Steerpike

Join die Labour jubilation! Keir Starmer, the man who is very likely to be our next prime minister, has just been asked on Classic FM to choose a piece of music that sums up Labour and picked ‘Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, the choral Ode to Joy’. Which just happens to be the European Union’s anthem. ‘It has got a sense of destiny and is hugely optimistic,’ Starmer told his radio audience. ‘It’s that sense of moving forward to a better place, [which] is incredibly powerful.’ So a sort of high-brow version of the Blairite D:Ream belter: Things can only get better. Or perhaps a not-so-subtle nod to those Starmer-supporting Remainers who hope that, with him in No. 10, Britain might somehow find its way back to its joyful membership of the EU.

James Cleverly has admitted to calling a Labour parliamentarian a 'shit MP' – but denied saying Stockton North is a 'shithole'. The Home Secretary confessed to making the comment during a heated debate in the Commons following yesterday's Autumn Statement. Cleverly was overheard taking a pop at Labour’s Alex Cunningham, after the MP for Stockton North asked Rishi Sunak why child poverty was so high in his constituency. A spokesman for Cleverly immediately denied that he made the comment – but a source close to the Home Secretary has today admitted he did use a four-letter word in the chamber. 'He (Cleverly) apologises for unparliamentary language,' the source said. 'As was made clear yesterday, he would never criticise Stockton.

It’s not been the best of times for the One Nation Tories. Yesterday Andrea Jenkyns – deputy chair of the European Research Group – launched a full-frontal attack on the caucus, telling that GB News: This One Nation Group make up the majority of the parliamentary party, but these are the ones who didn’t want Brexit, who didn’t want Boris, who didn’t want Liz Truss — so they’re not really in tune with the British public… I don’t think the Tory party are going far enough [to the right] actually. If you look at the group, they’ve never accepted Liz [Truss], they never accepted Boris and it’s about time that we started having policies that were in our manifesto and that speak to the people.

To the rarified surroundings of the Upper House, where the newest member of the government took his place on the red leather of the ministerial front bench. Lord Cameron of Chipping Norton attracted quite the crowd yesterday when he was introduced for the first time, with one peer remarking that they had not seen the Tory benches so full since Covid. It was a similarly full turnout this afternoon when the new Foreign Secretary made his debut at the despatch box. Turning it on thick with his fellow peers, Cameron remarked happily on his newly enhanced surroundings: 'When I look at the ornate carved wooden panels that surround us, and compare them to my now-infamous shepherd's hut, I can tell you this is already a significant upgrade.

If you can’t fix a problem, pretend it never existed. That seems to be the logic of SNP MP Alyn Smith at least. Speaking at ‘The Breakup of Britain’ conference this weekend, the Stirling MP appeared to suggest to his audience that Scotland’s ferries scandal is, er, not actually a priority for the people of Scotland. Smith told the distinctly silver crowd that: I knocked the best part of 200 doors this morning. Actually talking to people out there in the real world who want some hope, who want to know that politics isn’t all about WhatsApp messages, iPads and ferries. It’s about bigger stuff than that. It’s about dealing with the priorities of the people of Scotland. Talk about being out of touch.

Another week of Tory wars looms in SW1. Ministers are desperately trying to find a fix to the Supreme Court's legal kiboshing of the Rwanda scheme. But one person they certainly can't rely on for any favours is Suella Braverman, the recently-axed Home Secretary. On Tuesday, she published a stinging three-page assessment of Rishi Sunak's premiership; on Thursday, she drafted her own 'five-point plan' to fix Rwanda. And today she has done a big-two page interview in the Mail on Sunday in which she accuses the PM of a lack of 'moral leadership'. Ouch. But one detail that jumped out to Mr S in the Mail interview was about something Braverman did not do last week.

It turns out that theme of this week's Rishuffle really was 'Back to the Future'. For David Cameron, now returned from political exile, has opted for his title a place that recalls old scandals past. The former Tory leader will be introduced on Monday in the House of Lords as 'Baron Cameron of Chipping Norton', according to the Writ of Summons, which was published earlier today. Back in the early 2010s, Cameron's close links to well-heeled members of the 'Chipping Norton set' like Elisabeth Murdoch and Rebekah Brooks came under scrutiny as part of the Leveson Inquiry. One commentator described members of the set as 'an incestuous collection of louche, affluent, power-hungry and amoral Londoners' while another proclaimed that "Chipping Norton remains a state of mind.

Another day, another tech-related scandal for the SNP. Health secretary Michael Matheson has come under fire for running up a whopping £11,000 bill on his iPad in roaming charges — and initially being prepared to let the taxpayer pick up the bill. Today he gave a lengthy speech explaining himself to the Scottish parliament. He repeatedly choked back tears as he fought to save his career... He told MSPs that ‘the simple truth’ is that his teenage sons had used his parliamentary device to stream football matches — a fact Matheson claims he was only made aware of by his wife last Thursday evening.

Blue-on-blue hits different when it comes from an older vintage. It seems at least one Tory grandee didn't think much of Suella Braverman's incendiary departure letter to Rishi Sunak yesterday. Michael Howard, who famously served in the Home Office from 1993 to 1997, today hits out at his successor, writing an article for today's Daily Telegraph, headlined 'Suella Braverman is guilty of shameful insubordination'. Ouch. The onetime Tory leader writes that her 'insubordination' was intolerable and 'the government is better off without her.