Anonymous

Confessions of a White House staffer: forgotten coffees and flustered phone calls

From our US edition

Things have been frantic over the last few days, as I've been forced to assist one of my bosses in working out the promotional schedule for their book release...without revealing who they are. It's tough enough to deal with TV bookers and managing editors when the author's identity is no secret — but the real exhaustion comes from the cloak-and-dagger routine of ensuring no one high up notices a 'senior administration official' moving meetings to call his (or her!) literary agents and fire off excerpts to his (or her!) buddies Rachel and Yashar. It’s a lot easier to book a senior admin official when you know they’re going to say something bad about POTUS.

coffee staffer

Confessions of a White House staffer

From our US edition

Oh no, the pipes in Stephen Miller's office are leaking again. We need to fix them and apparently it’s up to me stop the place flooding. I’m pretty sure this is not what I majored in polisci at UVA for, but whatever. Miller’s burst pipes end up dampening everyone who is trying to make immigration reform happen. Word is that Kirstjen Nielsen and Kevin McAleenan both suffered a dousing. Miller’s been told to keep his office in better order. He looks a bit upset. Could be worse, I wanted to tell him, at least his sprayed-on hair didn’t get wet. Another day passes without Hogan Gidley doing a press conference. The hacks are started to mock him openly. The deputy press secretary has been in his role since 2017, and still hasn’t made it to the podium.

white house staffer

2271: I’m not here or there

All but one of the unclued lights can be preceded by the same word, large or small. Solvers are requested to highlight the other thematic solution which does not follow this pattern. Brewer confirms the theme. Across 3    Acrylic pot he refashioned in copper and iron compound (12) 11    33 returning after the usual time (4) 12    Accountant’s car by hill (7) 16    Educated, but lacking a CD for reviewing piece of music (5) 18    Not much life in a cell?

Military action against Isis needs a coherent strategy. . . . here it is

Like most British soldiers of my generation, I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan. Few would now justify the reasons for invading Iraq; most of us who fought there at first recognised the amateurish nature of the strategy and its lack of realistic political objectives. But in 2007, under General Petraeus, the coalition adopted a new strategy that was underpinned by coherent policy. This stemmed from the recognition that unless common cause was found with moderate Sunnis, a workable Iraqi polity could never be established. The rapid improvements that flowed from this change were impressive but disgracefully shortlived.

Senior Tory MP: Boris should stop messing our party around

I have not asked anyone out on a date for over 35 years. In fact, the last time I did invite anyone out was, like most of my attempts, excruciatingly bad. It involved a bubbly and charismatic blonde who told me to get lost. Now, as a Conservative MP, I find myself being teased by another bubbly blonde: Boris Johnson. I can't understand why he is toying with me. Why won't he accept my party's offer of a safe seat? Like a desperate suitor, it has given him plenty of options, from a welcoming spot in Hampshire to a more familiar haunt in Kensington. I can't believe it's work that's holding him back. That's the sort of excuse that a chap gives when he's trying to let a girl down gently. But it doesn't quite ring true.

Dumped by Dave

Divorce is something I have yet to experience personally but Dave’s reshuffle has set me up nicely for any future threat to my own nuptial bliss. Out of the blue comes the call. It’s Dave’s office. ‘We need to talk — can you come over?’ And better I come round the back way to 10 Downing St, apparently, because there’s workmen all over the place at the front. And thus the bell tolls: on reshuffle day, winners are invited through the front door to smile for the cameras. The victims are roughed up around the back. Tentatively, I turn up at Dave’s office. His flunkies, who usually don’t give you the time of day on your rare visits to the No. 10 bunker, are eerily fawning.

Target men

I am a long-serving officer in the Metropolitan Police and my passion for the job is matched only by my frustration and anger at what I see going on around me. The Met is capable of, and frequently achieves, great things. But this happens in spite of the way it is run, not because of it. For years, I have watched as the service has been disfigured by the need to satisfy targets dictated from above, fundamentally changing the way police do their job. What follows is my attempt to bring to light what is happening inside the Met, and doubtless in constabularies throughout the land. The Metropolitan Police Service is now dominated by figures. Every facet of the organisation has targets and quotas on which everything else is measured, assessed and planned.