The Odyssey is shallow and tiring

The Odyssey is Christopher Nolan’s relentless, deafening three-hour take on Homer’s epic poem, and while it is technically impressive filmmaking – Imax cameras; massive mechanical puppets, minimally pimped up by CGI; thousands of extras – it is set piece after set piece which becomes rather tiring. Even if weariness is part of the point of the Odyssey, it’s no excuse for the film being tiring.

What we get is an action blockbuster, without significant depth, although there is some heft to the final act – everybody’s favourite act, surely. Who doesn’t love it when Odysseus finally makes it back to Ithaca disguised as a beggar and no one recognises him? (I have always wondered if he was, perhaps, the inspiration for Mrs Doubtfire.)

I am no expert on the Odyssey but, don’t panic, the experts are sure to be all over it. Even before it was released, Nolan was being criticised for deploying modern vernacular (‘mum’, ‘dad’, ‘fuck off!’) and for some of his casting choices, like getting Lupita Nyong’o to play Helen of Troy. This, claimed Elon Musk, ‘desecrated Homer’. Shall I break it to him or will you? That Matt Damon, who plays Odysseus, is an American from the Cambridge, Massachusetts, area? Best you do it, I think. I’ve lost the appetite for such stupid arguments. Plus, Nyong’o is wonderful.

On to the story… As you probably know, the epic follows King Odysseus of Ithaca on his ten-year quest to return home from the Trojan war to his loyal wife Penelope (Anne Hathaway) and son Telemachus (Tom Holland). She has to fight off multiple suitors, while her husband has to survive monsters, mythical beasts, angry gods, sirens and a ton of bad weather.

It follows the narrative reasonably closely (as far as I can gather) but, this being Nolan, it’s not entirely chronological. Flashbacks are heavily deployed. Beyond that, there’s, thankfully, no funny business. Those who are not familiar with the original work may often find it confusing. Who exactly is Sinon (Elliot Page)? And remind me again of the story behind Helen of Troy’s husband? And why does Athena (Zendaya, who gets top billing, even though she’s only in it for two minutes, tops) keep popping up as and when? On the god front we also have Circe (Samantha Morton) and Calypso (Charlize Theron) but no Zeus and no Poseidon stirring up the seas with his trident. They exist as unseen, elemental forces of nature. This isn’t Jason and the Argonauts.

There are some tremendous scenes, many of which wouldn’t be amiss in a horror movie. There’s Circe turning Odysseus’s men into pigs, while the Cyclops – a 40ft animatronic puppet that’s given life by actor Bill Irwin – is truly terrifying. The costuming is excellent, as is the 35ft-high Trojan horse, which, for once, doesn’t look as if it’s been hastily banged up by a group of schoolkids for a woodwork project.

The deafening, relentless soundtrack, meanwhile, composed by Ludwig Goransson, includes 35 gongs – and don’t we know it. This, and the poor sound mixing, often renders the dialogue muddy. As for the use of modern language: isn’t that rather sensible? A faithful adaptation would have seen everyone speaking in ancient Greek in the dactylic hexameter. And those films never do well at the box office.

Robert Pattinson is outstanding as the villainous Antinous, as is Morton as Circe. I wouldn’t have had Damon down for the part of Odysseus, but he’s buffed up for it and, in the end, he will make you care. For the two solid hours in which it’s set piece after set piece – without a thematic thread or fresh vision – I didn’t much care, but by the end, his portrayal of a man broken by the years he’s lost, and the men he’s lost, proves moving.

The film is ultimately spectacular, without being memorable. But I’ll always have a soft spot for Odysseus. If only because, without him, we may never have had Mrs Doubtfire.