Troy Jackson, Maine’s new working-class Democratic candidate for Senate – following Graham Platner’s demise – has PR problems. Cockburn thinks it’s a case of #MeToo going a little too far. While Platner was on Kik posing in a towel and supposedly sexually assaulting his ex-girlfriends, Jackson was doing the honorable thing – pairing off with his cousin. The level of concern we are seeing over this simple fact is a case of parasocial hysteria. Who cares if Troy is dating, and has two children with, his second cousin? So did FDR.
Well, that was his fifth cousin, but still. Though Jackson and his cousin Lana never wed, cousin marriage isn’t even illegal in Maine and for good reason. Troy Jackson is from a town of 250 people. He’s a logger. Do you people want authentic candidates or not? Do you want people starting stable families or not?
The reason there’s a birth rate crisis is the same reason no ordinary people are in the Senate. We live in a country of sterile prudes who won’t let people marry their coworkers, or their friends’ exes, or anyone they have any likelihood of meeting. When cousin marriage was outlawed by the Catholic Church during the Middle Ages, huge swaths of people were unable to marry, because they’d be excommunicated for marrying anyone they knew. Average marital age for women climbed to their mid-late twenties. Besides, as one prudent leader once noted, “The Targaryens wed brothers and sisters for three hundred years to keep bloodlines pure.”
Cockburn thinks we ought to commend Jackson’s bravery for running at all. Representation is so important.
On our radar
SUMMER CAMP President Trump hosted a cabinet meeting at Camp David before heading to his New Jersey golf club for the weekend.
PLAY BALL Trump also reshared a video clip of Dr. Anthony Fauci’s ceremonial first pitch from 2020 opening day on Truth Social. “It turned out that he was a phony on that, just like he was on everything else,” he wrote. “He was a terrible ‘athlete,’ and this is, by far, the worst throw I have ever seen in years of watching first pitches!”
WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WE WERE GETTING HIGH? The clock tower of the Waldorf Astoria Hotel has reopened after closing to the public in October. The hotel was first the Old Post Office Pavilion, then the Trump International Hotel. Its tower is 270 feet and offers one of the best views of DC.
Pastures new
Yet more change at Jeff Bezos’s Washington Post. Adam O’Neal, who joined around a year ago to head up Post Opinions, is headed for the exit next month.
“I joined the Post to lead the opinion section as it began a new chapter, and we have made dramatic changes over the past year,” he told colleagues in an email.
“I want to thank Jeff Bezos, Jeff d’Onofrio and the entire leadership team. And I especially want to thank everyone in Post Opinions. It has been an honor to have worked with such exceptional people at such an exceptional institution,” O’Neal continued. “While this was not an easy decision, I am leaving proud of how far the opinion section has come and optimistic that its best days lie ahead.”
O’Neal told colleagues at an all-hands that he was departing for personal reasons and that he’d been considering leaving for a while. Not what you’d usually hear from someone who’s been in post for 12 months…
This one is for the boys with the boomin’ system
Words of wisdom from Poet Laureate Nicki Minaj last night, as she dug up a five-year-old report about Anthony Fauci pushing back on her vaccine hesitancy. She posted the following on X, alongside an AI-generated image of Fauci making a diary entry like a preteen:
Feeding tubes will be his portion. He will lose the ability to speak & then & only then will he feel the collective pain & long term ramifications he caused to new borns, young children who are still trying to become acclimated into society & schools, traumatized pregnant women who couldn’t even have family in the delivery rooms & visits, the elderly who died alone & afraid, young ppl still struggling w/mental health, suicide, people turned away from hospitals at their most vulnerable moments, the trust that is now gone from innocent people toward their governments forever, billions of stolen money from hard working tax payers via con artists…I’ve been struggling to find the humor in any of this. God bless everyone who made it to the other side. You’re stronger than you thought. God is in control.
Amanda Gorman couldn’t have said it better herself. Finger snaps all around.
Lindsey Graham’s ‘very swampy’ funeral
America bade farewell to Lindsey Graham this week, with funeral services in Washington and South Carolina and a tribute at the US Capitol. One of Cockburn’s spies attended the proceedings at the Washington National Cathedral, and described a “very swampy funeral overall – Lindsey would’ve loved it.”
“We got there at 11:30 and didn’t get to leave until about five hours later,” the spy reports. “There was no water save for a single water fountain in the vestibule.”
As for the eulogies? “Hannity was horrific, everyone hated it,” the spy said. “He spent more time showing off about his Fox show and bragging about knowing world leaders than he did talking about the late senator. Trump was really good, got a ton of laughs and didn’t go too long.”
“People were taking selfies in the church after the casket was carried out,” the spy continued. “There were also a few protesters outside with signs calling Trump a pedo or whatever. One of them said to a funeral attendee, ‘sorry for your loss’, while he’s protesting the funeral.”
The pressures of the Iran conflict may be getting to some of America’s top military brass. “General Razin’ Caine had a nosebleed down by the bathroom,” said the spy.
Some funeral attendees were reportedly so moved by the day, they dipped out of an evening dinner hosted by one of the US military’s top contractors. Is that what Lindsey would have wanted?
Elon goes offline
Just like everyone else, Elon Musk is worried about the midterms. He has made another serious investment in GOP campaigns (exact amount unknown) by reviving his America PAC, according to Axios. The political action committee spent $260 million to help Trump win the 2024 election and gave Musk access to the President, which doesn’t seem altogether spoiled despite their fall-out last year. When it comes to grudges, even Trump will make an exception for the richest man in the world.
Musk’s biggest investment in politics is not his super PAC, however, but rather Twitter.com, which he renamed X. His purchase ushered in a new era for the algorithm, where right-wing voices were no longer censored. Everyone, he argued, has a right to be heard. In light of this, Cockburn finds it interesting that Musk’s plan is to capture “voters who typically are less inclined to cast ballots in a non-presidential election year.” The strategy will include door-knocking and direct mail, not just digital campaigning. Get ready for the X.com midterms.
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