Melanie McDonagh

More proof that we’ve completely lost it when it comes to the cycle of the year. It’s not just that right in the middle of the twelve days of Christmas, Marks & Spencer started to sell Easter eggs; Waitrose has reported that hot cross buns are turning into a year-round staple. Not just for Good Friday, then. Leyla Page, Waitrose's seasonal bakery buyer, calls it a 'winter staple' – sales, apparently, are up 39 per cent on last year – and asks, 'Is it even winter if you haven’t reached for a hot cross bun?' Hot cross buns are cross because they’re for Good Friday, the day the Lord died on the cross Well, yes. Hot cross buns are cross because they’re for Good Friday, the day the Lord died on the cross.

Time was, we took lessons from brute creation. Medieval bestiaries, books of beasts, weren’t simply descriptions of animals; these compendiums of their home lives and habits, mostly derived from a text called the Physiologus of the second century, were for the edification of the reader. The upshot of the research is that we are roughly two third monogamous, which puts us way ahead of dolphins and chimps 'But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee, and the fowls of the air and they shall tell thee', said the book of Job. The lion, being brave and kingly, represented Christ. Some animals had bad characteristics to avoid, like the duplicity of the fox.

Punctuation is a gendered thing. I’ve been trying to stop myself overusing exclamation points and it’s been difficult. Exclamation points are girly because they’re a way of taking the sting out of what you say; they make any pronouncement seem more tentative, less serious. They’re the equivalent of a disarming smile, a marker that says: “No offense!” You add them to the end of a sentence to prevent anyone thinking you’re being bossy or critical. They’re an economical form of non-confrontation. Women use them far more than men. Almost 20 years ago, a study in the Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication found that women used nearly three-quarters of the exclamation marks in electronic messages, but it identified the tic as “markers of friendly interaction.

Time was, you didn’t look forward to going to the dentist. Even for routine stuff, your highest aspiration would be to get it over as quickly as possible with as little unpleasantness as possible. Most of the procedures seem pretty mechanical, including having the most sensitive bits of your teeth scraped with a metal thing. That was what I thought before I encountered Anti-Ageing Dentistry at the Nejati clinic in Belgravia, where the founder – it seems wrong to call Brandon Nejati a mere dentist – talks about ‘pampering’. This is where a really expensive luxury spa meets dentistry and it’s the most obvious example of how oral care is changing.

We have it on the best authority that the meek shall inherit the earth and in the meantime in the case of Sarah Mullally, Bishop of London, it’s the See of Canterbury. She is a modest, very nice woman. I like her. I’ve met her a few times and she was always pleasant, decent and unassuming. On one occasion, she told me about being patronised on account of her dyslexia, which makes it tricky for her to negotiate sermon texts. She gave the impression that she’s used to being rather looked down on, though the men who do so may now take a different approach. She’s not an intellectual and wouldn’t pretend to be. She is, as she said in her acceptance speech, a listener; the trouble may come if she goes into a different mode, acting on decisive issues.

The Pope has given his first interview, with the news agency, Crux, and the nice thing about it is there are no surprises. Pope revolted at obscene wealth and the growing gap between rich and poor? Jesus Christ wasn’t keen on the rich either.  Or, as Leo put it when he was asked about growing polarisation in society: ‘One [factor] which I think is very significant is the continuously wider gap between the income levels of the working class and the money that the wealthiest receive… Yesterday, the news that Elon Musk is going to be the first trillionaire in the world. What does that mean and what’s that about? If that is the only thing that has value anymore, then we’re in big trouble.

The education system may produce ignoramuses (my daughter finished school in June, never having been taught a thing about Napoleon, the French Revolution, Julius Caesar, the Industrial Revolution, or any basic geography), but there was solace out there for the unlearned and undereducated: they could always listen to In Our Time, Melvyn Bragg’s radio exploration of fabulously random assorted subjects with three (formerly two) specialists in the field. Bragg has announced today he is stepping down from the show, which he has hosted since it was created in 1998.

Punctuation is a gendered thing. I’ve been trying to stop myself overusing exclamation marks and it’s been difficult. Exclamation marks are girly because they’re a way of taking the sting out of what you say; they make any pronouncement seem more tentative, less serious. They’re the equivalent of a disarming smile, the marker that says: ‘No offence!’ You add them at the end of a sentence to prevent anyone thinking that you’re being bossy or critical. They’re an economical form of non-confrontation. Women use them far more than men. Almost 20 years ago, a study in Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication found that women used nearly three-quarters of the exclamation marks in electronic messages, but it identified the tic as ‘markers of friendly interaction’.

If we want to understand why thousands of women a year in England and Wales have an abortion – 251,377 in 2022, so probably way more now – we could do worse than consider the musings of the singer Lily Allen on the subject. In a podcast chat with her friend Miquita, this took a musical turn. She began singing to the tune of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’: ‘Abortions I've had a few... but then again... I can't remember exactly how many'. Giggling, she continued: ‘I can't remember. I think maybe like, I want to say four or five.’   https://youtu.be/8i7v7lpYFN8?