Eriquette

Q. At a recent party I walked over to chat to my friend’s father. Because he was clearly wobbly (he’s about 90), I got two chairs for us to sit on. After a while I was keen to circulate but no one else came over to speak – probably because they, rightly, assumed that if they did I would take the chance to get up and leave them with him. It was suddenly time to go to our tables for supper and I ended up not having spoken to anyone else. What could I have done?– O.M., Burnham Overy Staithe A. You could have waved at an imaginary person behind your interlocutor. ‘Hello!’ you could have cried into the absence. Then springing up say: ‘Excuse me for a moment. I can see X wants to come and say hello.

Q. I am a lifelong fan of J.K. Rowling’s work. I have read and watched everything she’s written and am so looking forward to December when the forthcoming new Harry Potter TV series drops. My problem is that I’ve moved into a flat with a close friend who disagrees strongly with J.K.’s views on gender and has pleaded with me to commit to not watching the new series on ethical grounds. I can neither lie to my flatmate nor bear to forfeit something that will bring me so much happiness that it would be no exaggeration to say that it will give me a reason to live. – P.R., Edinburgh A. You can resolve this by taking a tip from guilty Greens, who buy carbon credits from bodies such as the non-profit Atmosfair to offset the eco damage of flights they have taken.

Q. My brother and I have bought a flat together in central London. It was expensive but we will save a fortune over time through not having to take taxis. Now we are in our new pristine flat we realise we don’t want whatever there is on London pavements being tramped through it, so we take our shoes off at the door. Male friends seem happy to slip their footwear off, but girls who have come in high heels don’t want to take them off. My mother says it’s because they are worried about their legs ‘looking stumpy’ but whatever, they really don’t seem able to relax without them. What should I do? The plastic surgical overshoes you have recommended in the past don’t work with heels. – Name withheld, London SW1 A.

Q. We have made friends with a very unpopular local man and would like to skewer the myths about him by inviting others to meet him. The background is that we moved to the country from London last year so our children could go to a decent (free) day school and consequently our social life has very much centred on fellow parents. But over the summer we have been seeing our neighbouring landowner, also a newcomer, who we had been told was poisonous company. We have found him adorable! My husband resents the idea that, if we invite him to a supper party, we should have to run his name past other potential guests as though asking for permission to include him. But not warning people he will be there could lead to awkwardness on the night. What do you advise?

Q. I have a good relationship with a neighbour. She has a labrador and I have a Jack Russell. If I cannot walk my dog she will do it and vice versa. Yesterday my daughter visited unexpectedly and was at the top of the house when she heard my neighbour open the front door and call my dog for his walk. Five minutes later she heard the dog being returned to the house. I don’t want to fall out with my neighbour but I would always walk her labrador for at least 45 minutes and my dog needs a proper walk every day. How should I proceed? – N.B., Stockbridge A. Fitness trackers for dogs are all the rage – attached to the collar, they count steps and provide GPS tracking.

Q. A woman I have known for many years and who helped look after my mother has just had her leg amputated. One Saturday this month, she is out of hospital and is throwing a late birthday party at her farm with a hog roast etc to celebrate. However, I have invited a schoolfriend to stay that weekend, and she has pancreatic cancer. Would it be very rude to go to the party for a short time? I have a charming, polite, gay man as my other house guest to keep my schoolfriend company. – E.S., Sussex A. Never underestimate the fun of spending unsupervised time in someone else’s house. Your guests would be delighted if you went out to a party. However, don’t be tempted to raise the topic of rival health conditions and which one trumps which. There could be no useful outcome.

Q. When guests are leaving our house they sometimes ask: ‘Would you like me to strip my bed?’ The truthful answer is often: ‘No, because you are very clean and only stayed one night and I may decide to reuse your bed for one of the hulking slob friends of my son who stay.’ But if I say this, the guest might wonder if they went into ‘pre-used’ sheets. Worst-case scenario, they do not ask and turn up downstairs with an armful of bedding. What should I do? – C.W., Stoke Abbott, Dorset A. When asked by a guest if they should strip the sheets, reply: ‘Please don’t. Our daily has such little self-esteem as it is, she would really mind if you cheated her of the whole job.’ Q.

Q. A gang of us have rented a house in Portugal. We have all been friends since school, but one of the boys has a girlfriend, whom we like except for the fact that she is in the habit of treating waiters badly. There is nothing that makes a table more uncomfortable than one member of the party being rude towards the people who are trying to help, and we are looking at a week of dinners in restaurants with her making us all nervous. Whenever we have begged her to stop, she ploughs on anyway saying that no one should let poor service or substandard food ruin their evening and we all need to be like her and ‘kick ass’. What can we do? – P.T., Streatham, SW16 A. Nowadays when you make an online booking there is an option to add a message for the restaurant in advance.