For years, Joe Biden’s handlers did their best to hide the fact from us that their boss was a senile, cancer-ridden mummy. This isn’t the case with Donald Trump, an equally aged President. We know everything, within reason, about Trump’s every bodily function. As a New Year’s gift to us, the Wall Street Journal called Trump to ask him about his health. Somewhat to the surprise of the reporters, Trump picked up the phone and gave them a full report.
The President doesn’t sleep. He often bothers aides with calls at 2 a.m. According to the Journal, “aside from golf, Trump doesn’t get regular exercise, and he is known to consume a diet heavy on salty and fatty foods, such as hamburgers and french fries.” Before one campaign event, Trump ate, according to an aide, “a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder hamburger, a Big Mac and a Filet-O-Fish.” He’s on two cholesterol medicines – one would hope so! – but a White House EKG chart shows that Trump has the heart health of an average 65-year-old.
Trump also takes massive doses of aspirin, which, as those who watch him regularly know, he brags about constantly. The man loves his aspirin. “They say aspirin is good for thinning out the blood, and I don’t want thick blood pouring through my heart,” Trump told the Journal. “I want nice, thin blood pouring through my heart. Does that make sense?”
It makes sense as much as anything Trump says makes sense. I think by now we can all agree that Donald Trump is an extremely eccentric old man. We hear criticism of him closing his eyes during meetings and press conferences, but who among us hasn’t nodded off on a Zoom call? He blurts out odd non-sequiturs. What else is new?
The fact is that for many years now, Donald Trump has had a schedule, both public and private, that would pancake a lesser person. Yes, he wears compression socks and bleeds easily. He’s 79 years old. That may be the most hilarious aspect of the Donald Trump health interview. Trump is literally thin-skinned. “His skin is so delicate,” the Journal wrote, “that Pam Bondi, now his attorney general, caused his hand to bleed when she nicked him with her ring while giving him a high-five at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee.”
Nonetheless, Trump told the Journal, “my health is perfect.” Frankly, Mr. President, it doesn’t sound perfect. But it does sound good enough, particularly for someone who’s about to turn 80. “I have,” he said, “very good genetics.” Apparently so, sir.
In the Obama era, we had a President who played basketball and seemed to subside on a diet of steamed zucchini and extreme self-regard. Now Mayor McCheese rules the free world. Our President eats too much McDonald’s. He hates to exercise. Sometimes, a nap comes over him unbidden. And he mainlines a somewhat dated medicine against the advice of his doctors. Unlike most Americans, Trump’s doctors are the best in the world. But in every other way, when it comes to his health, the President is just like us.
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