The clerihew is a comic four-line (AABB) biographical poem characterised by metrical irregularity and awkward rhyme. The first line is often the subject’s name. Or, to put it another way:
E.C. Bentley Quite accidently Invented this form of wit, And this is it. (Anon)
Here is another clerihew inspired by the form’s inventor, this one written by Michael Curl:E.C. Bentley Mused while he ought to have studied intently; It was this muse That inspired clerihews.
The call for clerihews about fictional characters attracted a sizeable postbag and there was much to applaud in an entry full of wit and whimsy. The winners below fought off stiff opposition to bag £8 per clerihew. D.A. Prince Crow didn’t want it so. Given another chance he wouldn’t choose to be muse to Ted Hughes. Roger Slater Robinson Crusoe, Wistfully regarding his unused trousseau, Said, ‘I’m approaching do-or-die day! If I’m not rescued Thursday, I’ll marry Friday.’ Robert Schechter Ishmael Received phish mail But he knew it was a trick When they claimed they could lengthen his Moby Dick. Lot Was not Disappointed his wife looked back. He saw it as an opportunity For her to become a pillar of the community. John Whitworth Carmen Was charmen to barmen, Handing out bags Of free fags. Brian Allgar Lancelot Invited Guinevere to ‘dirty dance’ a lot. His great mistake was to have her on the Round Table, Which then became quite unstable. W.J. Webster James Bond Would never despond. He knew there’d be more sex and glory In the next story. Rob Stuart Caliban Has no obvious connection to the Taleban, But it would be a crime Not to use the rhyme. Nicholas Hodgson Oliver Mellors Was one of those working-class fellers Who had it off With a toff. Ray Kelley Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy Was upper-classy — Indeed, upper-upper-upper; But until the plot thickened not at all Elizabeth’s cuppa. Mike Morrison Castaway Robinson Crusoe Was hopeless at housework and knew so; But then along came Man Friday To keep their island tiday. David Silverman Lady Macbeth Was the cause of death Of lots and lots Of Scots. A.R. Duncan-Jones Humbert Humbert Married the girl’s mum, but Found Lolita Much sweeter. George Simmers Simon Templar Was sometimes an exemplar Of what a saint Ain’t. Barbara Kirby Cyrano Thought he’d hear a ‘no’ From Roxanne, showing a man can be brilliant in some matters, and in some, Dumb. Max Gutmann Godot Doesn’t show. There may be details of the play that I’ve missed, But that’s the gist. Chris O’Carroll Harry Flashman Sneers, ‘It would be a rash man Indeed Who would bet against the success of my unprincipled breed.’ Carolyn Beckingham Some carp At the morals of Becky Sharp, While others consider Amelia Sedley Deadly. Your next challenge is to submit a ‘love scene’ from a novel that dampens rather than boosts the reader’s libido. Please email entries of up to 150 words to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 11 November.
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