Cockburn

Cockburn

Mischief, mayhem and Washington gossip. Send tips and party invites to cockburn@thespectator.com.

Joe Biden’s shaky songsheet

In his victory speech on Saturday night, Joe Biden quoted the 1970s Roman Catholic hymn, ‘On Eagle’s Wings’. The President-elect said that its message helped him cope with his various personal tragedies, which are undoubtedly very real and sad. Still, Cockburn wonders whether Biden is correct in his assessment that this particular hymn ‘captures the faith that sustains’ America. If Biden is right about that, then Cockburn wonders whether the ‘battle for the soul’ of the nation was even worth having.Of course, Cockburn doesn’t pretend to be a Catholic, let alone a good one, but having borrowed a friend’s Bible, he suspects that the hymn in question — a bastardization of Psalm 91 — rather misses the point.

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How will the Trump presidency end?

Donald Trump will not go quietly into the good night. In fact, he seems determined to leave the office with as little dignity as possible. This is adding a great deal of uncertainty to the transfer of power. It’s entirely plausible that America will wake up on Inauguration Day with Trump still contesting his ouster. What happens then? At that point, anything is possible! Cockburn has concocted a list of potential January 20 endgame scenarios, ranked from least to most likely:1. The normal endingPresident Trump mounts some flimsy legal challenges, makes a bunch of angry tweets, but ultimately backs down and leaves office normally. He soon goes back to claiming the election was stolen, but is quickly banned from Twitter.

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The Lincoln Project Channel is God’s punishment for our sinful ways

There are many things to look forward to as 2020 draws to a close. Cockburn has had quite enough of lockdowns and pandemic politics. In fact, he would be quite open to everybody simply agreeing that 2020 never happened, rolling the clock back one year on New Year’s Day, and having a do-over.More than just about anything, Cockburn has been looking forward to seeing the last of the Lincoln Project, Rick Wilson’s scatology fan club posing as a grassroots anti-Trump organization.But God is distant and His judgment is cruel: the Lincoln Project plans to be with us forever.On Tuesday, Axios revealed that Wilson’s NeverTrump enterprise will not be closing up shop on November 4, even if Donald Trump is defeated. Instead, it aims to become a media empire.'The group...

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The meaning of Mehdi Hasan

It certainly raised eyebrows chez Cockburn, that’s for sure. A few weeks ago Peacock announced an original news program: The Mehdi Hasan Show. Peacock is NBC’s new streaming service. And who is Mehdi Hasan? Well that’s where things get really interesting. Like Cockburn, you may have noticed Mr Hasan’s cloudless upwards trajectory through the media firmament in recent years. He moved to DC in 2015, fronting news shows for Al Jazeera English, and from 2018 until earlier this year, a podcast for the Intercept. The precise moment Mehdi’s move to the big-ish leagues became inevitable almost two years ago. Watch: https://twitter.com/mehdirhasan/status/1062706401804455937 Whoa! Who is that guy?

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Chris Pratt is a role model for other celebrities

Two weeks from The Most Important Election Of Our Lifetimes and nearly four years into the Trump Era, you could be forgiven for thinking there was enough genuine outrage in the world. Why on earth would anyone need to confect a controversy? If the current Twitter imbroglio surrounding Hollywood star Chris Pratt is anything to go by, you should think again. It all kicked off on Saturday, when the TV writer Amy Berg floated a question into the Twittersphere. 'One has to go,' she wrote, accompanied by pictures of 'the four Chrises’: Hemsworth, Pratt, Pine and Evans. https://twitter.com/bergopolis/status/1317583965520240640 An innocuous topic of debate, you might assume. You would be wrong.

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Jeffrey Toobin’s Zoom horror show

It's been a bad couple of years for Jeffreys... Veteran New Yorker reporter Jeffrey Toobin has been suspended from the magazine after he 'exposed himself during a Zoom call last week', according to VICE. Toobin, who also serves as a CNN legal analyst, must have been reaching for the tissues as he described the incident as an 'embarrassingly stupid mistake' and offered an apology to his 'wife, family, friends and co-workers' in a statement. Cockburn is perhaps most surprised that Toobin is the first significant figure to be caught out during a video-conference, seven months into the COVID pandemic. What took us? Naturally, Twitter users have been having a field day with the story: https://twitter.com/rysimmons/status/1318266346610765829 https://twitter.

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The incredible vanishing World Health Organization

The lockdown is dead...long live the lockdown?In an interview last Thursday on Spectator TV, WHO special envoy David Nabarro warned seven months too late that the ubiquitous global response to the coronavirus pandemic might be a bit of an oopsie-daisy: https://twitter.com/spectator/status/1314573157827858434 ‘We in the World Health Organization do not advocate lockdowns as the primary means of control of this virus,' Nabarro said. ‘Lockdowns just have one consequence that you must never ever belittle, and that is making poor people an awful lot poorer... It seems that we may well have a doubling of world poverty by next year. We may well have at least a doubling of child malnutrition.’Now, there was nothing astonishing about Dr Nabarro’s claims.

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What’s happening to Jennifer Rubin?

Coronavirus claimed a prominent victim in Washington on Monday. No, it wasn’t the President, of course. Instead, the China flu appeared to consume the sanity of Washington Post op-ed writer Jennifer Rubin.Monday evening was a night of surreal political takes all over the place. Erin Burnett compared Trump’s return from Walter Reed with political rallies in North Korea. Joy Reid chose the more euphonic 'Mussolini moment’. Jeb Bush’s former communications director (does any title better convey a lack of expertise than that one?) called it 'the weirdest shit I have ever seen in my life.'Thousands of responses would have landed in Cockburn’s Cringe Hall of Fame just a few years ago, yet on Monday, all of them were mere candles compared to the blazing sun of Rubin.

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Creeping critical race theory in Manhattan’s private schools

Cockburn doesn’t have any school-aged children — that he’s aware of, anyway. But a number of his close associates do — and they’ve been complaining a lot recently about schooling. Here’s a brief note from a New York-based mother Cockburn often gets cocktails with, who has a grievance she’d like to air… The ‘closing of the American mind’ is a lament usually reserved for the indoctrination of college students, but it’s now starting far younger. By the time our American students arrive on campus, much of the damage has already been done. K-12 education has been infected with critical race theory, tenets of the 1619 Project, Black Lives Matter doctrine and other debunked, destructive ‘religious’ ideologies.

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Bovard: yes, big tech censorship affects election outcomes

Cockburn had just returned home from his Wednesday evening stroll when he found something curious in his inbox. There tucked away was Rachel Bovard's prepared testimony for Thursday's hearing on internet antitrust laws in front of the House Judiciary's Subcommittee on Antitrust, Commercial and Administrative Law. The Conservative Policy Institute senior director's testimony focuses on the gatekeeping power of Big Tech companies like Google, Facebook and Twitter who suppress political content in ways that is harmful to free speech and democracy. Cockburn felt a sense of duty to share his scoop with readers of The Spectator, who have surely felt the sting of social media censorship.

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Why is the media downplaying the Hunter Biden story?

Remember the Ukraine impeachment drama? No? Cockburn can hardly blame you. But believe it or not, less than nine months ago, the Ukraine ‘scandal’ was supposed to be the greatest in American history. Donald Trump was impeached. Mitt Romney gave some embarrassing speech.Not even a year later, it’s the story never happened. Neither impeachment nor Ukraine were mentioned a single time at the Democratic convention. The party isn’t just tired with the story. They seem earnest about keeping it dead.But now, thanks to the US Senate, they’ll need an assist from the press.A newly released report by the Senate Intelligence Committee resurrects the Ukraine story by reviving focus on Joe Biden’s ne’er-do-well son Hunter Biden.

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The Cockburn prize for most cringeworthy RBG tweet goes to…

In ancient Athens, the great lawmaker Solon passed a law banning ‘laceration of the flesh by mourners’, ‘the sacrifice of an ox at the grave’, and other ‘unmanly and effeminate extravagances of sorrow’.Cockburn has come to appreciate the wisdom of Solon. The death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Friday night caused an instant outpouring of...well, mourning isn’t exactly the right word. It was a hysterical outburst, an explosion of mass delirium: greater exhibitions of neurosis were taken as proof of greater commitment to the cause. So great was the wailing and gnashing of teeth, you would think that Ginsburg’s death has caused all Planned Parenthoods to close, and birth control pills to lose their contraceptive powers. https://twitter.

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Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph’s funeral for satire

‘A man is angry at a libel because it is false, but at a satire because it is true,’ wrote G.K. Chesterton. Democrats seem to understand that point, though sometimes they are a little overeager to show they can laugh at themselves. Take the virtual Democratic fundraiser on Monday night. Vice presidential nominee Kamala Harris was joined by 2016 Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, along with — get this — Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler, who play them on Saturday Night Live! Readers were presumably as stunned as Cockburn to learn that wealthy thespians enjoy sharing a stage with Democratic leaders.

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Sources: Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg weeps in his office ‘all the time’

This week, the Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg dropped what could be his biggest piece since he won a major award for drawing bogus links between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda. The piece claims that during a 2018 visit to France President Trump canceled a visit to an American war cemetery, dismissing the dead who lie there as 'suckers' and 'losers' unworthy of passing beneath his presidential shadow. Outsiders have expressed skepticism of the story for many reasons. For starters, in Goldberg’s account, Trump also questioned America’s pointless and enormously costly involvement in World War One. If Trump really said that, it would be an unprecedented display of historical knowledge and insight on the President’s part.

Emmanuel Macron is a Karen

Cockburn dislikes the latent misogyny behind the rise of this term ‘Karen’, which is used to describe any white woman who is caught being aggressive on social media. Then again, Karens don’t have to be female; plenty of men fit the term perfectly. One of them is the President of France.Yes, Emmanuel Macron lost his rag again on Wednesday, this time berating a French journalist who dared to try to cover the President’s complicated maneuvers in Lebanon.

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Welcome to the District of BLMbia

When South Vietnam was overrun, Saigon was renamed Ho Chi Minh City. When the Bolsheviks triumphed in Russia, St Petersburg, Tsaritsyn and Nizhny Novgorod became Leningrad, Stalingrad and Gorky. It’s a common in history: lose a war, lose a name. In the summer of 2020, half of America has lost a culture war. And the torrent of new names is coming.On Tuesday, a special Washington DC commission convened by Mayor Muriel Bowser released a toponymy report on the of the nation’s capital. The report’s findings are dire. It turns out that DC is absolutely full of locations honoring people that have been canceled.Most troublingly, there are gigantic national monuments right in the middle of the city.

What does ‘without evidence’ mean?

President Trump spoke mildly in defense of Kenosha shooter Kyle Rittenhouse on Tuesday, saying that the 17-year-old seemed to be defending himself when he shot three people, killing two of them. NPR, fresh off of interviewing In Defense of Looting author Vicky Osterweil, had something stern to say about that, tweeting 'President Trump declined to condemn the actions of the suspected 17-year-old shooter of three protesters against police brutality in Kenosha — claiming, without evidence, that it appeared the gunman was acting in self-defense.’ https://twitter.com/NPR/status/1300614359236964358 Without evidence!

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Herman Cain, eternal COVID skeptic

No one will deny that 2020 has been a rollercoaster, but one fun thing Cockburn discovered this year is that you can now live forever via your social media accounts. Facebook has long given family members the option to turn their deceased loved one’s page into a memorial, but something far more bizarre is happening on Twitter. Family members and staffers grab the keys to the account and fire off tweet after tweet under the late user’s name with little indication of who is the one resurrecting the dead. Charlie Daniels’s account, for example, lived on by posting quotes from the late country music singer and links to charity for veterans and police officers.

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Life, Liberty and the pursuit of horniness

Let nobody say the outgoing president of Liberty University is not an intellectual.Cockburn will not belabor you with the full tragedy of Jerry Falwell Jr. Who is he kidding, you already have read (though not seen, mercifully) all the details.Falwell’s rapid downfall is a testament to the dangers of hubris. At the tender age of 44, Falwell was handed the presidency of a university his father had already built. He was paid roughly $1 million a year for this privilege. To keep the job indefinitely, Falwell didn’t need to do much. Even taking photos of himself half-undressed with a woman half his age at a yacht party, and entering into a ménage à trois with a pool boy, would have been completely fine.

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Who really wants to delegitimize the election result?

On Thursday afternoon, prior to the final night of the Democratic convention, four New York Times opinion columnists gathered to discuss the political landscape. Of course, millions of people do that every single day. The special conceit of the Times opinion staff is that it believes its discussions are worth broadcasting to the world. The special curse for the rest of us is that many find them worth listening to. The theme of Thursday’s discussion was the awful, terrifying, unspeakable, unthinkable idea that a major presidential candidate might delegitimize an election outcome.

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