Energy drinks
‘Keep Billy off energy drinks, Mrs Whizz.’
Nick Newman
Wednesday
Thursday
Cheat!
‘Oi, cheat! Download your own ChatGPT essay!’
Need to know
‘So, what do you need to know?’
Wednesday
Stand by
‘Stand by for Farage deportations!’
We’ve spent a fortune
‘We’ve spent a fortune on reducing our property’s value.’
Wednesday
When I get to Britain I want to be so rich the wealth tax forces me to leave the country
‘When I get to Britain I want to be so rich the wealth tax forces me to leave the country.’
Wednesday
Ten shillings
‘I preferred it when Grandpa gave us ten shillings.’
Eyeliner
‘We’ve stocked up on eyeliner.’
Wednesday
Enjoy the sewage
‘We don’t need to go all the way to the seaside to enjoy the sewage.’
Wednesday
I’m going on holiday
‘I’m going on holiday so you’ll have to get an AI doctor to go on strike for me.’
Wednesday
We’ve always had a bit of trouble stopping the boats
‘We’ve always had a bit of trouble stopping the boats’
If he really wanted to save the planet, he’d throw soup at a Van Gogh
‘If he really wanted to save the planet, he’d throw soup at a Van Gogh.’
Wednesday
The sight of a politician
‘The sight of a politician in trouble always gets me going.’
Maybe there’s hope for the Tory party
‘If they can bring us back to life, maybe there’s hope for the Tory party.’
Wednesday
Keir Starmer has learned to roll over, babble and crawl
‘After one year Keir Starmer has learned to roll over, babble and crawl.’
Oh no!
‘Oh no! Trump’s still coming!’
Wednesday
Wednesday
If it’s world war three
‘If it’s world war three it’s time to head for the bunker!’
Wednesday
If the magic money tree can make a comeback…
‘If the magic money tree can make a comeback, I have high hopes for the future.’
Wednesday
Not Nigel Farage
‘Let’s be realistic about these wishes – I’m not Nigel Farage’
