve won the car…’

‘It’s no good, I can’t clear my head of thoughts about Trump.’

‘Yes Mr Musk, if Daisy doesn’t present a list of her completed chores she can’t have any pizza...’

‘Oh, that’s by Ed Miliband.’

‘Homework was hard – I couldn’t decide whether to use ChatGPT or DeepSeek.’

‘Brian, isn’t Dry January and Veganuary enough?!’

‘Let your dad rest. He’s spent all day pounding the tweets...’

‘Shouldn’t you be influencing somebody?’

‘I’m confused – is this a Tory doom and gloom or Labour doom and gloom?’

‘Relax, you won’t see two-tier policing at this station...’

‘It’s all Jacob does since he lost his seat’

‘David Tennant has found his nemesis.’

‘There are a lot of independents hoping to win this constituency.’

‘Can you tell me what the money will be used for?’