Joanna Williams

Parents standing at the school gate have all kinds of hopes and expectations. They want their children to be happy, well looked-after and to learn something. Thankfully, most teachers agree. But for some classroom activists, education is less about the three Rs and more about LGBTQ+. Rather than geography and history, they teach gender identity and sexuality. Instead of team sports, they might encourage ten-year-old girls who bind their chest to do something less energetic. And rather than Easter bonnet parades there are Pride marches. That’s right. Playground Pride Parades. For four year-olds. Back in 2018, the head teacher of Heavers Farm Primary School in south east London decided to line her tiny charges up for an LGBT pride march.

Some people deal with failure better than others. Matt Hancock, it seems, has spent the past three years trying to get over losing his bid to be leader of the Conservative party. But good news! Finally, Hancock has found solace. Upon being declared leader of the I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here jungle, he told his campmates his new position 'more than makes up for' his previous loss. Hancock has, yet again, attempted to explain why he is in the game show jungle. 'What I’m really looking for is a bit of forgiveness,' he declared.

The Duchess of Sussex has been busy. In the past fortnight Meghan has treated us to two new episodes of her podcast as well as a lengthy spill-all interview in the Cut magazine. And now here she is in Britain, making her first speech since leaving the Royal Family. Battles over security apparently resolved, Meghan addressed the One Young World Summit in Manchester. As far as public appearances go, they do not come much easier than this. One Young World combines the slickness of lavishly funded corporate events with feel good vibes about making the world a better place. Meghan’s association with the NGO stretches back almost a decade. Last night, she was clearly among friends or, perhaps more precisely, fans.

Three cheers for Suella Braverman. The Attorney General has made clear that it is not appropriate for schools to teach young children that gender is a choice. Speaking at the think tank Policy Exchange on Wednesday, Braverman stated that teachers should not be in the business of indoctrinating children with ‘one sided and controversial views on gender’. To do so, she warned, may leave them in breach of government guidance. What’s more, Braverman indicated, schools should not allow children to change gender – whether by using a different name or pronouns, wearing a different uniform, or using the toilets meant for the opposite sex – without their parents’ consent. Thank goodness this has finally been said.

The LGBT advocacy group Stonewall has come in for criticism over recent months with many big name organisations – including the BBC and the cabinet office – withdrawing from its diversity champions programme. Yet rather than toning down its controversial claims and divisive rhetoric, the charity insists on doubling down. It now seems to have children firmly in its sights. ‘Research suggests that children as young as 2 recognise their trans identity,’ Stonewall recently declared. ‘Yet, many nurseries and schools teach a binary understanding of pre-assigned gender. LGBTQ-inclusive and affirming education is crucial for the wellbeing of all young people!’.

Who exactly is the Prime Minister’s wife? To some, she’s Carrie Antoinette, the extravagant demander of gold wallpaper who spent lockdown ambushing her unsuspecting husband with parties and cake. To others, she’s a young wife and new mum under attack by sexist patriarchs intent on ousting Boris from No. 10. Our national obsession with Carrie Johnson knows no bounds. The latest round of intrigue comes courtesy of Lord Ashcroft and his new book, First Lady. The title alone wryly signals Carrie has overstepped the mark into a starring role that is fundamentally un-British. Its shocking contents detail alleged incidents of behind-the-scenes interference, from ‘impersonating’ Boris in text messages to whispered briefings during phone calls.

Soap operas are cultural punctuation points. Big plot lines unite colleagues, neighbours and distant family members in shared conversation starters. Den and Angie’s Christmas divorce? Brookside’s before-the-watershed lesbian kiss? Tony Blair’s support for the wrongly-imprisoned Deirdre Barlow? I was there for it, along with millions of others. I even got caught up in Rob’s coercive control of Helen over in Ambridge. But not any more. When drama gave way to a continual stream of awareness-raising, I got bored. And if ratings are to be believed, I’m not alone. Now soap’s directors and script editors are fighting back: unfortunately with a plan to ratchet up the political messaging still further.

Of course the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are named in Time magazine’s 100 most influential people of 2021. And of course their listing, which makes the publication’s front cover, is accompanied by a lavish citation and photos of the pair put together by Hollywood A-list stylists. Did we really expect anything less? Time truly has it all. First there are the photos. The couple are groomed beyond the imagining of mere mortals, their clothes carefully co-ordinated. They are artistically positioned in order to comprise both a beautiful image and a political statement. Yes, indeed! These are no ordinary celebrity snaps. They are Harry and Meghan’s meaningful portraits. The cover shot symbolises equality.

MPs are making their way back to Parliament with an order from Speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle ringing in their ears. In the post-Zoom world, they must smarten up their appearance. ‘Members are expected to wear business attire in and around the Chamber,’ Hoyle reminded them.  ‘Jeans, chinos, sportswear or any other casual trousers are not appropriate. T-shirts and sleeveless tops are not business attire,’ continued his memo. ‘Men are encouraged to wear a tie, and jackets must be worn.’ Good for you, Mr Speaker! Perhaps you could send a similar directive to the rest of the country too. After 18 months of working from home, it’s not just MPs who have forgotten how to dress.

The year is 2070 and English Heritage are unveiling their latest Blue Plaque: 'The Duchess of Sussex, children’s author, lived here 2017 – 2018'. The accompanying online guide praises Meghan for her work promoting inclusion and diversity. I have no idea whether Meghan will one day be rewarded with an iconic plaque for her services to literature. But she’s certainly heading in the right direction.

Has Prince Harry ever had a thought and not made it public? Are there feelings or emotions he has experienced but kept to himself? The latest episode of The Me You Can’t See, the Duke’s documentary series exploring mental health and emotional well-being, aired this week. Loyal viewers were rewarded with a bonus ‘town hall conversation’ show in which Harry and his co-host and producer, Oprah Winfrey, were reunited with advisors and participants from the series.  The premise of the programmes, drummed home once again in the town hall special, is that having ‘a me we can’t see’ is bad for our mental health. Full emotional disclosure is open, honest, liberating, brave and true.

GCSE and A level assessments. Enforcing social distancing. Catch-up provision for pupils who fell behind during lockdown. Mental health support. Behavioural issues. Headteachers have more than enough to worry about right now. The conflict between Israel and Palestine? This one, at least, can be filed under ‘beyond my pay grade’. Or perhaps not. Should pupils be able to wear lanyards that show the Palestinian flag? Or display pro-Palestinian posters? Some see engaged teenagers exercising their right to free expression; others a stoking of racial tensions. Getting the balance right, particularly in a large, ethnically diverse school, is not straightforward. Mike Roper, headteacher at Allerton Grange school in Leeds, faced this problem head on.