Leading article

It is a shame that Gordon Brown said in parliament that he ‘saved the world’ when he meant to say ‘saved the banks’, because the latter proposition is the more preposterous. It is a shame that Gordon Brown said in parliament that he ‘saved the world’ when he meant to say ‘saved the banks’, because the latter proposition is the more preposterous. After more than a year of throwing our money at the banks, the Prime Minister has fixed nothing. He simply stopped a run on the banks by putting the British taxpayer on the hook for all of their losses.

The cow has had it too easy for too long. For years we humans have been jetting across the world, guiltily clutching complimentary snacks, shamed by the feeling that every minute of our flight was damaging our planet’s fragile climate. Our bovine friends, meanwhile, have been openly flatulent, emitting devastating global warming gases without fear of reprisal. Thank goodness then for Lord Stern of Brentford, the New Labour climate change guru who this week has finally focused the nation’s opprobrium where it is deserved. Of course it’s not quite true that every time a cow farts, a baby polar bear falls through the ice, but Lord Stern does have science on his side.

The readers’ dinner held at Spectator headquarters last week was, as might be expected, a sparkling, bibulous affair. The readers’ dinner held at Spectator headquarters last week was, as might be expected, a sparkling, bibulous affair. The only cloud was the realisation that, unfortunately, many subscribers had not received the latest issue of the magazine, thanks to the inefficiency of the Royal Mail and the disruption caused by recent industrial activity. Alas, this sorry situation seems likely to continue for some time to come, as the postal workers’ union seems hell-bent on trying the public’s patience still further.

It seems that marriage and success go together as surely as love and marriage. A new study by the Office for National Statistics suggests that married men are 33 per cent more likely to find another job after being sacked than men who are single or divorced. Given that unemployment is 2.47 million and rising, perhaps it’s time to chivvy the unemployed off to church. Marriage is, according to the study, a more important determinant in getting a job than having A levels, a degree or a mortgage. It is tempting to speculate about the reasons for this. Perhaps the prospect of staying indoors listening to the wife complain about mounting bills is enough to send even the laziest chap down to the job centre.

It was a poetic coincidence that the week the Labour party made its defiant last stand in Brighton, the newspapers reported a story that sums up precisely why this country so urgently needs another government. The case of the two policewomen who have been ordered by Ofsted to stop their sensible, reciprocal babysitting arrangement, under the terms of the 2006 Childcare Act, shows just how damaging Labour’s addiction to risk-averse legislation can be. In this case, it has turned neighbours into vindictive sneaks — the WPCs’ babysitting deal was said to have been reported by an anonymous local with a personal grudge; and it has dissuaded two diligent mothers not just from working, but (they said) from having more children as well.

The Bishops of England and Wales have excelled themselves in their efforts to promote the Church of England’s ‘Back to Church’ day (this Sunday). The Bishops of England and Wales have excelled themselves in their efforts to promote the Church of England’s ‘Back to Church’ day (this Sunday). The Bishop of Sheffield has recorded a video on YouTube, Canterbury has presided over a rap-style radio ad: ‘No need to make no innovation. Please accept this as your invitation.’ But the Bishop of Reading, the Rt Revd Stephen Cottrell, has done best: he has opened up a theological can of worms.

The news that union members at the TUC Congress are eager to ban high heels in the workplace, for health and safety reasons, confirms a number of our long-held theories. First, that dreaming up health and safety hazards is more of a hobby than a job for union officials. Rather than focus on real risks, it’s much more fun for them to fantasise about un-usual and exciting scenarios: what if a high heel were to snag on a phone wire? What if an earring were to hook onto the spoke of a passing umbrella? Second: any old statistic will do in the service of health and safety. Leading the charge against stilettos was a foot expert called Lorraine Jones, who pointed out that two million working days are lost every year due to ‘lower limb problems’.

The Afghans would be entitled to feel a little aggrieved at the way the West has criticised their ‘fraudulent’ elections. Doubtless Hamid Karzai rigged the system to get the result he wanted, but in doing so, he was following a fine European tradition. The United Nations are suspicious that Karzai’s share of the vote was, in some areas, 100 per cent. But wasn’t this precisely same result Gordon Brown achieved when he was ‘elected’ Labour party leader after his character assassins had dissuaded all potential rivals from standing? Karzai may well have more support in his country than our leader does in ours.

There’s one present a parent can give a child in modern Britain that they will prize above all others. It’s not a Playstation or a puppy or even an iPhone. If a boy today has any sense, he’ll instead insist on having a certificate diagnosing him with the popular personality syndrome Attention Deficit Disorder. This has evolved from an excuse to behave badly in the classroom to the real-life equivalent of one of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets.