Being of menopausal age, I obey instructions and regularly lift weights (menopausal women are meant to lift heavy stuff and jump a lot to protect our bones, our sanity and revitalise our fast twitch fibres). I love it. Using the squat rack and watching men walk past thinking, “What’s this old bird doing there?” makes me feel powerful.
My gym has a small sign asking people not to drop weights. I’ve never seen a woman do it: that sign is not for us
My gym is not one of the posh ones; there are no free towels, no sauna. There is only what a gym needs: some studio spaces for classes, a swimming pool and sports hall, and two decently equipped gym areas; one with cardio machines, the other with with free weights and machines and a squat rack. I’ve been weightlifting for about a year now, since I was told I had spongey hips (the actual term is osteopenia) despite being a fit fell runner.
You won’t take me away from my weights, but men, why do you have to be so annoying? It was particularly obvious during the January rush, when everyone joins the gym then eventually forgets. But it happens all the time. What am I talking about? There’s the ostentatious grunting, of course. There is a theory that grunting can be useful, but not this much of it. We should be thankful to Furat Albarqawi, a BSc student at the University of Groningen, for devoting her bachelor thesis to “the impact of grunting on social perceptions in the gym.” I liked her method: 327 people watched a video showing “a grunting or non-grunting man” then filled in a questionnaire. Her conclusions were no surprise: men think that grunting makes them look better. “However the results indicate the opposite effect. [Grunting] leads to lower perceptions of masculinity, social attractiveness, and physical attractiveness across male and female observers, while contributing to higher perceptions of social dominance in female observers.”
In less academic language, grunting means “look at me and in particular look at this massive weight I am lifting because I am so hard.” There is the equally ostentatious flinging of free weights onto the floor. There has to be a noise, because the flinging is sending the same message. Hard. Tough. Annoying. My gym has a small sign asking people not to drop weights. I’ve never seen a woman do it: that sign is not for us. For a while, the gym chain Planet Fitness got publicity by setting up a “lunk alarm” that went off when weights were dropped. It could also be manually triggered by staff. This led to endless boring Tik Tok videos of men deliberately setting it off and high-fiving. Being lunks.
I know sometimes a vocalised exhalation is inevitable. The grunting I’m talking about is not due to natural physical effort. It’s a tedious mind-game and it fits in with a pattern of what Albarqawi called “social dominance” and what I call space bullying.
The other night, there were three women in the gym including me, and about a dozen men. Most men were fine and just getting on with it. I know many would help if I ever needed it.
But then there are the others. That night, I was sitting on a machine watching a young woman use the cable machine. A man who I had noticed because I couldn’t not notice him, he was making such a racket – puffing, sighing, yelping, as well as grunting – came to use the other cable on the machine. Then he started staring at her. She didn’t look back and she didn’t stop her workout but afterwards in the changing room, I asked her if she was OK.
“I can’t stand men in gyms,” she said. “They’re all awful.” Her disdain was great, and I’m glad she still went to the gym, but she still modified her behaviour there like most women. Headphones on, eyes averted from any unnecessary eye contact. We’re working out, but we’re also working on creating a small safe space. We are minimising ourselves while in a place where we’re supposed to be making ourselves stronger, better. It’s infuriating. Women already have to give way to men in all walks of life: there’s plenty of research showing how often women have to give way to men on pavements for the simple privilege of not getting barged into.
I’m old enough and grey enough that I assume no-one is going to bother me. Even so I would like to work out in a space that is free of excessive testosterone displays. My gym could add to its “don’t drop your weights” sign with one that says, “just do your workout, men, and shut up about it.”
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