Gareth Roberts

Gareth Roberts

Gareth Roberts is a TV scriptwriter and novelist who has worked on Doctor Who and Coronation Street. He is the author of The Age of Stupid substack.

How Star Trek invented DEI

Values. Whenever some poor soul gets cancelled, sacked, scalped etc., there’s almost always a bland, impersonal statement from the institution carrying out the scalping. In third-person corporatese, from the moral high ground, such pronouncements will conclude with the sentence: ‘The comments of Person X do not align with the values of Institution Y.’ Where do these mysterious values originate? From which particular pile of decomposing matter were the spores of these holy secular values spontaneously generated? Frankly, for a lot of this, I blame Star Trek. It seemed so innocent back in the day, this story of the crew of a massive space warship in the 23rd century.

Andrew Gwynne and the truth about WhatsApp

Labour MP Andrew Gwynne has been sacked from the government, and suspended from the party, for sending ‘vile’ WhatsApp messages. Gwynne, who reportedly wrote that he hoped an elderly constituent who had complained about bin collections would die, is also said to have made antisemitic remarks and jokes about Diane Abbott. He stands exposed of being a callous bigot. Case closed. Gwynne's career is over. If making horrible jokes in private is a sin, we're all damned Except, of course, Gwynne – and his Labour colleague Oliver Ryan MP, who was also a member of the WhatsApp group and has been suspended – are not bigots. Yes, their remarks were tasteless and offensive – and they shouldn't have made them.

The voice coach row reveals how Keir Starmer will come unstuck

The news that the Prime Minister Keir Starmer, the adenoidal android, has employed a voice coach is simply astonishing. ‘I’ll take no lectures from the party opposite,’ is one of Starmer’s most well-worn sentences. At least now we know who he will take lectures from: actress Leonie Mellinger, star of The Winters Tale and the BBC's Bergerac, who has been helping Starmer find his voice. ‘The transformation,” she says, “has been enormous.’ Really? Even after receiving years of tuition from the classically-trained actress, Starmer's droning voice still send me to sleep.

The triumph of Otto Schenk

A long life well spent doing what we love is more than most of us can hope to get anywhere near. Otto Schenk, who died a few weeks ago aged 94, took that trophy; his career as a director (and sometimes performer) of opera stretched over considerably more than half a century. Many of his productions – ‘traditional’, or ‘hackneyed’, according to taste – continued in repertoire for decades. Schenk's face was set very much against the cultural wind of his times. We have much to learn from his life. His 1972 TV movie version of Die Fledermaus – based on his very long running production at the state opera house in his native Vienna – is a masterpiece. I say movie, but it was recorded on videotape rather than film.

The strangeness and sanity of Donald Trump

The Village People joined Donald Trump on stage at the conclusion of his pre-inauguration rally last night. ‘You won’t recognise them, they’re a little bigger, but that’s life,’ The Donald informed us beforehand, in one of the many interesting digressions in his long, long address. This was less of a speech and more of a mellifluous ramble of his achievements, with other odd interludes about handshakes and culture – ‘Silence Of The Lambs, anyone see that movie? Lovely movie’.  As Trump did his funny little one-potato, two-potato dance along with the fuller-figured but actually still very recognisable Village People, I had to keep reminding myself that this was by far the saner option at the American ballot box last November.

Why we’re horrified by Bonnie Blue and Andrew Tate

OnlyFans content creator Bonnie Blue claims to have broken a world record by sleeping with over a thousand men in twelve hours. I say ‘slept with’ but obviously the euphemism doesn’t really apply to this dubious feat. Blue, who was born in Nottingham but now lives in the United States, added to the glamour of the occasion by uploading a video of the aftermath, where she walks the streets with her face covered in what appears to be a pot pourri of male ejaculate. The reason Blue and Tate horrify us is that we mostly subscribe to a simple view: that men should treat women with respect If the 25-year-old adult star's stunt was designed to get attention, she has certainly succeeded in doing just that.

The ‘grooming gangs’ delusion is finally being shattered

The re-eruption of the rape gangs scandal has shone a dazzlingly bright light on the language that makes us flinch and fluster, and clutch at euphemistic straws. For years, the mass sexual abuse of thousands of vulnerable girls in towns across England has been blamed on 'grooming gangs'. But this euphemism hardly does justice to this appalling scandal. ‘Asian grooming gangs’ is a mealy-mouthed phrase In the last fortnight, there has been a shift to a different, more accurate term – ‘rape gangs’ – that better describes who was responsible. This change in terminology is long overdue. And while it offers few crumbs of comfort to the victims, it is good that people are – finally – beginning to face up to the facts of a story that shames modern Britain.

The grooming gang scandal needs to change our entire worldview

The recent re-eruption of the grooming/child rape gang scandal has been disorienting, seeming to blow up from nowhere. It has re-emerged – as far as I can ascertain, it moved so fast – through posts on X that quoted horrific extracts from trial proceedings. Within hours the full horror of what happened (and may well still be happening) in towns and cities around Britain blasted into public consciousness and global headlines. This is obviously one of the very worst things, maybe the very worst thing, to have occurred in Britain since the war It’s been a strange few days – not least because none of this information is new. What feels different this time is that its importance has broken out and been acknowledged, by the public if not yet entirely by some politicians.

The joy of Kemi and Farage’s Christmas feud

A feud can be very tedious and tiring if you’re one of the combatants. But let’s be honest: for onlookers, feuds are fun. Videos of spats in which one or other party is ‘schooled, owned, destroyed’ ratchet up millions of views. It’s even more fun when both sides don’t lose their temper and civility is maintained. There is glorious entertainment in watching people ‘throwing shade’ at one another without it ever quite coming to the boil.  The smaller the differences, the funnier the feud Now we have a new one to enjoy, in the classic mould. Ding ding, in the blue corner is Kemi Badenoch. While in the slightly different shade of blue corner it’s Nigel Farage.

Pulp have always been in the wrong place at the wrong time

Pulp, the legendary band fronted by Jarvis Cocker, have revealed that they’ve signed a new recording deal with equally legendary independent label Rough Trade. Although they formed in Sheffield in 1978, when Cocker was 15, Pulp’s biggest success – and it was very big – came in the second half of the 1990s, with smash hit singles such as ‘Common People’ and ‘Disco 2000’, and albums including ‘His ‘N’ Hers’ and ‘Different Class’. They broke up in 2002 but have reformed, on and off, for celebratory live appearances since 2011. But the Rough Trade deal is the first sign of new songs for 22 years. Pulp are back. This is very good news. Who cares?

Let’s hope Donald Trump doesn’t mess it up

There’s been a ‘vibe shift’. After the resounding victory at the recent US election, at long last things are changing, and heading towards some form of hope and sanity. This Christmas, there’s hope for the future on the right.  Is this December 2024 or December 2019? Because the current anticipation for the second Donald Trump term in America is very much reminding me of the similar aura of relief and positivity that followed Boris Johnson’s election win five years ago. And we all know how that turned out.  I can’t help feeling jealous of the Americans, because what are we stuck with? One of the few advantages of getting old is that the years zip by so quickly, like the names of stations viewed from a non-stopping train. Bad times don’t last.

What’s the truth about the New Jersey drone sightings?

What is going on with the drones buzzing over New Jersey in the United States? Reportedly ‘the size of cars’, sometimes flying low in formation, these mysterious semi-identified flying objects have been sighted in their thousands every night – and only at night – for weeks. They might not even be drones. Are they alien spaceships? Are they from Russia or China? Are they just planes? Are they even anything at all? I’ve watched a number of videos purporting to show these invaders. ‘What is that thing? It’s freaking huge!’ one awestruck observer can be heard over footage of what looks like a commercial passenger jet.

The Trafalgar Square Christmas tree is a truly sorry sight

It’s bad manners to complain about a gift of any kind, and very bad manners to complain about a Christmas present that comes with epic historical significance. But the Trafalgar Square tree, supplied from the good people of Norway every year since 1947 as a thank you to Britain for looking out for them in the second world war, is a particularly sorry sight this year.  The Norwegian spruce has, it’s true, always been a slightly underwhelming specimen. I remember it looking a little sad in the 80s. But this year it’s looking unusually flat, rather like an underfed cactus, and a lot of people have noticed.

How twee triumphed, Graham Brady on Tory turmoil & celebrating pigs in blankets

37 min listen

This week: are we drowning in a sea of twee? Gareth Roberts writes the cover article this week, arguing against what he sees as the hideous triviality of our times. ‘The British have lost their aversion to glutinous sentimentality,’ he declares. How did we get here, and who are the worst offenders? Gareth argues that the triumph of twee has left us unable to face serious things with seriousness. Could there be sinister consequences if we don’t take this more seriously? Gareth joined the podcast to make his case, alongside Josh Cohen, psychoanalyst and author of All The Rage (00:49). Then: was Graham Brady the ‘kingmaker’ or the ‘kingslayer’ of the past Tory era? The shadow cabinet member and Conservative M.P.

World war twee: the hideous triviality of our times

I remember the moment I first understood that we, the British, had a national character. It was in the mid-1970s and my family and I were watching a clip from an American TV show which was being shown to us by ITV for a giggle. It was a celebration of the love between mothers and daughters. A hyper-glamorous mother walked down a marble stairway on the left, her young daughter descended an identical stair to the right, and they met at a gently tinkling plastic fountain. Over the soothing sound of the water they took it in turns to stare gooily into each other’s eyes and emote. The daughter lisped something along the lines of ‘You are my guiding light, Mommy’; the mother said something like: ‘You are the light of my life and I bless each day.

I’m A Celebrity has been enjoyably dull

The current series of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! has been a big contrast to the previous two. The 2022 and 2023 camps contained politicians, and they were two particularly hot – in the potato sense – politicians. Matt Hancock and Nigel Farage carried baggage with them into the camp. In Hancock’s case, radioactive baggage. None of that this year. Ant and Dec opined last year that they were a little sick of politicians on the show, and ratings took a small tumble. There was a feeling that Celeb was a place viewers went to escape from the sturm und drang of current affairs, and that it needed to return to drama between the standard variety of reality TV bigheads – pop stars, presenters and models.

The truth about Labour’s ‘class war’

Keir Starmer’s critics might have you believe that the Labour government is fighting a class war. They point to Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson’s crackdown on private schools and Chancellor Rachel Reeves’s attack on farmers. These initiatives certainly don’t appear to be just about money: whacking VAT on school fees and hitting dead farmers with inheritance tax won’t raise much cash in the scheme of things. But they will inflict totally unnecessary amounts of pain. Their targets are, supposedly, people with cash to splash, on behalf of the needy.  Labour’s disastrous first few months in office don’t resemble a class war at all But hang on: look at this government closely and it’s obvious that ministers aren’t horny-handed sons of toil.

Let’s banish Band Aid

There’s no need to be afraid, but 40 years since the advent of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ by Band Aid there is a dispute raging about the commemorations. There is to be an ‘ultimate’ version of this haunting ditty – haunting in the Borley Rectory sense – in which vocals from across each of the four versions of the star-spangled roundelay are combined, including those of the sadly deceased. For me, the release of Band Aid was the day the music died Perhaps inevitably, given the fraught cultural world we now live in, even at the frothiest end, ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ has sparked rancour this time around. Given that it hits several boiling hot spots – international politics, racial and cultural difference – how could it not?

I must stop hating politicians

Hate crimes, hate speech, hate groups… It is quite possible that we have less of these things today than ever before – they originated before our age, as anybody who’s read Chaucer’s Prioress’s Tale can vouch – but we have never obsessed about them quite so much. What is hate in its 21st century, British sense? And why are some varieties of hate seemingly justified and good, and some appalling? In the public sphere, hate often seems ludicrously hyperbolic. A certain kind of person on the internet spent much of the last 14 years ranting about, and at, the Tories; appending the hashtag #GTTO (Get The Tories Out) to every passing thought and blaming the Conservatives for anything and everything they didn’t like.

Farewell Gary Lineker, you won’t be missed

Gary Lineker is to leave Match of the Day at the end of the current football season, and to exit the BBC entirely after the 2026 World Cup. It was 1999 when he took over Match from Des Lynam, though in a strange discord with the usual swift passage of time, it feels much longer.  Because despite his close association with it as a player and a pundit Lineker is really nothing much to do with football. His punditry, as we all know, is far wider in its scope than such enjoyable trifles.