Neal Pollack

Neal Pollack

Neal Pollack is senior editor of The Spectator’s US edition. He is also the author of 12 semi-bestselling books of fiction and nonfiction and a three-time Jeopardy! champion.

Friday

Neal Pollack

My World Series of Poker debut

From our US edition

I played in the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas this summer for the first time. The most common question I got on social media and in person, from dozens of people who’ve never suffered through a poker tournament before, was: “How do you qualify for this?” The answer is: you show up, pay your money, and then you’re in. Anyone could do the World Series of Poker tomorrow. I don’t recommend the WSOP as an activity if you’ve never played poker before, but as a human with a bank account or some other sort of cash reserve, you’re technically eligible. The other question, once I started posting my results, was: “Are you still in the tournament, or are you eliminated?” Don’t be a dope.

poker
greatest living american writer salman rushdie
Neal Pollack

The Greatest Living American Writer on Salman Rushdie

From our US edition

In the late 1990s, author Neal Pollack developed an alter-ego character, "The Greatest Living American Writer," for the McSweeneys website, to satirize a generation of pretentious authors, particularly Norman Mailer and Gore Vidal, as well as macho literary journalists. That character formed the basis of Pollack's first book, the cult classic The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature. The GLAW has since appeared in numerous other publications,  left- and right-wing and completely apolitical, surfacing and de-surfacing as the times demand. Now he's back in The Spectator World, until we get tired of him.  I have been the Greatest Living American Writer across eight decades of world literature and have seen many shocking acts of violence.

Tuesday

Neal Pollack

Reflections on two decades of yoga

From our US edition

Recently it occurred to me that I’ve been doing yoga for twenty years. This happened while I was doing yoga, which makes a lot of sense. My Buddha-worthy insight reminded me of a time when I’d only been doing yoga for three years and still gazed around at my surroundings wonderingly, like a toddler, which, in a yoga sense, I was. I’d traveled to San Francisco for a Yoga Journal conference, the vogue back in the Aughts. All the famous yoga teachers, and their willing dues-paying acolytes, gathered in the Brutalist basement of the downtown Hilton, not a particularly beautiful or Zen location. I took workshops all day, including a lousy, pretentious harmonium-soaked one from an emaciated master who looked like a yoga version of Iggy Pop, but with worse taste in music.

yoga

Tuesday

Neal Pollack

How to jail a president

From our US edition

Of all the strange political things that may occur in what will be one of the stranger political years in history, one possibility stands out as the strangest. Donald Trump, who will almost certainly be the Republican presidential nominee, is also facing the possibility of a racketeering conviction that could send him to prison. So, how exactly do you jail a president? Trump’s most fervent opponents may find themselves disappointed. No one’s going to toss the Donald into some American equivalent of the Black Hole of Calcutta. And as much as people might want to shut him up, no one is going to hold him captive in a bare, dark cell with a Hannibal Lecter mask over his face. On the other hand, Trump’s most fervent supporters could find themselves disappointed as well.

president

Friday

Neal Pollack

There is not going to be a second Civil War

From our US edition

I have important news for everyone: there is not going to be a second American Civil War. That may be hard for some people to grasp, as they seem almost fully committed to the idea that Civil War 2 is a pre-produced done deal just waiting for a wide release. But, as honorary American Gordon Ramsay might say, let me make one thing clear, young lady. The Second Civil War is a fear-based fantasy, mostly based on media-bubble abstractions. And our fantasy-making apparatus is in the midst of exploiting that fear. Exhibit one is Alex Garland’s upcoming A24 movie, subtly titled Civil War, starring Kirsten Dunst as a blue state-looking photojournalist who is chronicling the drama as President Ron Swanson sends fighter jets to attack what used to be his citizens. https://twitter.

civil war

Friday

Neal Pollack

Snoop Dogg really quitting weed would be a huge public service

From our US edition

My phone screamed on the bedside table at 4:30 a.m. I’d been playing poker at a home game in Culver City until late in the night, so I didn’t answer, and I also didn’t answer the other six times it rang in the next two hours. When I finally woke up, I had a text from the “BBC OS” asking if I could talk. “What is the BBC OS?” I wondered. Then I realized it was the actual BBC’s Overnight Service. Still, why were they calling me at dawn? And then when I went online, I realized they wanted to know my thoughts about the fact that Snoop Dogg had announced, on his Instagram, that he, “after much consideration and conversation with my family ... decided to give up smoke.” He accompanied this announcement with a photo of himself, hands in prayer, looking quite plaintive.

Wednesday

Neal Pollack

Doombragging: the rise of sustainable boasting

From our US edition

A post came across my social media feed last week that looked like half the posts in my social media feed: a smiling Caucasian couple at an outdoor restaurant table with palm trees in the background. But the caption was more unusual: “The world is suffering beyond measure — but we have to find moments to be grateful for good health, good food and nice weather. Hoping for good news every day. (Heart emoji).” On the one hand, this is very true: we do have to find moments to be grateful for good health, good food and nice weather. But why the first part? Is the world really suffering beyond measure? And if it is, why do you need to mention that in a post that features you and your spouse going out for what looks like a pleasant meal?

doombragging

Sunday

Neal Pollack

The quest for child-free dining

From our US edition

The people who follow my social media know that I’m not kidding when I say that restaurants should ban children. You can’t avoid kids in certain fast-food or large outdoor-patio situations, but on the whole, children in restaurants are a horrible war crime. So when Nettie’s House of Spaghetti, a red-sauce joint in Tinton Falls, New Jersey, announced in February that it would be banning kids, my inbox flooded with the story. “We love kids,” the restaurant wrote. “We really, truly, do. But lately, it’s been extremely challenging to accommodate children at Nettie’s. Between noise levels, lack of space for high chairs, cleaning up crazy messes and the liability of kids running around the restaurant, we have decided that it’s time to take control of the situation.

restaurants

Sunday

Neal Pollack

The unstoppable march of the gambling giants

From our US edition

There’s an old adage in the gambling business: “You never hear anyone say ‘I used to be a bookie but then I went broke.’” So if you’re betting on the DraftKings sportsbook app going under soon, even though the company lost $242 million in the fourth fiscal quarter of last year, you’re as big a sucker as the people who think they’re going to get rich by hitting a ten-team parlay. The company brought in $855 million in revenue in the same time period, up 81 percent from the previous quarter, and increased its user base to 2.6 million, up 31 percent. It only lost money because it spent a fortune on advertising and promotions, which, given the other numbers, have clearly been successful.

gambling

Monday

Neal Pollack

Barn Hunt: a strange, but not obscure event for dogs

From our US edition

Lately, Lord Queso von Taco has been really into Barn Hunt. Lord Queso von Taco is a Boston Terrier who lives in the suburbs of Houston, Texas, with two other Boston Terriers and their owner, a graphic designer named Ashley Peterson. I know about Queso’s existence because I own his mother, Briar, a retired and celebrated show dog in her own right. So we follow Queso’s athletic exploits quite closely. He’s been a champion “dock diver” for a few years now, which brought him to a talent scout’s attention, which led to several TV commercials, including, most prominently, a recent Christmas advert for Takis. Nothing will keep LQ off the docks. But he loves Barn Hunt, too.

barn hunt

Tuesday

Neal Pollack

The Lone Star State’s new poker boom

From our US edition

Late on a Sunday night in May of 2022, I found myself playing heads-up poker with a hoodie-wearing small-town Texas high-school basketball coach for $70,000, plus a trophy. Well, technically, we were playing for $10,000, since the final five players in the tournament had agreed to a chopped pot an hour earlier, guaranteeing us each $45,000. Regardless, it was a lot of money, and somehow, I was in the mix. This was the “Monthly Monster” at the Lodge, a club in Round Rock, just northwest of Austin. The spot is the epicenter of the Texas poker boom and I’d staggered into this situation more or less by accident. The $600 buy-in was a lot more than I usually spent; I’d never paid more than $200 for a tournament before.

poker

Friday

Neal Pollack

Jim Breuer mocks the Covid regime

From our US edition

“Somebody had to say it,” and apparently that somebody is comedian Jim Breuer. In a set that broke Twitter over the July 4 weekend, Breuer came right out and delivered the news: vaccinations didn’t stop Covid. Mandates are stupid. Social distancing is meaningless. The entire Covid regime under which we’ve lived, to various degrees, for the last two-plus years is a worthless and sinister form of social control. Breuer’s twelve-minute routine on The Pandemic isn’t very good. His physical comedy doesn’t hit; the depictions of the vaccine are sloppy-looking, and he accompanies them with a dumb raspberry noise. His “Broadway musical” bit could be funny except that nothing he does resembles a current Broadway musical in the slightest.

Friday

Neal Pollack

I’m a liberal who thinks the return of mask mandates is dumb

From our US edition

A few days ago, I woke to find myself awash in new recommendations from the CDC. Apparently, because of the dreaded Delta variant, everyone once again has to wear masks in 'high-transmission areas’, even if they’re vaccinated. I looked at the map: 'high-transmission areas’ currently seems to mean almost everywhere but Chicago and Philadelphia, two cities where I once lived but don’t live now. ​This seemed fishy to me. I’m vaccinated. I love being vaccinated In fact, I gorged on cheeseburgers for a week in March to nudge my BMI over 25, so I could get vaccinated early. Meanwhile, the same people who are now expressing ‘rage at the unvaccinated’ were busy lecturing us about ‘vaccine equity’, which didn’t actually turn out to be a problem in the United States.

mask mandates