Kristi Noem has just started her new role as Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas. She might need even more protection than a mere shield. The Daily Mail (who else?) this morning published bombshell photos and messages of her husband Bryon, wearing humongous prosthetic breasts and women’s leggings. While his wife was serving as President Trump’s Homeland Security Secretary, Bryon was exchanging “hundreds of messages” with at least “three women from the ‘bimbofication’ scene – where porn performers transform themselves into real-life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of saline into their breasts.” The Mail has the images. Cockburn is opting not to publish them. Needless to say, the selfies suggest Bryon prefers actual Barbie to ICE Barbie.
“Texts and WhatsApp messages reveal that Bryon was being repeatedly asked for money during the 14 months Noem led the nation’s largest federal law enforcement agency,” the Mail reports. “He sent his secret roster of online acquaintances at least $25,000 via Cash App and PayPal but when the payments were delayed or failed to materialize the chats would quickly turn sour.”
Bryon was last in the limelight as he sat behind Noem during her sworn congressional testimony. She was asked under oath whether she was having an affair with her senior advisor, Corey Lewandowski, who is also married. People online wondered how the father of three could sit there and take the humiliation. Now we have a clearer idea. “Ms. Noem is devastated,” a representative for the Special Envoy told the New York Post. “The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at the time.”
Cockburn wishes his readers, and Bryon, a Happy International Trans Day of Visibility. As governor of South Dakota, Kristi courted controversy in 2021 by vetoing a bill to ban trans women from female sports teams, after pressure from Amazon, who were looking to build a new distribution center in her state. Social conservatives accused her of being a squish; she eventually signed the bill in 2022. She also sent out a message in February 2025 regarding President Trump’s executive order “Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government.” Noem wrote: “DHS will fully comply with the order to end all agency programs that use taxpayer money to promote or reflect gender ideology.”
Charity begins at home, Special Envoy!
On our radar
GETTING PUMPED Gas prices have tipped over $4 a gallon, one month into America and Israel’s joint military operation in Iran.
PAGE TURNER Vice President J.D. Vance has written a book, Communion: Finding My Way Back to Faith, that comes out June 16.
COMEDOWN Nicole Daedone, founder of “orgasmic meditation” startup OneTaste, has been sentenced to nine years in prison for coercing women into performing sex acts on investors.
Good-time Charlie
The only American mentioned in the Epstein files to go to prison remains Jeffrey Epstein himself, but Representative Ro Khanna is focused on… the British King.
On Monday, Khanna published a letter requesting that King Charles meet with the victims of Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. “So that they may speak to you directly about the powerful individuals and institutions that failed them,” he wrote. “As you are aware, this is not solely an American matter.” What a subtle reference to Charles’s brother, the former prince Andrew!
This is not Khanna’s first rodeo advocating on behalf of Epstein’s victims. He helped author the Epstein Transparency Act and was one of the members of Congress allowed to briefly view the files. Afterwards, he identified the names of six “wealthy, powerful men” whose names had been redacted and read them on the House floor. This backfired as individuals ended up wrongly implicated. He has aggressively pursued accountability for Andrew’s alleged misdeeds.
Cockburn wonders why Khanna is so focused on British royals. The flag of the United Kingdom is a useful red herring for American politicians to distract from their inaction at their actual jobs. Epstein trafficked women and girls internationally, but justice for the vast majority of his co-conspirators would need to take place in the United States. It might be wishful thinking, but a US representative like Khanna ought to be better off focusing on where he has official power. Has the legislative branch become so impotent that they now think their time is best spent writing letters to foreign monarchs, instead of dealing with the mess at home?
The Donald J. Trump International Everything
You’re stuck in the TSA line for two hours, your flight is delayed and your senator is at Disney World celebrating the war he started with Princess Ariel while the government remains partially shut down. But don’t worry: here’s the travel news you’ve been waiting for. Governor Ron DeSantis has signed a bill to rename Palm Beach International Airport to the Donald J. Trump International Airport, effective July 1. Priorities!
Palm Beach residents are peeved enough about sharing an airport with the President already: the US Secret Service has changed its flight path due to security concerns, even when Trump isn’t at Mar-a-Lago. As readers of our Palm life columnist Peter Watson will know, “the new flight path takes them directly over the town of Palm Beach itself, home to 10,000 well-heeled Republicans, including between 40 and 67 billionaires (depending on who’s counting), many of them richer even than the President.”
“And,” writes Watson, “such is the proximity of PBIA to Palm Beach proper that airplanes are still climbing when they reach the town, straining to lift their loads, shaking the ground with their noisy growling and vibrations and – the latest horror – leaking dirty exhaust oils onto the swanky poolside furniture of expensively serviced homes.”
If a renamed airport isn’t enough Trump for you, by all means revisit the plans for the White House ballroom the President shared with reporters on Sunday. Trump deleted a redundant staircase after the New York Times pointed out it didn’t actually lead into the ballroom. Then there are the newly unveiled plans for the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library: a needle skyscraper set to pierce the Miami skyline. “Over the past six months, I have poured my heart and soul into this project with my incredible team at @Trump,” tweeted Eric Trump. “This landmark on the water in Miami, Florida will stand as a lasting testament to an amazing man, an amazing developer, and the greatest President our Nation has ever known.” Daddy, are you proud?
Comments