Cockburn

The State Department has a “secret playbook for using sports to advance Trump’s agenda,” according to Politico. Foggy Bottom has a tough assignment ahead. Witness the opening ceremonies of Sunday’s NBA game in London between the Memphis Grizzlies and Orlando Magic, the first NBA game in the UK in six years. As Vanessa Williams sang the National Anthem, someone shouted “Leave Greenland alone,” which the arena cheered. Cockburn doesn’t think Williams is much of a threat to Greenland. President Trump’s appearance last night at the College Football Championship – along with Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Ivanka and Jared, Kai Trump and Steve Witkoff – went without a hitch.

Journos on ice How hot is the White House briefing room? Pretty scorching if you’re Niall Stanage, the Hill reporter who was drawn into a back-and-forth with press secretary Karoline Leavitt over ICE’s conduct. Leavitt asked for Stanage’s opinion on why Renee Good was shot, he gave it… and she branded him a “biased reporter with a left-wing opinion.” “You shouldn’t even be sitting in that seat, you’re pretending like you’re a journalist but you’re a left-wing activist,” Leavitt continued, in a moment that was rapidly clipped for Team Trump’s social media and posted by a flurry of White House staff. The temperature is considerably lower for most other journalists, however.

Fishing for clout James Fishback, a Republican primary candidate for Florida governor, is promising to institute a 50 percent tax on all income derived from the adult-content site OnlyFans if he’s elected. How he thinks this will get him elected is a mystery to Cockburn, as OnlyFans has a lot of fans, and also Florida doesn’t have a state income tax. “Hey @SophieRaiin, Pay up *or* quit OnlyFans,” the candidate tweeted at one of the site’s top earners. “As Florida Governor, I will not allow a generation of smart and capable young women to sell their bodies online.” Fishback may be something of a poor moral messenger.

"Why is Epstein the top issue in American life right now?” galaxy-brained columnist David Brooks wrote in the New York Times last month, while also comparing Epstein Files obsessives to QAnon followers. Well, maybe because the Files seem to touch all corners of our cosseted elite, to whom Brooks (and Cockburn) belong. But at least Cockburn, unlike Brooks, isn’t in the Epstein Files: Brooks should have warned in his column that the Files contain several photos of him, yukking it up next to Google co-founder Sergey Brin at some sort of meal.

Wilin’ out President Trump has an “alcoholic’s personality,” White House budget director Russell Vought is a “right-wing zealot” and Elon Musk microdoses ketamine, according to White House chief of staff Susie Wiles. Musk is “an odd, odd duck,” Wiles told Vanity Fair during an series of 11 – count ’em, eleven – interviews, “as I think geniuses are. You know, it’s not helpful, but he is his own person.” Also, Attorney General Pam Bondi “completely whiffed” in her handling of the Epstein Files.

Cockburn is a cultured character with a longstanding fondness of the high arts. He was therefore amused to read an open letter, titled “The Kennedy Center Boycott and Its Impact on Artists” from the Orchestra Committee of the National Symphony Orchestra and the Washington National Opera Orchestra, in a recent issue of International Musician. The letter effectively amounts to classical musicians pleading with liberal patrons to attend Kennedy Center shows – despite President Trump’s overhauling of the institution. “While we respect every patron’s right to personal expression, withdrawing from beloved music as an act of protest is a shortsighted response that hurts the very artists who make that art possible,” the committee writes.

Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett of Texas announced her bid for the US Senate yesterday with a video in which she listens implacably while President Trump insults her. The President sarcastically brands Crockett the “new star of the Democratic party.” “Wait until she gives it back,” tweeted Representative Eric Swalwell (D-Moron). “Turning Texas blue is what I want to talk to y’all today. There are people who say ain’t no way. We tried it 50 kinds of ways,” Crockett said in yesterday’s campaign announcement speech. “Let me be clear: y’all never tried it the JC way... they have no idea what Crockett’s crew will do!” Later, on CNN, Crockett said that she doesn’t need to convert Trump’s supporters. “That’s not our goal,” she said.

Is Britain’s upstart Reform party really as committed to free speech as they would have us believe? Tucker Carlson was meant to converse with leader Nigel Farage on his trip to London last week. But, Cockburn hears, Farage pulled out after the stateside controversy about Carlson’s recent choice to chat with “groyper” leader and bête noire Nick Fuentes. Who knew the leading light of the British right would be so sensitive about “platforming?” Top Farage advisor James Orr, who also serves as an Anglo-whisperer for Vice President J.D. Vance, made excuses on Reform’s behalf. “It’s the donors and consultants, always,” Carlson told Cockburn about the choice to pull out. “If you want to save your country, you have to ignore them.

The lure of the junket can tempt even the hardiest of media souls. For Twitter influencers who’ve never heard of an ethical standard, much less adhered to one, they’re catnip. That’s why this week Cockburn has witnessed the embarrassing spectacle of several right-wing personalities shilling for the government of Qatar. Rob Smith, an Iraq War vet who bills himself as “influential, not an influencer,” described his Qatari vacation as “eye-opening.” He also sounded very Baghdad Bob by saying he’s “helping to keep America strong by understanding and highlighting the unique and mutually beneficial military and financial partnerships that we share with Qatar.” Smith says he asked “tough questions,” yet underwent a barrage of criticism.

Cockburn woke up bleary-eyed, splashed water on his face and took stock of his calendar this Black Friday. It is already filling up with events from embassies, magazines and cautious frenemies. He spent his Thanksgiving down South, practicing grounding techniques and avoiding stirring pots, except for the pot of cranberry sauce. It isn’t easy being Washington’s nosiest socialite – and even Cockburn needs to get away from the swamp once in a while. However, the time for wholesome family fun has ended. Your disoriented correspondent will be on a plane headed back to Reagan before all the decorations are up in the White House.