Nick Newman

‘When I saw lockdown coming I headed straight for the barbers.’

‘This eternity has been going on for what seems like a lockdown!’

‘We’ll take it — it’s in a lovely tier.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ve got a mask.’

‘Relax, there’s bound to be a Yule turn.’

‘At least it won’t affect the Lib Dem conference.’

‘If anyone’s going, it’s Sneezy.’

‘You’ll grow into it.’

Government Build, Build, Build programme gets under way

Labour MPs get the exam results they were hoping for

‘We're making a meal of it.’

‘We’re waiting for Waiting for Godot.’

‘When you start seeing a second wave, it’s time to go home.’

Social distancing drinking measures.

‘How embarrassing – I’ve been linked to Emily Maitlis.’

‘Let’s hope the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street isn’t in a care home.’

‘Blimey, is The Spectator still going?’