Michael Heath

I now live in the hippest part of London, Shoreditch. It must be Tony Blair’s idea of heaven, a multicultural mix of hugely rich and up-and-coming young things of every nationality, huge high-rise blocks of £5 million duplexes, old Victorian buildings ripped apart to make way for young men with beards working on searing new technology, hordes of young beautiful women striding around looking very much in charge. But amazingly something has escaped developers. The pubs, of which there are many. There is a wonderful example on the corner of my alley, the Eagle, a finer example of a Victorian pub than you’ll ever see. It was once the locale of music hall artist Marie Lloyd, famous for singing ‘She sits among the cabbages and peas’.

What does it take to be a cartoonist? Do you even care? You should, because you are about to enter the Spectator's inaugural Cartoon Competition. Yes, you are. Don't throw your Spectator down in disgust. It is a noble profession. Plus, you will make millions from it. Do you even need to be able to draw? Well not as well as Tracey Emin, or Leonardo da Vinci, but you should be able to put pen to paper. Now to the hard part. What should your cartoon be about? Well, you’re never going to think of a good idea if you keep on looking at your phone. Put it down. Yes, I know you’re now panicking, because you haven’t got a screen in front of you. But take a deep breath. Relax. You are going to be inventive.