Nick Newman

‘Let’s play War. I’ll be Chatty Rat and you be Foolish and Unethical.’

‘You must ask yourself the question: “Will I be stinking rich?”’

‘Halt! Who goes there — friend or Defence Secretary?

‘Our son’s so lazy, I’m having to take his Covid test for him.’

‘I know it’s good to get to school early, but 8 March is two weeks away.’

‘I flew in this morning.’

‘You can still fly by the seat of your pants.’

‘I suggest switching to the Bank of Euan Blair’s Mum and Dad.’

‘The free school meal is so bad my daughter refuses to photograph it.’

‘No thanks, I’m too tiered.’

‘I hope by March I’ll remember how to bunk off.’

‘I need to take your temperature.’

‘Whatever the Brexit deal outcome, I’ll be gutted!’

‘Hooray! Now we can die from something else!’

‘Each day reveals a special adviser who resigns.’