Cockburn’s Diary

It was supposed to be an innocent magazine promotion, announcing how The Spectator was going from printing monthly to twice-monthly in the US. So imagine our editor’s horror when he checked his phone late Friday night and discovered he’d been impounded on X by the Department of Homeland Security. “We have just sent our first fortnightly edition of The Spectator for the US market. And it’s a gem,” US editor Freddy Gray posted earlier that day. “The cover piece, by @bdomenech, is on the military conflict that MAGA wants. It could not be more timely.” The artwork by Pep Boatella depicts President Trump rolling through the desert with masked government officials, headed to crack down on the Mexican drug cartel.

Cockburn spent Wednesday night at the ultra-exclusive Ned’s Club near the White House for a shindig celebrating the launch of GB News’s DC bureau. The network, which launched in 2021, will be airing a US politics show from 7-9 p.m. ET (that’s midnight to 2 a.m. UK time), anchored by Bev Turner. Nigel Farage, who hosts a primetime show on the network, held court by the central bar. Cockburn spotted him chatting to Jim Jordan, who chairs the House Judiciary Committee which Farage had addressed on free speech in Britain earlier in the day.

How does Ilhan Omar make her money? How does the Trump family make its money? Is money real? What is reality? These are the questions Cockburn is asking himself after this weekend’s financial news. First, let’s fly over Minnesota. Founding “Squad” member Omar, the Washington Free Beacon reported yesterday, is currently worth more than $30 million, despite telling the press earlier this year that it’s “categorically false” that she’s a millionaire. If by false, you mean “true,” then yes. The Free Beacon obtained Omar’s latest financial disclosure, which indicated that she and her husband, shifty “former political consultant” Tim Mynett, are worth somewhere between $6 million and $30 million – a wide range.

The transfer from wonk-world to the White House is usually cause for celebration – a bragging opportunity for the think tank that just got their guy or gal into the administration. Yet the nomination of E.J. Antoni, chief economist at the Heritage Foundation, to run the Bureau of Labor Statistics has been met with a rather quiet response from lots of his colleagues on Massachusetts Avenue. Cockburn noticed the crickets. Why isn’t Heritage pushing the appointment more, and leaving Team Trump to do most of the work (there is, indeed, some convincing to do)? Cockburn understands one event last year has made some staff hesitant to publicly endorse Antoni: a presentation delivered by Antoni to Heritage interns last summer was sidetracked when he was asked a question about IQ.

It’s a love story, baby just say ‘yes’ Despite her shilling for Kamala Harris last November, Taylor Swift has evidently not had a Cruel Summer. Everything Has Changed for the singer, despite President Trump’s declaration that she is “no longer hot.” If things go as planned, the Gorgeous Swift will live evermore with Travis Kelce, her boyfriend of two years to whom she is now engaged. Cockburn is waiting with bated breath for the President to claim credit: she was never going to get married under Biden or Obama, clearly. This afternoon, Trump said, “I wish them a lot of luck… I think he’s a great player, a great guy. I think she’s a terrific person. So, I wish them a lot of luck.

“NO ONE is above the law… @FBI agents on mission,” FBI director Kash Patel posted on X at 7 a.m. ET. He provided a solution to that cryptogram soon after, as agents raided the Bethesda home of permanently grouchy former Trump national security advisor John Bolton. Over his pre-raid morning coffee, Bolton was criticizing Trump’s Russia-Ukraine negotiations, calling them basically useless: “Trump wants a Nobel Peace Prize, but I don't see these talks making any progress,” he wrote. Soon after, the cars pulled up. Whoops! A source told Daily Caller editor Vince Coglianese, “This is related to a national security investigation of Mr. Bolton that was shut down by the Biden administration for political reasons.

After a six-month absence from Cockburn’s sights – far too long, really – Ashley St. Clair, baby mama to Elon Musk’s 13th child (that we know of), resurfaced Monday. St. Clair has launched a 30-minute video podcast sponsored by Polymarket, the cryptocurrency prediction company. Sitting in what appears to be a luxury bedroom somewhere in Manhattan, wearing a black tank top and looking no worse for the motherhood wear, the Florida-born St. Clair didn’t waste any time, exhibiting some lightly ironic vocal fry, with this opening paragraph: After a year of unplanned career suicide, many questionable life choices and a gap in my LinkedIn profile that cannot legally be explained, I have decided to start a podcast.

No story has captured Cockburn’s imagination this week quite like the U Street Sandwich Thrower. Sean Charles Dunn, a 37-year-old lawyer at the Department of Justice’s Criminal Division, was so incensed at the increased law enforcement presence in DC that he threw a Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection agent – and was sub-sequently arrested. “He thought it was funny,” said a disgusted Judge Jeanine Pirro, the US Attorney for DC. Is Dunn a deep-state plant? Was his effort part of a viral marketing campaign for the new Chappell Roan song? Details remain murky – but Cockburn’s confidante Jacqueline Sweet does have a nugget or two.

What is Washington to make of the President’s efforts to “make DC safe again?” If you’re only capable of measuring Trump’s actions by how authoritarian they appear, then, sure, his declaration of a state of emergency, seizure of control of the Metropolitan Police Department and mobilization of the National Guard must seem scary. Cockburn empathizes with the small number of DC residents – and larger cohort in other cities and around the world – who see Trump’s use of the powers granted him by the Home Rule Act as concerning. On his Monday evening constitutional around Northwest DC, Cockburn saw a number of arrests taking place, more MPD cars on the street than usual and heard a chorus of sirens cascading into the night.

Bride and prejudice As a great philosopher once said, it’s so confusing sometimes to be a girl. American womanhood is at an inflection point this summer, according to Cockburn’s nieces. Can a white girl wear denim and avoid being called a Nazi? Is being hot and an adequate dancer and in a Southern sorority allowed again? (When was it banned?!) Perhaps most crucially: what passes for decorum these days? That’s what Cockburn finds himself wondering after witnessing a rather unbecoming display of the American right’s finest female minds duking it out on X this week.

There’s no small irony in the fact that Texas Democratic state legislators, fleeing a congressional redistricting attempt by Texas’s Republican majority, have sought shelter in Illinois. They’re acting like political refugees in what is, in fact, the most gerrymandered state in the country. Look at Illinois District 13, which snakes up from the Missouri border nearly to the gates of Indiana, bisecting the state (and District 15) like Illinois’s small intestine. Chicago is a very populous city, but the state has carved up its Congressional districts like a turducken, giving us as many (D-Chicagos) as humanly possible. The Illinois Democratic machine has had an outsized influence on American politics, much less Illinois politics, for decades.

Kamala Harris reappeared last night, making a 30-minute guest appearance on the now-canceled Late Show with Stephen Colbert, to deliver this message of hope to the American people: The country is irretrievably broken and there’s nothing anyone can do to fix it. Hilarious! Momala said that everything terrible that was going to happen if she lost to Donald Trump has now happened (relatively strong economy, world peace) but the worst thing is that her fellow Democrats have “capitulated” to Trump’s fascist program of trade protectionism and renaming everything after himself. Harris, who recently announced that she’s not running for California governor, said she probably won’t run for President in 2028 either.

Street sweepers The Trump Administration’s plans to completely reshape the nation’s homeless policy got lost in last week’s tidal wave of news. They intend to address the “root causes” of homelessness by enforcing prohibitions on illegal drug use, urban camping and squatting. “Shifting homeless individuals into long-term institutional settings for humane treatment through the appropriate use of civil commitment will restore public order,” the White House announced. This is  a curious order. It’s a reverse of a Reagan-era policy of emptying out the asylums and also a harsh rebuke of the policies of progressive cities, who offer safe consumption sites and Narcan vending machines.

In the surest sign of the permanent decay of Cockburn’s mind and soul, he spent all yesterday waiting for the President to post about the size of his appendage. The fact that Donald Trump has yet to do so fills Cockburn with sadness and ennui. This weekend doesn’t offer much promise either, as Trump is in the air on his way to Scotland. Maybe he’ll take some time to ponder his nether regions on Air Force One. The impetus for Cockburn’s hope comes from the season premiere of South Park, which portrays Trump as a selfish, horny imbecile, as it used to portray Saddam Hussein more than 20 years ago. Also like South Park’s Saddam, Trump has a homosexual love affair with Satan, who notices the resemblance.

The Republican majority in the House is down to +7: Representative Mark Green of Tennessee’s 7th congressional district officially resigned on Monday. Green was the subject of a rather messy scandal in his final term: his wife of 35 years initiated divorce proceedings last September, wrongly accusing the congressman of having an affair with a 32-year-old female Axios reporter in the filing. He was, in fact, cheating on her with a different young woman, who exonerated the reporter. “We’ve all had to basically grieve the loss of the person that we thought was our father,” Green’s daughter Catherine told local press at the time. “My dad sells himself in politics as being a Christian, conservative family man... His actions in the last, whatever, year have not been that.

The exclusive WSJ letter Cockburn nearly drove his roadster into a ditch when the Wall Street Journal broke news in the early evening that Donald Trump had written a letter to Jeffrey Epstein for his 50th birthday, which Ghislane Maxwell collected into a “leather-bound album.” According to the WSJ, the letter “contains several lines of typewritten text framed by the outline of a naked woman, which appears to be hand-drawn with a heavy marker. A pair of small arcs denotes the woman’s breasts, and the future president’s signature is a squiggly ‘Donald’ below her waist, mimicking pubic hair….The letter concludes: ‘Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret.’” In an interview with the WSJ, Trump said the letter was fake.

Trash talk Who gets to call themselves MAGA these days, anyway? Politico Playbook declared this weekend that “MAGA is whatever Trump decides it will be” – the administration’s go-to defense when the President does something the further-right side of his base doesn’t care for, such as dispatching military support to Ukraine, say, or running interference for the Ghost of Jeffrey Epstein. Heading into the midterms – and we’re past the halfway point of 2025, so we are heading into the midterms – Republican candidates up and down the country are already attempting to bill themselves as the most “MAGA” in the field, in hope of garnering a Trump endorsement that could see them win office.

Fumbled… As Texas digs out from last weekend’s catastrophic flooding, the state’s leaders are using the only metaphor its residents understand – football – to try and shift blame. Texas Governor Greg Abbott, a great protector of the Republican establishment, said at a Tuesday press conference, “Every football team makes mistakes. The losing teams are the ones that try to point out who is to blame. The championship teams are the ones that say ‘Don’t worry about it, man. We got this. We’re going to make sure that we go score again and then we’re going to win this game.’” But the “losing team,” in this case, appears to be the Republican-run Kerr County, which did not have a proper flood warning system in place.

A great travel miracle has occurred – and Cockburn, who flies frequently and disgruntledly, couldn’t be more thrilled. The TSA, as of either yesterday or very, very soon, will no longer require airline passengers to remove their shoes when going through security. Shoes on/shoes off has been the bane of every commercial airline passenger’s existence since British terrorist Richard Reid attempted to detonate his shoe bomb on a flight from Paris to Miami in December 2001. Since then, it’s been federal policy to X-ray your Nikes and, repulsively, your flip-flops. Now either that threat has passed – or maybe it wasn’t ever that much of a threat. Regardless, we are free. Cockburn would like to see some other flying experience changes to accompany this one.

Deport Elon Musk? “Without subsidies, Elon would probably have to close up shop and head back home to South Africa,” President Trump lightly threatened on Truth Social close to midnight. But Musk, who is proposing the formation of a new “America party” in reaction to Republicans passing the Big, Beautiful Bill this week, doesn’t seem to really care about electric vehicle subsidies. His X feed is an unending stream of warnings about the runaway national debt and promises to fund the re-election campaign of gadfly Congressman Thomas Massie of Kentucky. But Daddy Trump isn’t playing nice. This morning on the White House lawn where he always unleashes his punchiest quotes, Trump said, “We might have to put DoGE on Elon. You know what DoGE is?