Nick Newman

‘That’s global warming for you.’

‘I’m a championship-winning footballer trapped in a man’s body.’

‘The booster seat’s for Lord Wilf.’

‘Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?’

‘I expect Lulu Lytle will be overly decorated.’

‘Never mix grain and grope.’

‘When you promised me a treehouse I knew it would never happen.’

‘If you wish to swim competitively it’ll have to be in a separate category.’

‘Whatever else, rewilding has ruined crop circles!’

‘So he won the no-confidence vote?’

‘Hooray! My heating bill worries are over!’

‘So you work in the Downing Street press team?’

‘I find the price of bread a lot scarier.’