Success

‘You can really sing!’ – Sonny discovers the teenage Cher

This is a very odd book. Where you’d expect to find an author’s photo inside the dust-jacket it just says: ‘Cher is a global icon.’ As for the ending – there isn’t one. It feels as though the publishers snatched the manuscript out of Cher’s hands almost mid-sentence, saying: ‘Keep the rest for Part Two.’ Still, it’s a breathlessly exciting story. With 5,000 screaming fans at the airport, success had arrived. And Cher was still only 19 ‘I mean, jeez, my family,’ Cher exclaims at one point, ‘you couldn’t make it up.’ Her mother Jackie Jean, a dazzling beauty from a dirt-poor Arkansas background, had been taught not to sleep with anyone before marriage.

Succeeding at failing

From our US edition

My London agent calls to break the news gently. “Your book is dead. I can’t sell it. Sorry. But you do have the most fabulous collection of rejections from publishers I’ve ever read.” “Really? Can you get me a book deal for a book of my book rejections? Failure is a hot topic now.” “You’re funny...” “Thanks.” “...but not commercial. Still, there is some good news.” “Really?” “I’ve sold your ex-wife’s new book for a huge advance!” My ex-wife and I have the same agent so I’m well practiced in the art of the fake congratulation. It’s what we men do, our equivalent of the fake orgasm. “That’s such wonderful news!” Two weeks later, more failure.

failure