I’ve looked into the oligarch’s case
From our UK edition
‘I’ve looked into the oligarch’s case and I’ve agreed to take it.’
Nick Newman
Thursday
Thursday
You’re mad to go to war
From our UK edition
‘You’re mad to go to war with Putin and insane not to!’
I can’t enlighten
From our UK edition
‘I can’t enlighten you as to the meaning of “woman”.’
Thursday
No wonder it’s expensive
From our UK edition
‘No wonder it’s expensive – it tastes like petrol.’
Why haven’t I got a peerage?
From our UK edition
‘I’m your best friend – why haven’t I got a peerage?’
Too scared to watch the news
From our UK edition
‘It’s for being too scared to watch the news’
Your father’s made a lot of sacrifices
From our UK edition
‘Your father’s made a lot of sacrifices to get you into a good school.’
Thursday
I want chicken Kyiv!
From our UK edition
‘I don’t want chicken Kiev – I want chicken Kyiv!’
Thursday
Dammit — we’re missing This Is Going to Hurt
From our UK edition
‘Dammit — we’re missing This Is Going to Hurt.’
We’ve found traces of river in the sewage
From our UK edition
‘We’ve found traces of river in the sewage.’
Thursday
Never a policeman around
From our UK edition
‘There’s never a policeman around when you want one.’
The property ladder
From our UK edition
‘It’s the property ladder.’
Thursday
‘ONWARDS!’
From our UK edition
‘ONWARDS!’
Thursday
Can you keep the noise down?
From our UK edition
‘Can you keep the noise down? I can’t hear myself drink.’
Thursday
i be dyslexic
From our UK edition
‘Arrrrrr, sorry ladies, I be dyslexic.’
We’re having a bit of a don’t
From our UK edition
‘We’re having a bit of a don’t.’
Thursday
Woking from home
From our UK edition
Woking from home
I’m afraid the school insists on masks
From our UK edition
‘I’m afraid the school insists on masks.’
Thursday
Wearing masks should keep us safe over Christmas
From our UK edition
‘Wearing masks should keep us safe over Christmas.’
So who’s been naughty and nice?
From our UK edition
‘So who’s been naughty and nice?’