New york

The mask caste system

Visitors to New York tell me how surprised they are to see so few masked up people on the streets. But a sizable portion of the NYC population isn’t letting go of the disgusting, soggy, disease vectors strapped to their faces — and they never will. This set aren’t true-believers in the still-unproven effectiveness of masks; for them, it’s both an identity and psychological disorder. On the streets of any city, the forever-masked are broadcasting their allegiance to authoritarianism, letting you know they’re most comfortable somewhere on a hierarchy of coercion, whether among the hopelessly obedient, or tyrants themselves. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. You now have a visual cue letting you know exactly who you’re dealing with and who to avoid.

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Andrew Cuomo deserves more than a single criminal complaint

Ex-governor of New York Andrew Cuomo has been named on a criminal complaint for “forcible touching the sexual or intimate parts for the purpose of degrading or abusing another person.” How the mighty fall. This time last year Cuomo was riding high on popularity nationwide as the go-to pandemic politician. There were whispers of him replacing Joe Biden on the ticket for president. All the major news networks fawned over him and helped him win an Emmy award for his “effective use of television during the pandemic.”  Cuomo and his giant ego later remarked that the Emmy board members forgot to mention his “sense of humor, charisma, good looks or charm.

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Smug vegan Eric Adams phones it in

Crime is the biggest issue in the New York mayor’s race, according to both candidates and the moderators of Tuesday night’s debate. No one bothered to pretend the current mayor, Bill de Blasio, has been anything other than a complete disaster. In just seven years, de Blasio turned the safest big city in America into a vast, lawless, festering homeless shelter. His successor apparent, Eric Adams, is a former police officer and the current Brooklyn borough president. New Yorkers mostly put up with the decline of their city, not wanting to acknowledge the failures of their aloof, ruling monoparty.

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I was on the floor in ’74

Canadian schlockmeister Bryan Adams, born within a fortnight of yours truly, waxed profitably wistful over his Summer of ’69, but I shall extol, for rather less remuneration, the Autumn of ’74. The goad is my editing of the newly published Congressional Journal of Barber B. Conable, Jr., 1968-1984. I was honored to undertake the task; the late Mr Conable, with whom I became friends, is without question the greatest public man to hail from our boondock. Selected on different occasions as the most respected member of the House of Representatives, the Republican Conable had among his many quirks a refusal to accept campaign contributions greater than $50.

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New York is up to you

There are two types of people in New York City: the ones who stayed and the ones who called it quits. Those who stayed wear it like a badge. With a sense of pride, they call themselves the ‘real New Yorkers’. They supported Our Lady of Liberty in her time of need. They consistently ordered delivery to help prevent restaurants from closing. They donated their time and money to the city’s hungry and homeless all while cheering on healthcare workers every night. Those that left bear a stain on their New York resumé. The old way to tell a real New Yorker was if they had lasted and hit the 10-year mark. The new way is faster: if you stayed during the pandemic. It’s like the vaccinated and unvaccinated: there is really no in-between. More than 320,000 NYC residents left in 2020.

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OkCupid’s pro-choice badge is corporate vice-signaling

Cockburn was intrigued to learn that OkCupid, the dating app service, now offers a ‘pro-choice’ badge for its users’ profiles. The feature was introduced in response to Texas Senate Bill 8, a law that could potentially limit abortions after a fetal heartbeat is detected at around six weeks.  While dating apps are not Cockburn’s preferred method of wooing the ladies (mystery is everything), he wonders whether this corporate vice-signaling is catching on. In addition to abortion enthusiasm, OkCupid also promotes itself as a platform for the sexually adventurous. On its website, colorful gender-bending models simulate various sex positions and one apparent orgy.

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Andrew Cuomo doesn’t deserve a second chance

In The Dark Knight, the only Batman movie I’ve ever watched and therefore the best one, Harvey Dent says, 'You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.' At this point in the Andrew Cuomo saga, most Americans have realized that the disgraced former governor of New York is just that — a villain. Just don’t tell Cuomo or his amen chorus of sycophantic dead-enders. This week, the suburban tabloid Newsday published an article by David H. Pikus headlined, 'Ousting Cuomo disenfranchised NY voters'. Thankfully for Pikus, Cuomo approved of his obsequious ass-kissery. The ex-Emmy award winner retweeted the puff piece and added, 'This was politics. Every step of the way.

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Harry and Meghan, maskless in Manhattan

Aspiring hermits Prince Harry and Meghan Markle retreated to the notably reclusive borough of Manhattan today to visit the One World Observatory and the 9/11 Memorial and Museum. The not-so-royal couple were accompanied by Gov. Kathy Hochul of New York and Mayor Bill de Blasio of New York City. But neither New York politician saw fit to don a face mask outside — nor did they ask their esteemed guests to. Instead, Hochul, de Blasio, his wife Chirlane McCray and their son Dante, bared their faces and posed up close for photos with the Sussexes in front of the gathered crowd. https://twitter.

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If the Croc fits

'I don’t get Brooklyn fashion,’ an out-of-towner said the other day. We were brunching at a French restaurant on Williamsburg’s Bedford Avenue, and eyeing a couple by the door — she dressed in faded black pipe-leg men’s jeans crudely cut off at the ankles above a pair of two-inch granny heels, he in a stained and tattered, burnt-orange Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt draped like a cobweb on his skeletal frame. ‘It’s all about looking as shitty as possible,’ I told the tourist. ‘They like to blur the lines between the guy who just crapped his pants shooting up on the corner and having $200,000 in art school debt.’ In my youth I too was a thrift-store aficionado. I loved the hunt, digging around for the amusing, exquisite, old and odd.

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AOC is a hot glue-gun mess

I get what socialist congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thought she was doing. She shows up to the Met Gala, the glitziest event of the year, where tickets are upwards of $30,000 and a table can run nearly a quarter of a million bucks, wearing a white dress with the words ‘Tax the Rich’ scrawled along the back. How cute, she thinks she’s trolling, you know, like the kids do. Except none of the kids on her side are any good at it. AOC, their leader, also proved Monday evening she doesn’t understand how a joke works. That put her in good company. Increasingly like the pop stars and celebrities she spent the evening hobnobbing alongside, her dress stunt showed she, too, bleeds tedium. Take, for example, a comparable incident from last week.

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aoc dress gala ethics

In defense of AOC’s Met Gala dress

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez looked radiant on the red carpet at the Met Gala. She looked elegant too, at least until she turned around. But this is show business. And that, after the last 18 months, is reassuring: this is still America. Also still American is the message that she delivered at the Met through the medium of a decorated wedding dress. It’s an important one, about class and the future of this country. And no one in politics since Donald Trump is better placed to deliver it. Ocasio-Cortez is proof that the prosperity gospel lives. Like an old-time starlet equipped only with moxie and a major in Theater Studies, she has risen to the top. It is only right that she shares her success with her public, just as the stars of the Depression years shared theirs.

Joe Biden cheapened 9/11

With the 20th anniversary of 9/11 having come and gone, many have turned to reflection. Some meditate on the solidarity and sense of national purpose that act of terror engendered; others view it as a dramatic opening to our miserable 21st century. What comes to my mind are the images of our hasty retreat from Afghanistan over the last month. As is often the case, my best thinking has already been articulated by the late Charles Krauthammer. In the introduction of his best-selling collection of essays Things That Matter, Krauthammer explains his evolution from psychiatrist to public intellectual.

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The grim prospect of Gov. Bill de Blasio

During the presidential election, there was a lot of talk about unifying the country. Seven months later and the restoration of norms and return of civility remain on hold. Bringing people together in today’s polarized world is a tough task. It requires a certain je ne sais quoi. However, certain rare politicians can bridge the partisan divide. One such statesman is Warren Wilhelm Jr, who trades under the stage name Bill de Blasio. Through his abysmal governing of New York City over the past eight years, the New York mayor has managed to unite Democrats and Republicans alike. As Michael Scott noted in The Office, ‘Sometimes what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady.

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The tragedy of Andrew Cuomo is not over yet

I’m not going to lie, the past few weeks seeing the spectacular fall of former disgraced governor Andrew Cuomo after being the toast of the town last year has been somewhat satisfying. This time last year, he was writing his acceptance speech to receive his Emmy Award for his amazing performance playing a leader in the middle of a once in a lifetime pandemic. Celebrities like Billy Crystal, Robert De Niro, Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie Perez fawned over their MVP: ‘Most Valuable Politician’. It is quite something to revisit some of their revolting speeches.

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Cuomo by design

'Please. I beg you. It’s not worth seeing. Avert your eyes. It’s all laptop screensaver crack smoke. Just please don’t make me write about Hunter Biden’s artworks.' Such were this critic’s fevered thoughts as the news of New York governor Andrew Cuomo’s resignation came across the Twitter-tape. And so we turn to another artist manqué. This time, he is a builder, a builder of works on the order of the Romans of the 1930s. And now, these works will remain unappreciated (such is the fate of true artists). So, let’s appreciate. 'Excelsior', this governor scrawled across the edifices and tunnels and apps of his numinous creation. 'Ever Upward', he helpfully provided just beside it in translation. 'It’s Latin!

design Andrew Cuomo (Getty Images)

Why Andrew Cuomo had to go

The announcement that Andrew Cuomo will resign in two weeks follows the total collapse of his political support among Democrats in New York State and Washington. His advisers told him impeachment was now certain, and he resigned just ahead of the inevitable, as President Nixon did when he was given the same message by his erstwhile congressional supporters. The headlight of that oncoming train has been visible in Albany for months. The crash became certain when Attorney General Letitia James of New York issued her damning report on Cuomo’s behavior, buttressed by testimony from 11 accusers. After James’s report and press conference, all the top Democrats in the state and country began calling on Cuomo to resign. The major papers, which always support Democrats, did the same.

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Why would Andrew Cuomo resign?

The Andrew Cuomo groping scandal has finally claimed some scalps. Just not, at the time of writing, Andrew Cuomo’s. Instead, it is #MeToo’s enforcers who are being struck down. On Monday, Roberta Kaplan, chairwoman of Time’s Up and founder of the group’s legal defense fund, submitted her resignation. Kaplan had worked closely with Cuomo’s staff during the investigation, and reviewed a draft op-ed that was intended to disparage the character of Cuomo’s first accuser Lindsey Boylan. On Monday, she was denounced in an online open letter (as people are these days), and her painful public penance came mere hours later. Kaplan’s client, senior Cuomo aide Melissa DeRosa, resigned as well.

Andrew Cuomo has nowhere to hide

Most people told me it would never happen. And so I prepared myself that after almost a year and a half of shouting for answers and accountability from New York’s 56th governor, I would probably never see the day Andrew Mark Cuomo would step down, or be forced to leave office. But, now, it is finally happening. The headlines speak of Andrew Cuomo’s career coming to an end. On Tuesday, Attorney General Letitia James’s office released the results of an extensive investigation into allegations of sexual harassment against Gov. Andrew Cuomo. The results were devastating and disgusting.

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Andrew Cuomo is a cockroach

Today New York attorney general Leticia James announced the findings of a five-month investigation into claims that Gov. Andrew Cuomo sexually harassed multiple women. The findings? Cuomo’s conduct was far worse than previously suggested in public allegations and the media. He sexually harassed, groped and retaliated against numerous women — then his office tried to cover it up. The AG's 168-page report tells of how Cuomo was found to have grabbed a staffer’s breast while giving her a hug, groped multiple women’s butts and even dragged his hand across the stomach and back of a female member of his security detail.

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Coffee with Coleen

I’ve eaten a lot of breakfasts in my time — hell, it must be approaching 20,000 by now — and few if any have equaled those consumed at Coleen’s Kitchen on Main Street in the lived-in Erie Canal village of Brockport, New York. It takes a few minutes before you sense that there’s something not quite wrong about Coleen’s. Upon entering the restaurant you pour your own coffee at the beverage station. Maître d’ Coleen directs you to your seat. She hands you the extensive four-page menu, which warns that ‘you will be charged 59 cents if you ask what kind of bread I have’. Read it well and don’t waste Coleen’s time, you lazy bum! Waitress Coleen takes your order.

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