Marriage

Q. My partner, a leading political commentator on a national newspaper, recently agreed to shave off his hair at the suggestion of his editor, in order to write and illustrate a feature piece on the charms of baldness. The timing, at the height of the summer season, could of course not be more embarrassing. He is due to attend a dinner at your magazine in the next few days. Mary, how do I explain this horror to anyone we meet before it grows back — if it ever does? — J.G., London A. It seems likely that your partner may have been nursing a secret urge to upstage you. Now he has used the opportunity of this commission to gratify it. By showcasing his new look, as you note, at the height of the summer season, he can be sure that all eyes will be on him and not on you.

Q. Someone I was at university with but hadn’t seen much of over the ten years since invited me to come for a weekend at his country house. I went once and, although it was perfectly fine and they are perfectly nice, wouldn’t want to go there again. Life’s just too short to spend weekends with people you can’t really talk to. But now his wife has identified me as a ‘spare man’ and is keen for me to come again. I have given excuses for not accepting subsequent invitations but she is really persistent and has now said they are going to be there all of July and August and can I just name any weekend. How can I give a permanent refusal without being rude? —Name and address withheld A. Turn this bullying to your advantage.

Pope Francis, is, according to Cardinal Walter Kasper - a Swabian formerly responsible for ecumenism - neither a traditionalist nor a liberal - "both of which categories have become rather timeworn and hackneyed" - but rather a radical who wants to advance a revolution of forgiveness. Well, that's what Christians are kind of for, even if most of us fall rather short of the ideal. But though the liberal/trad categories may indeed be a bit hackneyed - possibly because they're completely and utterly lost on the secular majority -- it's not to say that the old agendas aren't still being fought over with gusto. And right at the top of the liberal shopping list is a married clergy.

I have had many proposals of marriage recently via the internet, most of them coming from young ladies in Nigeria, Ghana, the DRC and so on. Some of them haven’t even asked for my bank details. I assume that request will come later. Here’s the best one, though. And also the most mystifying. Hello Dear one, Hello,You have a wonderful and charming look of which every man that knows something good must appreciate the good creature of the Almighty. I must say that you are an epitome of natural beauty and I would like to know you better and I hope to be your very good friend. Since the first time I saw your face here on the face book I find it hard to erase it out of my mind.

When Tom Hollander met Joan Collin on the set of The Clandestine Marriage the pair hit it off. In fact, they got on so well that Hollander attended the Dynasty star's Christmas party alongside Conrad Black and William Hague, before receiving an invitation to stay with her in St Tropez. However, as Hollander writes in this week's edition of The Spectator, their friendship took a turn for the worse when the Rev actor called Collins to confirm a date. Collins was out at the time of the call so she rang Hollander back and left a voicemail for him. 'The next day I got a long voice message on my mobile. ‘Hi darling, it’s Joan here.

The first pagan temple to be built in Iceland for a thousand years has just been granted planning permission, a wonderful bureaucratic detail that shows up just how much this revival is polite make-believe. Ragnar Hairybreeks or Harald Bluetooth would not seek planning permission before building a place of sacrifice. At Gamla Uppsala, the Viking temple site in Sweden, horses were hanged to please the gods in groups of nine from trees, along with cattle, sheep, and human beings. In Reykjavik today’s pagans still eat sacred horsemeat at their feasts, but they buy it in from caterers. Respectable modern paganism is not only made up, as its leading ideologues cheerfully admit, but made up within a very limited compass of the modern Anglo-American imagination.

I’ve never lived with a man I didn’t marry: Tweedledee, 1979–1984, and Tweedledum, 1984–1995. (The names have been changed to irritate the pair of them.) So when I left my second union and moved to Brighton to chase the man who is now my third (and hopefully final) husband, I was keen to establish and keep separate households. I was quite pleased to find that not only was I having a blast seeing Daniel while maintaining a maverick social life (he didn’t want to be in a swimming pool full of drunken, shrieking girls’n’gays any more than I wanted to be in a room full of game-playing, beer-drinking men) but was apparently part of a growing social phenomenon.

Once again Mary has invited some of her favourite figures in the public eye to submit personal queries for her attention. From Jesse Norman MP Q. We’ve been having a little local difficulty at work with one or two colleagues who vigorously assert their loyalty to the organisation, but then go and join a would-be competitor. It’s not that this is bad for morale; on the contrary. But it confuses some of our customers. Your advice would be most welcome. A. Take the tip of a top industrialist who never tried to refuse a resignation: congratulate the deserter effusively on his decision and declare publicly that he and his new organisation will make an excellent fit and wish him well.

Sometimes it is the small things that tell you everything you need to know about the madness afflicting British politics at present. Consider this small detail from the new immigration bill: All proposed marriages and civil partnerships involving a non-EEA national with limited or no immigration status in the UK are to be referred by registrars to the Home Office. This will give the Home Office more time and scope to identify and investigate suspected sham marriages and civil partnerships and to take effective enforcement action. Why does this matter? Because it alters the relationship between citizens and the state. Once upon a time the state presumed you were innocent unless there was evidence to suggest an offence had been committed. That no longer applies.

Mr S would not like to be on the Times news desk this morning, as the paper realises they have been scooped by their own announcements page. Actor and global heart throb Benedict Cumberbatch has announced in the traditional manner that he is to marry his girlfriend Sophie Hunter, but it was only after the paper was published that anyone seems to have noticed. Cue a hurried story up online, and one hell of showbiz scoop suddenly exclusive to everyone. But where was the front page picture story? Update: Times news hands point out that the announcement was given a very small nod on page 20 of this morning's edition. A source at the paper tells Mr S: 'They wanted it announced in the customary way and we respected their desire to get the news out first.