'Melania' the movie will send Bluesky ballistic

As America stayed inside at the weekend, terrified and frozen, the White House hosted its own movie night: the first-ever screening of Melania, an insider-access documentary about the First Lady, directed by the disgraced Brett Ratner. This film that old-school Hollywood wouldn’t touch with a barge-pole is coming to theaters everywhere on Friday, whether you see it or not.

The Hollywood Reporter, which met the devil at a crossroads in exchange for access, posted exclusive photos of the event, which included “black-tied VIPs, monogrammed popcorn tubs and a military band playing movie tunes”, as well as bespoke black-and-white cookies bearing Melania’s name. The band actually played “Melania’s Waltz,” a special composition for the film.

In attendance were Queen Rania of Jordan and various CEOs, including Eric Yuan (Zoom), Tim Cook (Apple), and Andy Jassy of Amazon, which bankrolled the picture. Other guests included Mike Tyson, Tony Robbins and Fiat heiress Azzi Agnelli. Was this a movie night or a new season of The Traitors, set at The White House?

The event came under attack from Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, never up for a good time, who said, “Today DHS assassinated a VA nurse in the street, Bondi is attempting to extort voter files, and half the country is bracing on the eve of a potentially crippling ice storm with FEMA gutted. So what is the President up to? Having a movie night at the White House. He’s unfit.”

To be fair, President Trump didn’t attend the screening, though his and Melania’s son Barron did. The real unveiling will happen on Thursday night at The “Trump-Kennedy Center,” when 1,000 swells will see the film on a big screen and then Bluesky will truly go ballistic.

“MELANIA, the Movie, is a MUST WATCH,” The President posted on social media, not mentioning that the government is certain to shut down again on Friday. “Get your tickets today – Selling out, FAST!” This seems unlikely. Most movies, other than massive franchise blockbusters on opening weekend, don’t sell out. As of this moment, only six (out of 36) Melania seats are taken at the 6:45 Friday showing of the AMC theater nearest my house, and there are at least 40 screenings of the film within 20 miles on that day alone. I’ll take my chances.

Ratner got exclusive access to Mar-A-Lago for the film, which follows the reclusive First Lady for 20 days leading up to the 2024 inauguration. Surely it will humanize a former supermodel who’s married to the most powerful man in the world. Or maybe it will add to her mystique. Or neither. Most people’s opinions about Melania are already set, so it likely won’t move the needle at all.

Along with the bespoke Melania popcorn buckets and lovely black-and-white macarons, attendees at the Thursday night event also received a free copy of Melania’s autobiography, which is called Melania. Melania herself seemed pleased by the event, writing on X, “I am deeply humbled to have been surrounded by an inspiring room of friends, family, and cultural iconoclasts at the White House last night. Each of these individuals brought their unique vision to the world, making a lasting impression. Our personal stories endure time and serve as a reminder of our mutual obligation to one another. It was an honor to present my new film, Melania, ahead of its global launch.”

For the First Lady, that tweet was a veritable outpouring of emotion. At last the world will know the truth about Melania, as told in her book, Melania, and her film, also Melania. Unlike attendees at Saturday night’s screening though, future viewers of the film will have to provide their own cake pops.