Cockburn’s Diary

President Trump prevented World War Three yesterday, or so he claimed multiple times. “No one wants World War Three,” he said. Fact check: true. Trump and many of the world’s finest leaders gathered behind a large, tacky but also touching sign that read “Peace 2025.” Italy’s Giorgia Meloni also attended the summit. Trump called her “beautiful,” saying that in the US calling a woman beautiful could mean the “end of your political career.” Fact check: true. “I’ll take my chances,” Trump said. Cockburn enjoyed the day’s festivities, which featured enough comic moments to fill a season of The Office.

Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday Washington is ten days into the government shutdown, and the Republicans and Democrats remain at loggerheads. Members are accosting each other in the corridors of power – in front of a gawking media, naturally – and challenging their adversaries to debate on TV shows. The impression our leaders are trying to give us is that they are working hard to reach a solution to the impasse. The same can’t be said for admin officials: Cockburn understands a large swathe have taken the opportunity to head off on vacation – and are doing their best to ensure they don’t post any pictures. (As ever, if you’ve spotted a secretary soaking in the sunshine, let Cockburn know at cockburn@thespectator.com.

Congresswoman Maxine Dexter of Oregon, who once briefly went viral for saying we have to “fuck Trump,” has posted a cringey video of a gray-haired Portland ukelele orchestra playing and singing the most off-key version of “This Land Is Your Land” imaginable. “Portland is not a military target,” the caption reads. Ah, but it is, and for good reason. Armed leftist radicals have firebombed a courthouse and are regularly attacking an ICE facility. Residents at the Multnomah County Plaid Shirt Senior Center may not see that on MSNBC (soon to be MS NOW!) or in their daily Heather Cox Richardson newsletter, but it’s happening.

With the federal government shut down indefinitely, paychecks are going to be light or non-existent around DC, putting disposable income at a premium. Businesses in the Capital are stepping into the breach with the greatest array of discounts in memory. Cockburn will do his best to take advantage of them with his fake government ID. He wonders if anyone will realize he’s not actually “Rashida Tlaib.” Some of Cockburn’s favorite DC spots are bringing items back to 2010-ish prices. The legendary Tune Inn will offer $4 Lemon Drop “Shutdown Shots,” $8 two-cheese Bipartisan Melt with French fries, and $7 “Gridlock Nachos” from 2 p.m. to 8 p.m. Furlough Fizzes for everyone!

A word of wisdom for any of the old-guard reporters planning on picking a fight with the new media in the White House Briefing Room: Cara Castronuova, of Lindell TV, was once ranked second in the country at super-bantamweight and has won two bouts at Madison Square Garden. Mona Austin, of the “100% woman and Black-owned’ Slice, competed with the former boxer during a gaggle with Steve Witkoff by the Palm Room doors yesterday and refused to budge, saying “I don’t want to be on reality TV.” A brouhaha ensued. “There was lots of yelling, it was very uncomfortable,” one hack told Cockburn. Who needs UFC on the South Lawn when you can have boxing by the Palm Room doors?

Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the man who once threw a shoe at George W. Bush during a press conference, posted a gym selfie on X the other day. Cockburn is here to tell you that the man is yoked. “Have a nice day” indeed, Muntadhar!“This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, you dog,” al-Zaidi shouted at Bush in 2008, before throwing his shoe. He subsequently spent nine months behind bars. After a release for good behavior, he said he intended to start a foundation that would “build orphanages, a children’s hospital, and medical and orthopedic centers offering free treatment and manned by Iraqi doctors and medical staff.”That doesn’t appear to have happened. Al-Zaidi also ran, unsuccessfully, for public office in Iraq in 2018.

One of President Trump’s unique gifts is that he can simultaneously hold two truths to be self-evident. That’s how the White House managed to send out a press release yesterday with the headline “FACT: Evidence Suggests Link Between Acetaminophen, Autism.” Cockburn supposes it’s fact that evidence “suggests,” but it’s really just bet-hedging. Concurrently, Trump manages to present himself as the great preserver of classical architecture and American tradition, yet is on the verge of unveiling a gaudy “Presidential Walk of Fame” on the White House Colonnade.

Looking for a good time, sweet’eart? Team Trump is back in Washington today after their sojourn to Britain for a state visit. The President took to the Old Country with the gusto of an American girl on study abroad: castles, royals, knights, fancy dinners, all the pageantry. “I saw more paintings than any human being has ever saw, and statues,” he gushed to the press pool on the flight back. He even managed to dodge the most difficult question in his joint press conference with Prime Minister Keir Starmer, flatly claiming “I don’t know him, actually,” of ousted UK ambassador Peter Mandelson, who was fired over new revelations of his ties to Jeffrey Epstein.

Luigi’s mansion It’s money well-spent for those who contributed to Luigi Mangione’s million-dollar defense fund. Two state terrorism charges against the accused CEO-killer have been thrown out by a New York judge today, including a first-degree murder charge which could have landed Mangione in prison for life. Judge Gregory Carro ruled that, despite the ideological motive behind Mangione’s alleged actions – a sort of “eat-the-rich” philosophy which has made him a grotesque folk hero for many on the far left – a murder committed for ideological reasons isn’t necessarily terrorism.

This time next week, President Trump will be across the Pond in the United Kingdom for a state visit. He goes back to the Old Country at a testing time for US-UK relations. The UK ambassador to the US Lord Mandelson was removed from his post this week after further revelations emerged about his friendship with the convicted child sex offender and financier Jeffrey Epstein. Mandelson remained close with Epstein after his first conviction in 2008 and referred to him as his “best pal” in emails. Mandelson also has an entry in the 50th birthday book put together by Ghislaine Maxwell which the House Oversight Committee released last week – the same book which is the subject of a defamation suit filed by President Trump against the Wall Street Journal.

It was supposed to be an innocent magazine promotion, announcing how The Spectator was going from printing monthly to twice-monthly in the US. So imagine our editor’s horror when he checked his phone late Friday night and discovered he’d been impounded on X by the Department of Homeland Security. “We have just sent our first fortnightly edition of The Spectator for the US market. And it’s a gem,” US editor Freddy Gray posted earlier that day. “The cover piece, by @bdomenech, is on the military conflict that MAGA wants. It could not be more timely.” The artwork by Pep Boatella depicts President Trump rolling through the desert with masked government officials, headed to crack down on the Mexican drug cartel.

Cockburn spent Wednesday night at the ultra-exclusive Ned’s Club near the White House for a shindig celebrating the launch of GB News’s DC bureau. The network, which launched in 2021, will be airing a US politics show from 7-9 p.m. ET (that’s midnight to 2 a.m. UK time), anchored by Bev Turner. Nigel Farage, who hosts a primetime show on the network, held court by the central bar. Cockburn spotted him chatting to Jim Jordan, who chairs the House Judiciary Committee which Farage had addressed on free speech in Britain earlier in the day.

How does Ilhan Omar make her money? How does the Trump family make its money? Is money real? What is reality? These are the questions Cockburn is asking himself after this weekend’s financial news. First, let’s fly over Minnesota. Founding “Squad” member Omar, the Washington Free Beacon reported yesterday, is currently worth more than $30 million, despite telling the press earlier this year that it’s “categorically false” that she’s a millionaire. If by false, you mean “true,” then yes. The Free Beacon obtained Omar’s latest financial disclosure, which indicated that she and her husband, shifty “former political consultant” Tim Mynett, are worth somewhere between $6 million and $30 million – a wide range.

The transfer from wonk-world to the White House is usually cause for celebration – a bragging opportunity for the think tank that just got their guy or gal into the administration. Yet the nomination of E.J. Antoni, chief economist at the Heritage Foundation, to run the Bureau of Labor Statistics has been met with a rather quiet response from lots of his colleagues on Massachusetts Avenue. Cockburn noticed the crickets. Why isn’t Heritage pushing the appointment more, and leaving Team Trump to do most of the work (there is, indeed, some convincing to do)? Cockburn understands one event last year has made some staff hesitant to publicly endorse Antoni: a presentation delivered by Antoni to Heritage interns last summer was sidetracked when he was asked a question about IQ.

It’s a love story, baby just say ‘yes’ Despite her shilling for Kamala Harris last November, Taylor Swift has evidently not had a Cruel Summer. Everything Has Changed for the singer, despite President Trump’s declaration that she is “no longer hot.” If things go as planned, the Gorgeous Swift will live evermore with Travis Kelce, her boyfriend of two years to whom she is now engaged. Cockburn is waiting with bated breath for the President to claim credit: she was never going to get married under Biden or Obama, clearly. This afternoon, Trump said, “I wish them a lot of luck… I think he’s a great player, a great guy. I think she’s a terrific person. So, I wish them a lot of luck.

“NO ONE is above the law… @FBI agents on mission,” FBI director Kash Patel posted on X at 7 a.m. ET. He provided a solution to that cryptogram soon after, as agents raided the Bethesda home of permanently grouchy former Trump national security advisor John Bolton. Over his pre-raid morning coffee, Bolton was criticizing Trump’s Russia-Ukraine negotiations, calling them basically useless: “Trump wants a Nobel Peace Prize, but I don't see these talks making any progress,” he wrote. Soon after, the cars pulled up. Whoops! A source told Daily Caller editor Vince Coglianese, “This is related to a national security investigation of Mr. Bolton that was shut down by the Biden administration for political reasons.

After a six-month absence from Cockburn’s sights – far too long, really – Ashley St. Clair, baby mama to Elon Musk’s 13th child (that we know of), resurfaced Monday. St. Clair has launched a 30-minute video podcast sponsored by Polymarket, the cryptocurrency prediction company. Sitting in what appears to be a luxury bedroom somewhere in Manhattan, wearing a black tank top and looking no worse for the motherhood wear, the Florida-born St. Clair didn’t waste any time, exhibiting some lightly ironic vocal fry, with this opening paragraph: After a year of unplanned career suicide, many questionable life choices and a gap in my LinkedIn profile that cannot legally be explained, I have decided to start a podcast.

No story has captured Cockburn’s imagination this week quite like the U Street Sandwich Thrower. Sean Charles Dunn, a 37-year-old lawyer at the Department of Justice’s Criminal Division, was so incensed at the increased law enforcement presence in DC that he threw a Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Protection agent – and was sub-sequently arrested. “He thought it was funny,” said a disgusted Judge Jeanine Pirro, the US Attorney for DC. Is Dunn a deep-state plant? Was his effort part of a viral marketing campaign for the new Chappell Roan song? Details remain murky – but Cockburn’s confidante Jacqueline Sweet does have a nugget or two.

What is Washington to make of the President’s efforts to “make DC safe again?” If you’re only capable of measuring Trump’s actions by how authoritarian they appear, then, sure, his declaration of a state of emergency, seizure of control of the Metropolitan Police Department and mobilization of the National Guard must seem scary. Cockburn empathizes with the small number of DC residents – and larger cohort in other cities and around the world – who see Trump’s use of the powers granted him by the Home Rule Act as concerning. On his Monday evening constitutional around Northwest DC, Cockburn saw a number of arrests taking place, more MPD cars on the street than usual and heard a chorus of sirens cascading into the night.

Bride and prejudice As a great philosopher once said, it’s so confusing sometimes to be a girl. American womanhood is at an inflection point this summer, according to Cockburn’s nieces. Can a white girl wear denim and avoid being called a Nazi? Is being hot and an adequate dancer and in a Southern sorority allowed again? (When was it banned?!) Perhaps most crucially: what passes for decorum these days? That’s what Cockburn finds himself wondering after witnessing a rather unbecoming display of the American right’s finest female minds duking it out on X this week.