Cockburn

How does Ilhan Omar make her money? How does the Trump family make its money? Is money real? What is reality? These are the questions Cockburn is asking himself after this weekend’s financial news. First, let’s fly over Minnesota. Founding “Squad” member Omar, the Washington Free Beacon reported yesterday, is currently worth more than $30 million, despite telling the press earlier this year that it’s “categorically false” that she’s a millionaire. If by false, you mean “true,” then yes. The Free Beacon obtained Omar’s latest financial disclosure, which indicated that she and her husband, shifty “former political consultant” Tim Mynett, are worth somewhere between $6 million and $30 million – a wide range.

The transfer from wonk-world to the White House is usually cause for celebration – a bragging opportunity for the think tank that just got their guy or gal into the administration. Yet the nomination of E.J. Antoni, chief economist at the Heritage Foundation, to run the Bureau of Labor Statistics has been met with a rather quiet response from lots of his colleagues on Massachusetts Avenue. Cockburn noticed the crickets. Why isn’t Heritage pushing the appointment more, and leaving Team Trump to do most of the work (there is, indeed, some convincing to do)? Cockburn understands one event last year has made some staff hesitant to publicly endorse Antoni: a presentation delivered by Antoni to Heritage interns last summer was sidetracked when he was asked a question about IQ.

It’s a love story, baby just say ‘yes’ Despite her shilling for Kamala Harris last November, Taylor Swift has evidently not had a Cruel Summer. Everything Has Changed for the singer, despite President Trump’s declaration that she is “no longer hot.” If things go as planned, the Gorgeous Swift will live evermore with Travis Kelce, her boyfriend of two years to whom she is now engaged. Cockburn is waiting with bated breath for the President to claim credit: she was never going to get married under Biden or Obama, clearly. This afternoon, Trump said, “I wish them a lot of luck… I think he’s a great player, a great guy. I think she’s a terrific person. So, I wish them a lot of luck.

“NO ONE is above the law… @FBI agents on mission,” FBI director Kash Patel posted on X at 7 a.m. ET. He provided a solution to that cryptogram soon after, as agents raided the Bethesda home of permanently grouchy former Trump national security advisor John Bolton. Over his pre-raid morning coffee, Bolton was criticizing Trump’s Russia-Ukraine negotiations, calling them basically useless: “Trump wants a Nobel Peace Prize, but I don't see these talks making any progress,” he wrote. Soon after, the cars pulled up. Whoops! A source told Daily Caller editor Vince Coglianese, “This is related to a national security investigation of Mr. Bolton that was shut down by the Biden administration for political reasons.

After a six-month absence from Cockburn’s sights – far too long, really – Ashley St. Clair, baby mama to Elon Musk’s 13th child (that we know of), resurfaced Monday. St. Clair has launched a 30-minute video podcast sponsored by Polymarket, the cryptocurrency prediction company. Sitting in what appears to be a luxury bedroom somewhere in Manhattan, wearing a black tank top and looking no worse for the motherhood wear, the Florida-born St. Clair didn’t waste any time, exhibiting some lightly ironic vocal fry, with this opening paragraph: After a year of unplanned career suicide, many questionable life choices and a gap in my LinkedIn profile that cannot legally be explained, I have decided to start a podcast.

No story has captured Cockburn’s imagination this week quite like the U Street Sandwich Thrower. Sean Charles Dunn, a 37-year-old lawyer at the Department of Justice’s Criminal Division, was so incensed at the increased law enforcement presence in DC that he threw a Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection agent – and was sub-sequently arrested. “He thought it was funny,” said a disgusted Judge Jeanine Pirro, the US Attorney for DC. Is Dunn a deep-state plant? Was his effort part of a viral marketing campaign for the new Chappell Roan song? Details remain murky – but Cockburn’s confidante Jacqueline Sweet does have a nugget or two.

What is Washington to make of the President’s efforts to “make DC safe again?” If you’re only capable of measuring Trump’s actions by how authoritarian they appear, then, sure, his declaration of a state of emergency, seizure of control of the Metropolitan Police Department and mobilization of the National Guard must seem scary. Cockburn empathizes with the small number of DC residents – and larger cohort in other cities and around the world – who see Trump’s use of the powers granted him by the Home Rule Act as concerning. On his Monday evening constitutional around Northwest DC, Cockburn saw a number of arrests taking place, more MPD cars on the street than usual and heard a chorus of sirens cascading into the night.

Bride and prejudice As a great philosopher once said, it’s so confusing sometimes to be a girl. American womanhood is at an inflection point this summer, according to Cockburn’s nieces. Can a white girl wear denim and avoid being called a Nazi? Is being hot and an adequate dancer and in a Southern sorority allowed again? (When was it banned?!) Perhaps most crucially: what passes for decorum these days? That’s what Cockburn finds himself wondering after witnessing a rather unbecoming display of the American right’s finest female minds duking it out on X this week.

There’s no small irony in the fact that Texas Democratic state legislators, fleeing a congressional redistricting attempt by Texas’s Republican majority, have sought shelter in Illinois. They’re acting like political refugees in what is, in fact, the most gerrymandered state in the country. Look at Illinois District 13, which snakes up from the Missouri border nearly to the gates of Indiana, bisecting the state (and District 15) like Illinois’s small intestine. Chicago is a very populous city, but the state has carved up its Congressional districts like a turducken, giving us as many (D-Chicagos) as humanly possible. The Illinois Democratic machine has had an outsized influence on American politics, much less Illinois politics, for decades.

Kamala Harris reappeared last night, making a 30-minute guest appearance on the now-canceled Late Show with Stephen Colbert, to deliver this message of hope to the American people: The country is irretrievably broken and there’s nothing anyone can do to fix it. Hilarious! Momala said that everything terrible that was going to happen if she lost to Donald Trump has now happened (relatively strong economy, world peace) but the worst thing is that her fellow Democrats have “capitulated” to Trump’s fascist program of trade protectionism and renaming everything after himself. Harris, who recently announced that she’s not running for California governor, said she probably won’t run for President in 2028 either.

Street sweepers The Trump Administration’s plans to completely reshape the nation’s homeless policy got lost in last week’s tidal wave of news. They intend to address the “root causes” of homelessness by enforcing prohibitions on illegal drug use, urban camping and squatting. “Shifting homeless individuals into long-term institutional settings for humane treatment through the appropriate use of civil commitment will restore public order,” the White House announced. This is  a curious order. It’s a reverse of a Reagan-era policy of emptying out the asylums and also a harsh rebuke of the policies of progressive cities, who offer safe consumption sites and Narcan vending machines.